"Men can't be physically abused."

[Marcus]

I'll be digging into my past here with this thread, I know I'm probably going to regret posting this, but when you don't really have anyone else to tell things to in the world I guess this is better than nothing.

In my last relationship I was physically abused on an almost daily basis because she thought that I was faking my autism and she said that I was "too soft and needed to be toughened up."

She said it was my job to take care of her, not the other way around, regardless of any issues I had whatsoever, being a male I'm supposed to just grit my teeth and push on apparently.

She told me that if I ever ran to someone and told them that I was being abused, that they wouldn't believe me because "men can't be physically abused."

Well, I guess I just faked all the bruises and blood that I spilled? Sure, whatever.

Apparently to be successful in a relationship, bringing physical issues (which I have no control over) and autism into the mix is not an option.

"No woman wants to think that her significant other is just a burden, and that's exactly what you are."

Yeah.. that line still keeps me up at night.

Towards the end of the relationship, she started telling me that she always had a problem with the fact that I'm not very muscular, and apparently being six feet tall isn't tall enough.

I remember asking her "Then why didn't you break it off with me sooner?" to which she replied "Because I thought that you would change for me."

My mind usually isn't on this particular subject often, it just popped into my head and took over, and I didn't just want to sit here and let it dominate me the rest of the day.

 

[Judge]

To my knowledge physical or mental abuse doesn't have a gender.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Wow, dude. I don't know you but you could do so much more better for yourself than this soiled mattress of an excuse of a human being. Don't think for a second that she was in the right or that you don't deserve to be in a relationship where support is both given and received. This woman - if you can call her that, has psychological issues. I don't want to throw around terms but she has them.

Find someone who will love you for you.

 

[Judge]

I can't help but wonder if this might be about those persons who have that "bad boy" or "bad girl" thing going. A type of attraction that can have great appeal for some. And that if one doesn't measure up to such an expectation, this sort of thing might happen as a projection of disappointment or even something misinterpreted.

Agreed. Find someone who likes you for being you and not merely some kind of expectation you don't- or can't live up to.

 

[JeffW021963]

Men can be abused, regardless of other concerns - autism or Aspergers makes no difference. Whether it's mental, physical, or psychological, it happens. Men are less likely to talk about it for fear of being labeled or stigmatized. I've been in abusive relationships, and they are all years in my rear-view mirror.

There have been isolated incidents of physicality in my current relationship, and on one such occasion, she made the mistake of smacking me upside the head for no reason other than I was trying to get away from a situation that was escalating and nearly out of control. Unfortunately for both of us, she hit a trigger and I fought back. That night very nearly ended us - neither of us was seriously injured, but it brought us to the edge of a cliff and very nearly over the edge. After that, I made it absolutely clear that physical violence and abuse has no place in our lives together, and if she thinks she needs a punching bag that bad, best of luck with whoever comes next.

I've also found it necessary to assess how I respond to her during a conversation. I often misconstrue her criticism of something I am doing and automatically go on the defensive (I don't read body language or facial expressions well, so I can't always tell when she is playfully rattling my cage versus getting on me about something). I've told her on several such occasions that it isn't the content of what she is saying, its the delivery. She is discovering that she gets a more constructive response if she doesn't resort to yelling and criticism - I'm much more likely to hear her without throwing a defensive barrier in the way. That's something we are working on together.

In short, be glad you are out of a relationship where she felt the need to try to 'toughen you up' - that was just her excuse-du-jour, attempted justification, etc.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Men can be abused. Sadly many people do not take abuse directed as men by women as seriously as abuse directed at women by men, but it is just as serious and there are charities etc. trying to raise awareness of male domestic abuse.