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My 25 year old son has Asperger's and is stealing from me. Help

S

Spanky18

Active Member
My 25 year old son, who lives at home and we support, steals from us when he doesn't have any money. He takes either my debit card or his Mom's and somehow guess random pin numbers and withdraws money. $ 200 at a time. When caught (Usually right away) he expresses regret, doesn't why he did it, and promises not to do it again. What makes no sense is I give him money whenever he asks. Any ideas why he does this?
 
In the Jewish religion, we are told that someone [example a thief] might need something more than we do [more than we can understand.] There is a lenient attitude. I was born poor and understand a lot. What is your communication level with him? How much time a week do you spend with him on an activity you both enjoy? Are you aware of the economic depression that hit the USA in 1999 and has never let up? Or of the extreme lack of work opportunities & getting ahead for the younger generations?

Sometimes when we get old, we forgot how difficult it was in the beginning and especially the breaks we got. There are few breaks today in the McJobs atmosphere. Today we live with a dystopian viewpoint...especially the younger ones.

My first gut reaction is crack cocaine. If someone is sucking up $200 bucks at a pop, it could be drugs. Or it's just living expenses, trying to enjoy the Summer/Fall etc. Have you talked to him about what he needs the money for? Without a doubt this sounds like an intergenerational miscommunication thing. Good luck!!!!




Spanky18 said:
My 25 year old son, who lives at home and we support, steals from us when he doesn't have any money. He takes either my debit card or his Mom's and somehow guess random pin numbers and withdraws money. $ 200 at a time. When caught (Usually right away) he expresses regret, doesn't why he did it, and promises not to do it again. What makes no sense is I give him money whenever he asks. Any ideas why he does this?
Click to expand...
 
It is odd, since, as you said, you give him money when he asks. It is also extremely inappropriate. I would try to not keep those cards where he had access to them.
 
My bad, sorry I didn't see the below. Hope you can spend more time with him as this is a big red flag. He might be in trouble thru an addiction or other and doesn't know how to tell you. Good luck.


Spanky18 said:
What makes no sense is I give him money whenever he asks. Any ideas why he does this?
Click to expand...
 
Seriously? I see no reason why you can't punish him normally. He may be an aspie, but that doesn't mean he's retarded. And at 25 years old? Jesus Christ... don't give him any excuses and stop justifying his actions as part of his "condition". I don't know the precise nature of your relationship, but don't let him run your lives this way. If you have to, take away his xbox or whatever.
 
I agree with Sparticus. I'd first consider substance abuse as a prime motivation. Some parents are overt enablers when it comes to their children's substance abuse. Others are not, and their children might respond accordingly.

About the only other thing that comes to mind is kleptomania as a possibly a comorbid condition. Of course not being a medical professional, I can only speculate.
 
I used to do that when I was 16 not 25... And since I used to steal my parent's credit card back then I can tell you that we don't ask for the money because we don't want to reveal the reason to you (because its usually something we know is wrong but we can't help but go back to).

Mine was less sinister, but no less worse, since I stole money to buy video games (I didn't even play some of these games! Just had some kind of addiction to buying things to relieve my stress).

I would suggest talking about it, but don't be confrontational, we usually know its wrong but we're so frustrated we don't know what else to do.
 
I feel that the point here is that he is acting in a way that you do not allow and is causing you stress. I don't believe that he really does not know he is doing this, although he may not know why. If you work openly with him, you may be able to figure this thing out together. If he is not willing, then it is likely an addiction, or that he has something to hide.
 
cracking the pass word may be an aspie trait, I think a lot of the top code breakers in WWII had some form of aspergers, as to the rest I am not sure.
 
Warwick C said:
cracking the pass word may be an aspie trait, I think a lot of the top code breakers in WWII had some form of aspergers, as to the rest I am not sure.
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Yes, breaking a code is work of a genius and can be an AS trait, but stealing is another thing...
 
Wild guess time (I don't think the OP is coming back, so clarification seems unlikely):
  • OP's son has a limited skills managing and respecting the value of money
  • OP's son knows all too well that he is given money whenever he asks
  • OP's son rationalises that it's not stealing because he would be given the money if he asked (and if there is an understanding that he just has to ask first but can always expect the money, upto $200, then it could be argued that what he doing is more a breach of trust / violation of the agreement than "stealing")
  • OP's son knows that this is wrong and will get him into trouble but does it anyway
What I can't explain is where the OP's son is getting the card's PIN from, but if they are random as the OP suggests than I feel it is certain that he is not guessing them as suggested by the OP, nor is he code breaking them as suggested above.

NB: The PIN is not stored on the card at all - there is no code to crack. With a random 4 digit PIN there may be only around 10000 possibilities but to compensate for this I believe banks lock cards after too many incorrect tries (for my bank it's 3 consecutive incorrect PIN entries in a 24 hour period)
 
Yeah, there seems to be a susceptibility to drugs for aspies. We depend on the routine of it, and in a world that could be just tiring it may be the only release for some of us. Hope it isn't but i would be suspicious if i were you
 
Each person is different. People deserve to be respected, but there comes a point where you can't let people walk all over you. Work with him, but if you have to, kick him out of the home and send him off to a shelter. I really don't like the thought of that, but if it comes to that, then stand your ground firmly!!
 
Im new, found out a year ago my 8 year old son has Asperger's, i'm seperated from his Mum and have been before birth. When he's with me he enjoys it and always chooses to come when we ask him so he's comfortable with it. He is beautiful, has bright moments, and like me suffers with Adhd. I worry how behind he is at times and his focus/attention span and want to help with techniques that work for others in my position. Can anyone share thoughts with simular experiences who has experienced Asperger's? Again i'm new so i'm sorry if i'm in the wrong section of this app.
 
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