My last task to heal.

[Gerald Wilgus]

I have always been told that I am responsible for what is happening to me, that I am ultimately the only person who can determine my experiences. Now, I wonder what the end result of my therapy should look like. It is good to no longer feel the anger and bitterness towards my experiences, yet I cannot see how to finally heal myself. Perhaps if I can forgive myself for the inability to have a happier, more normal, life as an adolescent and young adult. How can I forgive myself for being the agent of my misery?

I am trying to think of ways that I could do this for myself. I know the past is dead, but with PTSD, I kept it alive. I don't know what I could even say to that young, confused, and sad, me. I know that the Buddha recognizes that we must forgive ourself, yet I do not know how.

Suggestions welcome.

 

[Aspychata]

It's hard to grapple with our black and white thinking. Sadly, l too am on a path of self-discovery and acceptance. Looking forward to responses. Great post.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

It's hard to grapple with our black and white thinking. Sadly, l too am on a path of self-discovery and acceptance. Looking forward to responses. Great post.

We are perpetual works in progress, aren't we?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Repartee is easy, with you, @Aspychata .

 

[Fino]

Who are all these people telling you that you are responsible for what is happening to you? I think it's much more complex than that.

Sometimes, yes, you are entirely responsible.

Sometimes, you are partially responsible.

Sometimes you are not responsible at all. If you are walking along and someone whacks you on the head, that wasn't your doing.

The younger you are, the less responsible you are for what happens to you. If a father rapes their child, the child is not at all at fault.

If we have certain deficits that lead to certain mistakes, that's not entirely our responsible, as our deficits are a result of many factors which are out of our control, which increased the chances of our faulty actions. There is so much involved. The placement of blame, then, is unnecessary.

The philosophy of DBT states that we are all doing the best we can at all times.

 

[Progster]

It sounds like you are being way too hard on yourself. You can only be responsible for that which you can control. There are so many things that are beyond your control that you can't be responsible for.

Also, when one makes decisions, it's usually done with the experience, knowledge and circumstances one has available at that time. Which means that one might make decisions due to ignorance or a lack of emotional maturity, which in hindsight weren't the best ones. You weren't to know; these are not your fault and all very human, part of learning and you shouldn't beat yourself up over these.

 

[Aspychata]

Repartee is easy, with you, @Aspychata .

You seem very easy going yourself. Thinking outside of the box makes play so much more fun.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

@Fino , @Progster . I understand intellectually what you say, yet I do not understand why I would act in ways that I did. I guess I will never know and will need to forgive myself for being human.

 

[Aspychata]

@Fino , @Progster . I understand intellectually what you say, yet I do not understand why I would act in ways that I did. I guess I will never know and will need to forgive myself for being human.

Maybe black and white thinking which seems prevalent in our younger years? If not this, then that. If she isn't talking to me, then l am to blame. I didn't understand social clues, so l relied on this thinking to help me out.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Maybe black and white thinking which seems prevalent in our younger years? If not this, then that. If she isn't talking to me, then l am to blame. I didn't understand social clues, so l relied on this thinking to help me out.

I agree. That black and white thinking certainly led to my paralysis towards engaging with people. Sad.

 

[Aspychata]

But this okay because it's quite typical for us. I just see this as part of who l am. I can't beat myself up, only look at how far l have come. We are in constant flux as people. Only when we stop evolving, is there a problem. I am definitely not proud of who l was back as a teen,but l also see the part of me who grew. This is my character that defines me. I am not flat, l have many aspects of me.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

But this okay because it's quite typical for us. I just see this as part of who l am. I can't beat myself up, only look at how far l have come. We are in constant flux as people. Only when we stop evolving, is there a problem. I am definitely not proud of who l was back as a teen,but l also see the part of me who grew. This is my character that defines me. I am not flat, l have many aspects of me.

Thank you very much for your kind words and support.