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Misinterpreting emotion.

Kobus

Kobus

Learning something everyday,
I have noticed recently that people keep misinterpreting my emotions or intentions. For example three people (on separate occasions) have told me that it "it seems I don't like them very much". In other cases people tend to think I'm serious when I'm joking.I would like to hear from you, does this happen to you and do you think it has to do with an aspies inability to express emotion properly
 
People never understand that I'm joking, when I'm joking. And then they just look at me, possibly puzzled, because my jokes don't makes sense if interpreted as serious statements.
 
Ì actually had a situation like this last weekend. But then again, perhaps even my mind makes something else out of it.

I was at this rave, hanging out at the bar, being the aspie I am, not talking to anyone, sipping on my drink in the darkest corner, lol. I was enjoying myself, though I wasn't really in the mood for dancing. I didn't know any people, nor did I have any intention to actually converse.

So eventually, a woman walks up to me. "Everything ok?" she asked and I told her everything was fine. In an attempt to strike conversation I asked her how she was doing and such, had a very brief chat where she told me she didn't really enjoy the type of music at the rave we were both attending. Aside from me wanting to be the smartass telling her "then what are you doing here, if you don't like this kind of music?" I kinda kept quiet, instead of making it look like I was critizing how she'd spend her saturday night.

Anyway; the fact that she came up to me and asked me if everything was ok, might've been just to strike conversation, yet considering where I was standing, on my own and such, it might also be her asking me if I was actually enjoying myself or if I was on the verge of, well, I don't know... a breakdown, or at least emotionally not doing well.

It's sometimes that these situations confuse me, since I have no idea if, and perhaps this is even worse, when it revolves around women, if they try to strike up a conversation or they're just curious and actually caring.

I'm not really the type of guy who walks around with huge grin on his face; not because I'm miserable... far from it (heck, a friend of mine told me this earlier this week "despite you dressing in black, you're actually a pretty cheery guy who likes to laugh and have a good time").

It's one of the rare situations where it happens. My parents don't ask me if I'm ok, my friends never do... these people know, that if I'm not ok, I will tell them. And perhaps similarly, if I'm not in the mood for a party cause I'm feeling like crap, I'll opt to stay home instead. It's also when the notion of asking someone how he's doing at a party/rave is odd in that I can't understand why someone who is not feeling at least neutral or better, would even haul his/her butt to such an event. Oncemore makes me think "you silly NT's", lol.

Ste11aeres said:
People never understand that I'm joking, when I'm joking. And then they just look at me, possibly puzzled, because my jokes don't makes sense if interpreted as serious statements.
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Yeah, mine would seem so non-sequitur as well if they're being perceived as serious statements sometimes. Yet people still ask me "are you joking?".

Perhaps my issue is that sometimes I just have a funny way of expressing myself. I often use humor, even when it's a serious matter; euphemisms and such. That in turn makes people laugh a bit more about the issues at hand and often lightens the mood a bit.

Delivery with a straight face throws people off though. I mean, if you're joking and already smiling, people know what's coming. Keeping a pokerface while making a remark definitely puts people on the wrong track.
 
Well, some people go because they're friends force them to, and sometimes they go to a party to try and lighten their mood or forgotten their problem. We must remember that not everybody is like us. Some people "recharge" by being alone, other "recharge" by being with people. But yea, usually when I'm just "recharging" from a lot of social interaction, people tend to ask if I'm fine.
 
Kobus said:
Well, some people go because they're friends force them to, and sometimes they go to a party to try and lighten their mood or forgotten their problem. We must remember that not everybody is like us. Some people "recharge" by being alone, other "recharge" by being with people. But yea, usually when I'm just "recharging" from a lot of social interaction, people tend to ask if I'm fine.
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Oh I'm well aware of that.

It's just.. .peer pressure never really worked for me, despite not always being the lone guy. (I suppose I'm more of the guy who "pressures' people, heh).

What's also relevant to consider when talking clubs and such. Liquor. Sometimes people will walk up to you. Some people wont do it when they're sober, but are less inhibited. But that by itself makes me question her motive even more, lol.

Especially, when she left with her friend she made brief eye contact... and for a second I actually considered following her outside to see what she wanted, lol. But.. I was enjoying the music too much... most likely again, in true aspie fashion.

"People want to talk to you at a club. Shhhhhht... I'm enjoying the music"... that's me pretty much, hah.

Edit; Despite stating "silly NT's".. for what it's worth, she might not even be NT, lol. Such a superficial judgement call on my behalf, haha.
 
Love it, we escape into our own little world, but the irony is that it is the real world, like for example, words and social indications (such as a wink) a're made up by people but sounds have existed from the beginning...sorry if this is confusing.
 
Kobus said:
Love it, we escape into our own little world, but the irony is that it is the real world, like for example, words and social indications (such as a wink) a're made up by people but sounds have existed from the beginning...sorry if this is confusing.
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Oh, it's not confusing at all ^^

Probably why I do better with anything music related than social interaction as well, lol
 
My DH is the only one who seems to reliably be able to discern when I'm joking or not. Some of my family members have been especially offended because they didn't know I was joking. I've made the effort to lighten up and joke with them like I do with my DH and kids, which is not in destructive ways at all (not put downs or anything), but still a few family members in particular somehow manage to get deeply offended. And it's not uncommon at all for me to get blank states from other people when I try to make a joke. I'm just not that funny.
 
Kobus said:
... not everybody is like us. Some people "recharge" by being alone, other "recharge" by being with people...
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Hey! That's something I never really thought about, but it's true. NTs probably get as much benefit from social interactions as I get from hiding in my house with the cats for two days.

Thanks for bringing that to my attention, Kobus. :)
 
Oh yeah ... only my friend and business partner of 14 years can tell when I'm joking. My current bf says he's never really sure. I've also been told I appear very self-absorbed and not open to social interaction. Most of the time this would be an accurate assessment, but it doesn't mean I don't like certain people. I'm just sort of thinking my own little thoughts in my own little world, and I must look rather serious while I'm doing it. I do think this is an AS issue ... somehow lacking the appropriate social signals.
 
Cali Cat said:
Hey! That's something I never really thought about, but it's true. NTs probably get as much benefit from social interactions as I get from hiding in my house with the cats for two days.
:)
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As an NT, I would say that it is often the case, especially if the interactions are with close/good friends (from what I "get", those interactions have a similar energising effect on NTs than spending time on a special interest has for aspies). NTs who are overtired, feel depressed, or have jobs that require them to attend a lot of big social activities tend to need to recharge alone to some extent, but probably less (or for shorter periods) than aspies. When it comes to larger gatherings, parties, etc., interactions can be tiring to NTs too, especially the more introvert NTs.
 
I think the the difference lies between introverts and extroverts, not between NTs and Aspies but most aspies are introverts so... but everybody need some alone time , just like aspies and introvert also need some social time.
 
When I held a normal job my coworkers were often convinced I didn't like them. Not entirely true, I thought they were alright enough as a person, they were just lousy workers.
 
I've lived in my area for a year now, slightly longer than my neighbours, who I'm starting to get along with quite well. I nod, smile, say hi to everyone I recognise, as that's the friendly thing to do, but no-one ever responds back and they look at me as if at a stranger! My neighbours, however, know everyone, have been out for drinks, etc.
It's as if I go out every day with a different face and no-one recognises me.. or I'm invisible and they've only heard a disembodied voice.. I dunno. I've checked in the mirror and I can see it and it's still the same one! :confused:
 
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