My experience with cruel neurotypicals that use words like "intellectual disability"

[Turbocks]

As you may know if you have ever read my other posts I am a 20 year old swedish man with aspergers and as of this year I am preparing myself for moving away from home and getting an eventual job. What I am going to talk about though is something I believe many people on the spectrum can relate to and it's the amount of rude neurotypicals that use words like "intellectual disability" or "disability".

It's even worse when you have to deal with a neurotypical parent who acts all nice and friendly and is all supportive but still has the sheer audacity to say that I have a "disability" or "intellectual disability" when they critique something I did when it seems like I don't understand what they are talking about even if I do.



As a person with autism grows up and becomes an adult everything just changes because there is just too little information regarding adults on the spectrum because most of the information is about how it looks during childhood.

You know what is terrible? I have had to grow up with a neurotypical dad that acts all nice and supportive a lot of times but he also uses these hurtful words when I am seen as doing something wrong even if it's something insignificant or when I don't understand something.It's actually worse than that though because recently my mom who is divorced told me that when I was a young boy he did actually beat me at times which is a memory that I have supressed and it both shocked me but it also did not surprise me given the traumatic memories I have of his horrible temper tantrums that never fail to scare me even to the point of tears just to make him stop and it's why I am sometimes careful with what I say because I do not ever want to make the mistake of causing a temper tantrum.

And then there is all this talk on how I am supposed to be "normal" like all the others when I will never be "normal" according to neurotypical standards and it really means don't act autistic.

I still remember that one time when I was a kid that he got so angry he broke the remote controller to a dvd/vhs player and I can't seem to remember why it happened and all I remember is that he broke it while we were watching a kid's cartoon.

He also has a problem with taking responsibility for his actions like that one time he straight up refused to take my elderly rabbit to the vet because he was sick and had overgrown teeth he used cheap excuses like "it's too old" "you don't perform surgery on an elderly person" and "it's too expensive" which is bs because he had plenty of money to do it and after several failed attempts to convince him I had to downright pick up my ill bunny and show him how bad it had gotten to convince him to help me but by that point it was too late even if we did trim his teeth down with a tool used to cut rabbit claws and not long after that my bunny passed away partly because of his inability to take responsibility for his actions.

There is a reason I never confront him with what he has said or done because I know all too well that any attempt to do so will result in him getting pissed of at me he will accuse me of lying when he is lying himself and he will paint me as the bad guy and say that I am the one who is supposed to say sorry as if he is some kind of innocent saint and that I am the one who is wrong.


It's confusing and horrible having to live with somebody who acts nice fairly often but every once in a while stabs me in the back and treats me like I am still a child.

My teenage years have been somewhat tarnished because I have had to endure emotional abuse and psychological abuse at random times like the time I broke a plastic hinge on a 5 year old laptop. I broke it when turning the screen forward and I was unable to close the screen. And after that he yelled at me about how it was my fault and my fault alone that the laptop broke and I kept my face for a while until I went into the nearby forest and called my mom and I started crying like hell when I had to describe what he just did(and yes I still hate him for that incident and other's like it).

Other times he will scream at me "look at me" or "don't run away when I am talking to you".

Some people should simply not have kid's especially the ones with special needs if they can't even deal with their own issues like anger issues, a lack of responsibility and ableism. After I move away from home I am considering talking to a psychologist about the things that I have experienced and I have talked to my mom about it and she is well aware of the things he has done.

Once I have moved away from home I am also considering eventually isolating myself a lot with many types of pets especially macaws(they are forever toddlers and I love children but I won't have biological ones and maybe just maybe I can give a parrot what I lacked during my own childhood and I will make sure I am ready to care for one for potentially many decades and that they will have a new owner when I pass away) I will also keep many types of aquarium fish and I see them like how a parent sees a child they love and care for. I will do this because I do not ever want to have to deal with neurotypicals like him again who are nice or at least appear to be so and yet they stab me in the back and insult me because of my differences.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Words hurt, and sometimes hurtful words are true. And the words we find hurtful, people often say out of kindness, for our own benefit. And they are scary. But they don't have to define us. You get out there in the world and really make something of yourself. I believe in you.

 

[unperson]

I was a scapegoat child too, there's some therapy videos on youtube about it, it's a known phenomenon.

Great news about the move, hope it all goes well.

 

[Aspychata]

This was a very abusive father period. By insulting you, he must be very insecure and uncaring.

