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My parents think my anger outbursts are "Attention seeking" there Not.

A

Autistic_202

New Member
They always say it to me even when they know I have ASD.

My outbursts are because of thoughts in my head that I have no other way to express other then to meltdown or noise in the environment.

Does anyone else experience anything similar?.
 
Autistic_202 said:
They always say it to me even when they know I have ASD.
Click to expand...

Your parents may know you have ASD, but that doesn't mean they understand it, in whole or in part.

* There are a tiny few who will want to understand and will succeed.

* There will be a few more who want to understand and fail.

* And the vast majority will not understand, not want to and expect or demand that you conform to their thought processes rather than your own.
 
And NTs are supposed to be able to put themselves into other people's shoes and see things from other's perspectives? Am I missing something? Help me out here..

Anyway, I used to be accused of attention-seeking whenever I cried at high school while I was going through a lot of issues in my life (parents arguing, me being bullied, and my own friends being bitchy towards me). Although my tears did cry out (no pun intended) for someone to confide in and emotionally support me, I wasn't doing it for attention-seeking in that way, as I genuinely felt tearful, fragile and isolated. But the other kids, and even the teachers who knew what was happening, started saying I was attention-seeking and just left me to cry alone. It was very sad, and it's frustrating when you genuinely have issues yet everyone just assumes you're deliberately attention-seeking.
 
This loss of emotional control is stress related. The best therapy I can think of is to have an outlet for that stress. Physical activity is one of my favorite ways. For decades I was in weightlifting, football, track and field, not realizing I was "self medicating" by exerting myself physically. All that pent-up stress has to be released. Some put that energy into their work and some into physical activity. Convert that negative energy into something positive.

I haven't found crying, yelling, screaming, cursing, etc. to be of much usefulness, but if that's what it comes down to, then do it. Just have the common courtesy to do it on your own time and not in front of others. Otherwise, you might be accused of "attention seeking behavior" by people who are frankly, sick and tired of it, think it is a form of manipulative behavior, and/or are simply unempathetic of it. So, best just to avoid other people in this case.
 
They are likely misidentifying the motivation behind the outburts, but at the same time those outbursts aren't communicating the actual motivation.
 
Yeah, I heard that from my family a lot of as a kid. It's the go-to for the ignorant. And if someone were to do something for attention, often the best response is to give them attention.

"He's just asking for food 'cause he's hungry. Don't give it to him."

*child dies*

Sadly, this isn't always as exaggerated as it may seem.
 
I reckon a lot of suicides are due to people dismissing them as attention-seeking when they were just crying out for help.
 
Autistic_202 said:
They always say it to me even when they know I have ASD.

My outbursts are because of thoughts in my head that I have no other way to express other then to meltdown or noise in the environment.

Does anyone else experience anything similar?.
Click to expand...
Yes I meltdown violently when I am struggling, do not understand, feel hurt and all I want is to understand and know people will be nice to me.
I just want good for my life, a sense of safety and stability and feelings like things will work out well
 
Autistic_202 said:
They always say it to me even when they know I have ASD.

My outbursts are because of thoughts in my head that I have no other way to express other then to meltdown or noise in the environment.

Does anyone else experience anything similar?.
Click to expand...
Oh my god, yes! And it’s not just my parents, but a lot of other people as well. When I was younger, I had a hard time expressing my feelings.

Now that I’m able to understand my inner mechanisms, my next obstacle is encountering many other people who say that I shouldn’t be so “thin-skinned” and that my thoughts and reactions are a choice. Dead wrong of course. That’s not how I operate.

I’m very sorry you had to go through this. You have my whole support. :)
 
@Autistic_202

There are two distinct things to consider:
1. An internal event (or state) that can't be readily controlled (perhaps not controlled at all)
2. The way the effects of that event present externally

If you're literally lashing out because (2) is uncontrolled anger, you have a very serious problem.
The real world doesn't accept unpredictable and uncontrolled anger in adults. This is rational: it's potentially quite dangerous to others, and in the 21st century there is no way for anyone other than law enforcement to deal with it.

If, on the other hand, you can manage the effects of (1) to mitigate its external presentation, it could become a significant inconvenience rather than a life-altering affliction.
 
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