8398
Well-Known Member
Today I got up, I'm often fatigued and feel like I have circulation/heart/breathing difficulties especially when trying to start my day.
I went to make food, but the entirety of the the counters are covered in random stuff and dishes. It's not pleasant, doesn't smell pleasant, and many important utensils are used and just thrown into the dirty sink. Even ones I bought like the only good knife we have. There's a pot that's likely been on the counter full of food for 4 or more days now, and that doesn't even seem that uncommon to me.
I've dealt with this my whole life. I have my mother and two sisters, my mother is the messy one, but I also think my sisters have to be as well because otherwise it wouldn't be like this all the time. It's been bad for me especially as an autistic person. I already have a difficult time with having an appetite.
I've put a lot of thought into it, because it needs to be fixed. My mother is defensive. One of my sisters is scary defensive.
The most conversation we've had about it, was when my mother came home from work and had an outburst of emotion, telling us she didn't think we cared about the kitchen messes, and that she wanted help. Which is kind of perplexing because she is always responsible for most of the mess, due to bad habits. So historically, I've been lumped in and blamed. But we had a conversation and I said that I don't want to clean up other's messes. Her response was something like "but if someone makes dinner for everyone, that person should be helped" In theory, that doesn't seem unreasonable to me but she is super messy when cooking. I would rather her not cook at all.
I only have the energy to clean up my own things. I cook, I put away things as I cook even if it was ambitious or for everyone, I would go as far to say that I leave the kitchen cleaner than when I started.
I even thought about somehow having my own set-up in my bedroom, I mean, I currently hoard my favorite utensils in there. I'm the kind of person that likes my space perfect and have quality little things like wooden spoons that make my day a little brighter. But I can't realistically do it in my room. I've thought of different ways to assert dominance over the kitchen but I feel like it would take too much energy to maintain that hold over it. I'm not naturally an organized person and I'm very low or inconsistent energy. If I had my own kitchen I would set up the foundation of everything to be easier to manage and organize, but for example, my family insists on having an entire shelf for novelty mugs even with our limited space. So much ugly stuff too haha, I guess that's not the worst of my problem.
My grandma has OCD, so perhaps my mother sort of became this way because of that. Everyone respects my grandmother's kitchen, so I have the thought about, if I could become more like her and be kind of bossy. I would rather be here, though, than my grandma's because she's scary about it. They are opposites.
I don't know what to do. It sucks that in order to make myself food today, I'm going to have to do a bunch of extra work that I don't have energy for. And out of the three of them, I don't know who's mess is who's.
I went to make food, but the entirety of the the counters are covered in random stuff and dishes. It's not pleasant, doesn't smell pleasant, and many important utensils are used and just thrown into the dirty sink. Even ones I bought like the only good knife we have. There's a pot that's likely been on the counter full of food for 4 or more days now, and that doesn't even seem that uncommon to me.
I've dealt with this my whole life. I have my mother and two sisters, my mother is the messy one, but I also think my sisters have to be as well because otherwise it wouldn't be like this all the time. It's been bad for me especially as an autistic person. I already have a difficult time with having an appetite.
I've put a lot of thought into it, because it needs to be fixed. My mother is defensive. One of my sisters is scary defensive.
The most conversation we've had about it, was when my mother came home from work and had an outburst of emotion, telling us she didn't think we cared about the kitchen messes, and that she wanted help. Which is kind of perplexing because she is always responsible for most of the mess, due to bad habits. So historically, I've been lumped in and blamed. But we had a conversation and I said that I don't want to clean up other's messes. Her response was something like "but if someone makes dinner for everyone, that person should be helped" In theory, that doesn't seem unreasonable to me but she is super messy when cooking. I would rather her not cook at all.
I only have the energy to clean up my own things. I cook, I put away things as I cook even if it was ambitious or for everyone, I would go as far to say that I leave the kitchen cleaner than when I started.
I even thought about somehow having my own set-up in my bedroom, I mean, I currently hoard my favorite utensils in there. I'm the kind of person that likes my space perfect and have quality little things like wooden spoons that make my day a little brighter. But I can't realistically do it in my room. I've thought of different ways to assert dominance over the kitchen but I feel like it would take too much energy to maintain that hold over it. I'm not naturally an organized person and I'm very low or inconsistent energy. If I had my own kitchen I would set up the foundation of everything to be easier to manage and organize, but for example, my family insists on having an entire shelf for novelty mugs even with our limited space. So much ugly stuff too haha, I guess that's not the worst of my problem.
My grandma has OCD, so perhaps my mother sort of became this way because of that. Everyone respects my grandmother's kitchen, so I have the thought about, if I could become more like her and be kind of bossy. I would rather be here, though, than my grandma's because she's scary about it. They are opposites.
I don't know what to do. It sucks that in order to make myself food today, I'm going to have to do a bunch of extra work that I don't have energy for. And out of the three of them, I don't know who's mess is who's.
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