Kids break things at the worse possible time too. My daughter was very careful with with laptops. So l guess l was lucky. She depended on it for some online schools stuff.

Feel bad that you were made to feel less than, we all deserve to be treated with respect.

 

[Pieceofmind]

Sounds very similar to what I grew up with but a lot more extreme and more one sided. My mother was clearly not ready to have a child, she could barely deal with her own emotions and when it gets bad all logic goes out the window. I was also the scapegoat child for anything that went wrong that even remotely might have involved me. Computer broke? I did it. Appliance broke? I must have done something horrible to it despite using it as normally as anyone else. She lost something? I must have stolen it and was hiding it. And If I couldn't do something in school or whatever else set it off (sometimes I had no idea what happened besides that I was just sitting there doing something then an explosion happened) and the horrific screaming beat down began! She definitely had something else going on up there but that's a whole different topic. I could write psychological horror stories based on what I grew up with. I grew up seeing normal children behaving normally and legit thought they were crazy brave because I thought it was normal for parents to murder their children and that I was just not strong enough for this hyper violent and critical world where only the strongest survive and there is no rest. Only to realize much later the NT world was far more laid back and free from situations like this in normal circumstances where people are actually allowed to learn, experience, and grow. I actually had to sneak out on my own into the world to learn anything so growing up and learning about the world around me was mostly exploration on foot and trial/error on my own as I got more resources as I got older. I would not share a single thing with my mother about anything to avoid it being used against me, so I lived a double life of sorts.

I was mostly raised by my father who while he as an NT didn't quite understand as much and made offensive conclusions sometimes didn't mean to and I can forgive that. I had the most social experiences growing up through him and his side of the family. He really helpsed me out and I thank him for that. We still don't really see eye to eye all the time but we still respect each other and do things together.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Abuse causes an echo effect. That these things, which happened many years ago still are with you can tell you alot. People are just people, there are no heroes.

Counseling can be very helpful. It can teach you about why you react how you do. Best wishes

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

As you may know if you have ever read my other posts I am a 20 year old swedish man with aspergers and as of this year I am preparing myself for moving away from home and getting an eventual job. What I am going to talk about though is something I believe many people on the spectrum can relate to and it's the amount of rude neurotypicals that use words like "intellectual disability" or "disability".

It's even worse when you have to deal with a neurotypical parent who acts all nice and friendly and is all supportive but still has the sheer audacity to say that I have a "disability" or "intellectual disability" when they critique something I did when it seems like I don't understand what they are talking about even if I do.



As a person with autism grows up and becomes an adult everything just changes because there is just too little information regarding adults on the spectrum because most of the information is about how it looks during childhood.

You know what is terrible? I have had to grow up with a neurotypical dad that acts all nice and supportive a lot of times but he also uses these hurtful words when I am seen as doing something wrong even if it's something insignificant or when I don't understand something.It's actually worse than that though because recently my mom who is divorced told me that when I was a young boy he did actually beat me at times which is a memory that I have supressed and it both shocked me but it also did not surprise me given the traumatic memories I have of his horrible temper tantrums that never fail to scare me even to the point of tears just to make him stop and it's why I am sometimes careful with what I say because I do not ever want to make the mistake of causing a temper tantrum.

And then there is all this talk on how I am supposed to be "normal" like all the others when I will never be "normal" according to neurotypical standards and it really means don't act autistic.

I still remember that one time when I was a kid that he got so angry he broke the remote controller to a dvd/vhs player and I can't seem to remember why it happened and all I remember is that he broke it while we were watching a kid's cartoon.

He also has a problem with taking responsibility for his actions like that one time he straight up refused to take my elderly rabbit to the vet because he was sick and had overgrown teeth he used cheap excuses like "it's too old" "you don't perform surgery on an elderly person" and "it's too expensive" which is bs because he had plenty of money to do it and I had to downright pick up my ill bunny and show him how bad it had gotten to convince him to help me but by that point it was too late even if we did trim his teeth down with a tool used to cut rabbit claws and not long after that my bunny passed away partly because of his inability to take responsibility for his actions.

It's confusing and horrible having to live with somebody who acts nice fairly often but every once in a while stabs me in the back and treats me like I am still a child.

