My mom says that autistic adults don’t have the same rights as non autistic adults.

[Major Tom]

You are an adult, you can escape if you so choose. There is no such thing as "autistic rights". I'd be running for the hills.Good luck!

 

[Fino]

I gotta get rid of my BPD LOL

just kidding (sorta)

Is it possible she's simply referring to the potential discrimination? I've heard it talked about frequently on this forum, such as with jobs and work-places.

 

[Pats]

Is the age statement from your mom, also? Unless there is a court ordered guardianship, and even if there is, she can't stop you from moving out. Matter of fact, even a 16 year old can move out and get emancipated. Keeping grades up, not losing keys, etc, does not mean you are not mature enough to live on your own - everyone loses car keys from time to time. Are you getting a check from social security? Maybe that's why she's so determined for you to not move out.

 

[TempeFan]

But she does have control over whether or not you can live in your grandparents’ old home.

That is unless she doesn't have control over your grandparents’ old home. If they are still alive and own it, then grandparents get to say. If they are deceased, then whoever they willed it or sold it to gets to say. Who's house is it now?

Whether or not the laws are on your side is irrelevant. She can do whatever she wants until some law enforcement agency decides to step up and do their job to protect your rights. The chances of that happening for an autistic or other minority citizen who doesn't have millions of dollars to spend on legal fees, is less than slim or none. Do you have an advocate who can help you escape?

 

[Swiftykitty]

Maybe my therapist. My dad is always on her side because that mKes her shut up . “I support your mother” his exact words. Always like I am the bad guy . You need to respect your mother . My feelings don’t exist . I tell him my feelings and it’s like in one ear and out the other like he’s like oh whatever . He doesn’t actually say that or he gets mad at me. He will say like I understand you have feelings but . Yeah no when you at a but to something it just kind of ruins the point.

 

[Swiftykitty]

My mental age being age twelve is my thinking . That is the age that I feel mental and emotionally sometimes younger than that. I used to say I was an eight year old mixed with a 14 year old in my head

 

[Ylva]

There are human rights, and ever since the seventies they have extended to disabled people. Not believing a word your mother says sounds like a smart move.

 

[Graphin]

Legally they told you already here

But Socially well this is it's own thing but that's not the point.

 

[Thinx]

It's very often good for people to move out of the parental home, any time from 18 onwards, and although you feel young that's a subjective feeling not a diagnosis. I still feel around 14 a lot of the time in a social sense, but I m 60 with a responsible job. I think feeling young socially and in relating maybe be part of being Aspie, and it will be exaggerated for you as you live at home and parents are talking down to you. It can be hard for them to let you be an adult unless you move away.

It sounds like you are at college, and doing well if you expect you can get As and Bs? You have career prospects perhaps? What are your plans? Do you have friends or a support network of any kind apart from parents? Although your parents sound a bit down on you, the goals your mother suggested seem doable. Perhaps you could negotiate that you do think you can achieve those goals, but would like to set a moving out date that's sooner than a year?

 

[Mr Allen]

The OP's Mother sounds very intelligent, NOT!

Autistic people are human, contrary to the opinion of right wing morons who need to shut the heck up, Aspies and other people on the spectrum have human rights just like other people.

Anyone who disagrees needs to have their head surgically removed from their arse.

 

[All-Rounder]

She sounds like someone I know who denies all science and realityh but is always preaching her misguided beliefs, especially to rise her sxtatus and blame others for no reason for illness or any silly thing.

I read that autists have extra rights in some places, and at the time parents were trying to get rid of the asperger's and make it all autism so high functioning aspies could benefit from those things too, not only low functioning autists. Your ma thinks there does not exist high functioning in autism and she does not know a thing about it [or does not want to know].

 

[oregano]

Yeah, definitely narcissism, in my case it was my father and he fully expected I'd last two weeks on my own and was flabbergasted when I didn't come home crying for mommy and daddy after a couple months passed. The main reason is that the disabled child is the "designated punching bag" for the narcissistic parent and when the kid moves out the parent doesn't have anyone to kick/beat when their day sucks. They like the idea that they have a "toy" to abuse at will. With NPD other people are seen as useful idiots to be manipulated for the benefit of the narcissist. You really need to move out, ASAP.

 

[WittyAspie]

That is unless she doesn't have control over your grandparents’ old home. If they are still alive and own it, then grandparents get to say. If they are deceased, then whoever they willed it or sold it to gets to say. Who's house is it now?

I assumed the mom had control of the house since she could decide who lives there. Hopefully assuming did make me the thing that assuming makes those who assume.

 

[TempeFan]

I assumed the mom had control of the house since she could decide who lives there. Hopefully assuming did make me the thing that assuming makes those who assume.

