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Meeting new people issues

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Prince Dar

New Member
I've found that I can meet people in specific settings. Right now it's just a psych day program and a drop in center with many of the same people. This is a small town in a small county, so there's not much to do either, so my options to meet new people are limited to those or forcing myself to socialize in stores. I could do this in a job possibly, but as of yet I don't have one, but soon. I have found that in certain situations if I'm really happy it may be a possibility. Recreating one situation in college orientation several years ago would be hard to do, but I can sort of see that. I do better when I'm approached. But that doesn't happen here. It also feels extremely awkward and unnatural to small talk. Perhaps I'd do better to watch two people randomly meet and talk for the first time. I don't know. Any ideas, techniques, or things to keep in mind?

Oh and keeping up with these friends to either meet with them at home or whatever is an issue too.
 
Yeah basically I've noticed the same for myself. Social connecting happens almost exclusively in contexts where I am required to see the same people regularly over a long period of time (ie. work, volunteering, clubs). And yeah, when I'm feeling more energetic than usual I can make a larger social footprint (ie. talk more, and feel like connection has occurred), although that doesn't really lead to relationships being developed.

What I try to keep in mind is that most introverts have this problem to some extent or another. The way we bond with people is just different, and the world isn't really set up for that. So don't beat yourself up for it, and I don't think you need to force yourself to function in ways that are awkward and unnatural. You can approach it like a challenge if you have the energy, but I don't.
 
I really dislike the uncertainty that arises from trying to meet new people. I worked at a Help Desk, and the advantage of that kind of work was that people I didn't know would call me for a specific purpose. They weren't trying to make small talk; they wanted their problem solved (and that was something I could help with). If their's was a particularly troublesome issue, I would go to them and meet and talk, but always with a purpose (to fix the issue). When I got the problem fixed or found it couldn't be fixed, I was free to leave (no dangling conversations). But later, as they recognized me as a helpful person, they would start up conversations with me. It worked all around.
In a couple of instances, I was invited to peoples' homes to help their issues there too (and that paid pretty well too!).
 
Not being near a big city makes it tough, especially if you have quirky interests. What I recommend is looking for interest groups that fit your interests. If you can drive, even if it's a long distance, it may be worthwhile for you to give it a try. If you can't, but if you have a ton of money, look into Uber and Lyft (Keep in mind some of these "taxi" apps are no longer allowed in certain cities.) That way, your "small talk" can possibly be about things that you and others in the group are interested in rather than boring, vague stuff like hi, hello, you are a friendly person in 10000 different ways.

www.meetup.com is a good website to try to look for your interests too.
 
Unfortunately transportation is an issue. No Uber. No lyft. No taxi. No car. Yeah. Small town.

I've actually been very fragile lately. I'm easily hurt when I'm told I made some kind of mistake. Breaking a rule. Saying something I don't intend offense by. Honestly I kind of know that I should just accept that I made a mistake, apologize, learn from it and move on. And that I take things too personally. Being told I made a mistake, even if they're clearly a little upset with me does not mean they don't like me and does not reflect on me as a person. It just means "don't do it again." I became more fragile since fibromyalgia took hold. I ended up with a form of bipolar.
 
Prince Dar said:
Unfortunately transportation is an issue. No Uber. No lyft. No taxi. No car. Yeah. Small town.

I've actually been very fragile lately. I'm easily hurt when I'm told I made some kind of mistake. Breaking a rule. Saying something I don't intend offense by. Honestly I kind of know that I should just accept that I made a mistake, apologize, learn from it and move on. And that I take things too personally. Being told I made a mistake, even if they're clearly a little upset with me does not mean they don't like me and does not reflect on me as a person. It just means "don't do it again." I became more fragile since fibromyalgia took hold. I ended up with a form of bipolar.
Click to expand...

I'm NT and experience the same feelings you do around socialisation and I'm the same with being easily hurt and taking things too personally, but can only imagine a fraction of how it feels for you... I tend to avoid meeting new people if possible xx

Can I just add, I'm not in anyway trying to say I feel exactly the same, ofc I couldn't, and I don't mean to say I understand as such, just that I experience similar feelings xx
 
ksheehan88 said:
I'm NT and experience the same feelings you do around socialisation and I'm the same with being easily hurt and taking things too personally, but can only imagine a fraction of how it feels for you... I tend to avoid meeting new people if possible xx

Can I just add, I'm not in anyway trying to say I feel exactly the same, ofc I couldn't, and I don't mean to say I understand as such, just that I experience similar feelings xx
Click to expand...

Good point. Thanks for sharing. I thought the same of myself for years. Didn't have a clue I could be on the spectrum of autism. Just thought I was introverted and sensitive, making things like friends and friendship more difficult. I also grew up moving around a lot in a military family, so I just assumed much of it was based on that. Where no matter how many friends you make, you have to leave them in just a few short years. And that for some, they eventually stop trying.

There can be any number of reasons for why socialization can be difficult, whether one is on the spectrum or not.
 
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