My teenage years have been somewhat tarnished because I have had to endure emotional abuse and psychological abuse at random times like the time I broke a plastic hinge on a 5 year old laptop. I broke it when turning the screen forward and I was unable to close the screen. And after that he yelled at me about how it was my fault and my fault alone that the laptop broke and I kept my face for a while until I went into the nearby forest and called my mom and I started crying like hell when I had to describe what he just did(and yes I still hate him for that incident and other's like it).

Other times he will scream at me "look at me" or "don't run away when I am talking to you".

Some people should simply not have kid's especially the ones with special needs if they can't even deal with their own issues like anger issues, a lack of responsibility and ableism. After I move away from home I am considering talking to a psychologist about the things that I have experienced and I have talked to my mom about it and she is well aware of the things he has done.

Once I have moved away from home I am also considering eventually isolating myself a lot with many types of pets especially macaws(they are forever toddlers and I love children but I won't have biological ones and maybe just maybe I can give a parrot what I lacked during my own childhood and I will make sure I am ready to care for one for potentially many decades and that they will have a new owner when I pass away) I will also keep many types of aquarium fish and I see them like how a parent sees a child they love and care for. I will do this because I do not ever want to have to deal with neurotypicals like him again who are nice or at least appear to be so and yet they stab me in the back and insult me because of my differences.

from one aspie to another,i know what that feels like.i met cruel neurotypicals myself,like these kids i met,one of whom called me the R-Word ,before i

moved to

Queens.i met this kid there who i

reunited with

in Brooklyn 3 Years Later,he tried to embarrass me in public,then he had me hospitalized & then my neurotypical family (my mother & brother) would be jerks about me not being on point with everything when i'm not fast paced like they are up to the point where my mother makes me do or say something stupid to make her stop & she rushes me relentlessly to be on point with everything at the same pace as her when i'm not fast paced for that ,along with pressuring me so relentlessly to know everything ahead of time when i'm not fast paced for that either ,mimics me ,expects me to do or say nothing at the cost of answering her back & snapping at me over every little thing i do or say,as well as a simple mistake & she expects me to do or say nothing (one of the strictly lowest expectations neurotypicals have for people with any form of autism:we're done wrong to & we're expected to tolerate it up to the point where i do or say something stupid to get them to stop by making social & societal mischief the way every aspie like ourselves need to be doing ,even if those neurotypicals are amongst our family & friends.

 

[Pieceofmind]

(one of the lowest expectations neurotypicals have for people with any form of autism:we're done wrong to & we're expected to tolerate it up to the point where i do or say something stupid to get her to stop .

I felt this my whole life, you are treated like crap like you don't know anything in such a mean or condescending manner and they actually expect you to not bite back. I am fully aware of my mind and body but I can't control everything it does often, it's like being trapped often. Never mind being upset over simply how my mind works with my body in general I knew people that would purposely push my sensory issues just to get a rise out of me because I have such exaggerated reactions to especially on my bad sensory days cold on my skin uncontrollably. I would be having spasms and these people would just be laughing their asses off.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Your story is not uncommon. The names and places may be different,...but it's the same old behavior. Unfortunately, the neurotypical world is a fear-based world where if something is different, it's something to have an adverse reaction to. Every culture has its "norms". Every law, policy and procedure, rule, and guideline stems from some fear that something bad might happen if we don't all conform to one standard of behavior. Well, if you are a person who is different enough that you don't conform to whatever that norm is, you are to be cast out, ridiculed, bullied, abused, and even killed.

I find it quite interesting that psychologists will point out that an autistic's level of focus upon certain things or interests is somehow indicative of some pathology. "Well, he tends to have a certain way of doing things and gets upset if you change it." "That's part of his autism and OCD." Interesting observation from a psychologist who clearly hasn't looked at the neurotypical world where this type of behavior is on grand display for all the world to see,...but neurotypicals seem to be blind to their own pathology. It is quite amusing to step back to watch the neurotypical world wrestle (sometimes violently) with anything that impinges upon their freedom, while at the same time wanting "law and order" to the point of autocracy.

You are 20 and are just getting a taste of the real world. We all have our coping mechanisms. Personally, I will be 54 in July, so I've had decades of trying and failing, constantly dealing with everyone's subtle insults, backstabbing, sabotage, and have finally figured out that the best way to deal with the toxic people in your life, is to end that chapter in your life, smash that rear view mirror, turn your eyes forward, and move on. Believe me, it's a bold move to cut ties,...you actually feel some degree of guilt and loss,...but the other part of your brain is saying, "Why?" "These are the same people that made you miserable for years." Life is too short to have all that baggage slowing you down,...drop it off at the curb and let that go. Now, you can say, "All of this abuse is part of your life history and makes you who you are,...how can you just let it all pass?" I say because there is more to your life than your personal history. Your future is far more important. You've spent your youth under someone else's control,...now it's your turn.