More of a logical conclusion than an assumption, as mom seems to be a controlling tyrant. Is she doing that to both generations?

 

[Swiftykitty]

My mom is extremely controlling to everyone in my family (she has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder with narcissistic tendencies) my grandmother her mom had this undiagnosed borderline personality disorder also.

 

[Fino]

Does "undiagnosed borderline" mean that you believe she has it or does it mean something else?

Because Borderline involves specific thought patterns and emotions, so just observing behavior would be difficult to use as a sole means of diagnosis, unless she very openly expresses all of her thought patterns and emotions.

 

[Swiftykitty]

This is my opinion but i read her journal and it matches it. it shows her skewed thinking and her fear of abandonment. My mom definitly has fear of abandonment is very controling has unstable unpredictable moods/ inaproprate intense anger / rage wich is only helped by mood stablizers/ anti depressiants . she thinks the world revolvs around her will rage if she dosent get her way or like something. . she criticizes and blames but wont accept her faults she wont take no for an answer . she is afraid of being judged . she has impulsive reckless spending habits she texts while she drives and if you ask her to stop she will say dont you tell me what to do because I'm the mother. she says the craziest things when shes mad gets mad over the litlest and stupidest things that you would never see coming like her not liking my haloween costume i wanted to wear turned into her intentionally banging her car door into my dads car door three timrs because she was mad that he bought it for me. She screams yells and cusses and embarasses me in front of other people . She cant say im sorry without adding but too it she dosent feel remorse for anthing she has done to anyone . She is physically abusive along with being verbally abusive she believes there is nothing wrong with her Sorry my spelling is terrible.

 

[Fino]

Okay, never mind, you're probably right!

Does she not take medication? It sounds like she did in the past, and that's how you know it helps, but that she doesn't anymore.

 

[Swiftykitty]

She has been prescribed some but her pattern is she will take it for a while then she will not take it by avoiding taking it or lying about it. sometimes she will simply say that she hasn't taken it for three days or whatever but for her to admit that is rare. We all know when she hasn't been taking it because it is like night and day. When she takes it it dosen't stop her from saying mean things and being controlling but it stops the irrational rage. She is supposed to be taking it now but you know I live with her and haven't seen her take it she says she is but she flips out and that's how i can tell. Now, her favorite thing to do when im in the house is to demand in a hostile your in trouble voice where are you going? what are you doing? Then i say nothing and keep doing what im doing and in the same tone she say . Why wont you tell me what your doing? in my haed im thinking because i dont want to stop contolling me i can do what ever the hell i want to. but i just tell her what im doing . She also will say come here right now! this hapesns throught the day so i have taken to hiding up in my room to avoid her. yesterday i told her i was going to clean my room. That was the first time i actually enjoyed cleaning my room. And because my mom was obsesively and compulsively cleaning the house which usually means jumping from room to room puling everything out of droos and closets only to put everything back exactly the same when she haden't finished cleaning anything everything is lying on the floor she hadent noticed that i spean't the whole day cleaning my room .

 

[Fino]

She has been prescribed some but her pattern is she will take it for a while then she will not take it by avoiding taking it or lying about it. sometimes she will simply say that she hasn't taken it for three days or whatever but for her to admit that is rare. We all know when she hasn't been taking it because it is like night and day. When she takes it it dosen't stop her from saying mean things and being controlling but it stops the irrational rage. She is supposed to be taking it now but you know I live with her and haven't seen her take it she says she is but she flips out and that's how i can tell. Now, her favorite thing to do when im in the house is to demand in a hostile your in trouble voice where are you going? what are you doing? Then i say nothing and keep doing what im doing and in the same tone she say . Why wont you tell me what your doing? in my haed im thinking because i dont want to stop contolling me i can do what ever the hell i want to. but i just tell her what im doing . She also will say come here right now! this hapesns throught the day so i have taken to hiding up in my room to avoid her. yesterday i told her i was going to clean my room. That was the first time i actually enjoyed cleaning my room. And because my mom was obsesively and compulsively cleaning the house which usually means jumping from room to room puling everything out of droos and closets only to put everything back exactly the same when she haden't finished cleaning anything everything is lying on the floor she hadent noticed that i spean't the whole day cleaning my room .

It sounds familiar... unfortunately, the solution, leaving, is what she's most afraid of. In my experience, the only thing that could have any effect on her behavior would be something terribly dramatic, like someone nearly dying or dying.

How much better is she on medication? Bearable? I wonder if there's any ultimatum to be bad, such as, "I'm leaving if you don't take your meds every day," or something along those lines.

But either way, you should do everything you can to get out, that's really the only solution, unfortunately.

But she should be on a LOT of medication. BPD is like being possessed by a demon.