At some point you'll recognize who you really are, you will become quite introspective, understand your strengths and weakness,...and be totally accepting of it. You will learn to adapt and over come. You know what you're good at,...make some money, be successful being you. Do not focus upon what you're not good at,...that's a victim's mentality that will paralyze you,...no good comes of this. When I introduce myself to my students at the beginning of the semester, I tell them about my Asperger's condition and describe what that means to them and myself with regards to communication. Many of my co-workers know,...and you know what? Nothing has changed. As a group, they don't seem to have the cognitive empathy to understand autism,...go figure? Now, I will admit that I am a leader in my field, I have educated most of my co-workers, I am a resource for them,...so, that whole, "intellectually disabled" thing kind of backfires on them, as on more than one metric I am likely one or two standard deviations above them in intelligence,...it's just the communication thing that is noticed.

At any rate, I understand you are frustrated and angry right now,...you should be. As I am writing this sentence, I am remembering that Adam Sandler comedy movie from years ago, The Water Boy. The coach realized that anger and frustration could be used to great effect.

 

[VernalSole1355]

I am very sorry you have had to go through this. I emphasize for you. I hope you can find a better living situation in the near future and that you might be able to remove yourself from these situations. Although, I will say this. As you are 20 years old (assuming 18 is the legal adult age in Sweden), if you truly believe that what you've gone through is abuse, and you don't think you can effectively live your life with it going on, you could get some legal assistance on the matter. Abuse is abuse, no matter what form it comes in or who it's coming from.

But on a more positive note, I'd like to give you a little more background as to the use of the "disability" term.

According to Webster's Dictionary, the definition of disability is as follows:
a physical, mental, cognitive, or developmental condition that impairs, interferes with, or limits a person's ability to engage in certain tasks or actions or participate in typical daily activities and interactions

The definition of intellectual disability is as follows:
mild to severe impairment in intellectual ability equivalent to an IQ of 70 to 75 or below that is accompanied by significant limitations in social, practical, and conceptual skills (as in interpersonal communication, reasoning, or self-care) necessary for independent daily functioning and that has an onset before age 18

Note the definition of disability, specifically where it says "...or developmental condition that IMPAIRS, INTERFERES WITH, OR LIMITS A PERSON'S ABILITY TO ENGAGE IN CERTAIN TASKS..."

Autism is a disability in some ways. It is also a gift in other ways. For example, I am very good with patterns, computers, and keeping up with sports stats. But I also have some social inadequacies I'm still working on today. Where I think you may be getting hung up a bit is that Autism is NOT a single dimensional disability. It's not even two dimensional. I see it as three dimensional. One person's Autism is NOT the same as the next person's Autism. Yours is different from mine. Remember, the legal definition of "disability" is not meant to be specific, it is just a general overview. Everyone's case will be different.

Let me visualize this for you.

There is a farmer selling his watermelons at the local market. A customer comes and orders two of the same kind of watermelons, for the same price. The customer takes them home and slices them open. He finds that one watermelon has 20 seeds, whilst the other watermelon has 200 seeds! Therefore, is how we view Autism any different from how the customer viewed these watermelons? When the customer went to buy them, they figured they would be the same watermelon because they couldn't see the inside of the melons. Once they opened them up, the customer realized one was more seedy than the other, but in the end they taste the same, feel the same, and on the exterior look the same.

So I truly do not believe that every person who says that you have a "disability" is meaning to be mean or derogatory to you. They simply do not know any better. This is what many of them have been taught to think by society. All we can do is show them compassion, and perhaps if given the chance, have a simple conversation with them.

I hope this has helped you out.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

I felt this my whole life, you are treated like crap like you don't know anything in such a mean or condescending manner and they actually expect you to not bite back. I am fully aware of my mind and body but I can't control everything it does often, it's like being trapped often. Never mind being upset over simply how my mind works with my body in general I knew people that would purposely push my sensory issues just to get a rise out of me because I have such exaggerated reactions to especially on my bad sensory days cold on my skin uncontrollably. I would be having spasms and these people would just be laughing their asses off.

while doing it like they look stupid