Meaningless conversations

[Grumpy Cat]

NT girl here. I went ahead and called my friend Mary last night knowing it could end in a 5 hr phone conversation. I think the main reason I did it is because it gets my mind off of my other problems that are stressing me and I get to "rekindle" our friendship. She updates me on what's going on in the condoplex (especially with the HOA meetings that I don't attend now because of school) and our neighbors. We try to solve each others problems and for NT women, just talking about things is a big stress reliever. I was lucky - the conversation only lasted 2 hrs this time then my Mama called for some more meaningless conversation.

 

[Ereth]

I wonder why people waste their time engaging in conversations that lack any transcendence both to the collective and themselves. Anyone knows?

You'd do well to discard the assumption that such conversations are meaningless. At their worst that may be true, but consider that they will often be meaningful to the other party. Someone may also think that what you deem worthy of discussion is a waste of time.

Most of the time, idle chat serves as a kind of "social lubricant"---that is, people want to make conversation, but don't always have an idea of how to go about it. It's about trying to be friendly, really.

 

[icesyckel]

I just like olive oil, for the record, and there is quite a bit to know about it. For example, much of what you buy in the store is not really "extra virgin" olive oil, implying it was from the first pressing. "Extra light," also, is an unregulated term that could mean you are paying more for less "valuable" olive oil.

However, I actually tend to think all varieties of olive oil have varying degrees of flavor. Olive oil from other pressings are often still very flavorful.

Anyway, back on topic, I think aspies have many conversations that are "meaningless" to NT's and even other NT's not interested in our obsessions. I would be hypocritical to call NT conversations meaningless while droning on about olive oil. Their conversations might bore me, just as mine about olive oil bored my wife. But boring does not equate to meaningless.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I just like olive oil, for the record, and there is quite a bit to know about it. For example, much of what you buy in the store is not really "extra virgin" olive oil, implying it was from the first pressing. "Extra light," also, is an unregulated term that could mean you are paying more for less "valuable" olive oil.

However, I actually tend to think all varieties of olive oil have varying degrees of flavor. Olive oil from other pressings are often still very flavorful.

Anyway, back on topic, I think aspies have many conversations that are "meaningless" to NT's and even other NT's not interested in our obsessions. I would be hypocritical to call NT conversations meaningless while droning on about olive oil. Their conversations might bore me, just as mine about olive oil bored my wife. But boring does not equate to meaningless.

So is olive oil your new obsession? What started you on liking olive oil? Do you cook a lot?

If you know anything about light bulbs, can you head on over to the "How Many Aspies Does It Take" thread and help those fellow Aspies out? At the rate they're going the light bulb will never get changed.

 

[icesyckel]

So is olive oil your new obsession? What started you on liking olive oil? Do you cook a lot?

If you know anything about light bulbs, can you head on over to the "How Many Aspies Does It Take" thread and help those fellow Aspies out? At the rate they're going the light bulb will never get changed.

Light bulbs are not my obsession, and I have moved on from olive oil, but it did hold my interest for about two hours one night while I researched it thoroughly online.

As to why I like olive oil - I don't know that there's a reason. The biggest NT expectation I seem to have trouble meeting is a certain expectation that I have a "train of thought."

I do analyze things, and so I do follow chains of reason a lot of the time. But that applies to problem-solving, observations, etc. My nickname in school was "random," because I start thinking of things without necessarily having a catalyst I can identify. One night, I started thinking about olive oil. I could explain my train of thought, research, analyses, and results to you in excruciating detail if you like, but as to why it occurred to me to look into it in the first place?

Like every other human being there are things I like, and things I don't. Why is blue somebody's favorite colour? Why does olive oil interest me? The answer is the same. While I do cook, I'd have been interested in olive oil even if I didn't.

The big difference being, however, that NT's seem to need a reason to start thinking about their favorite colour. They see the sky is particularly blue and that triggers it or possibly someone asks. Me, I could be sitting in a sensory deprivation chamber, and I will be thinking about something. Sometimes, in fact, I get so engrossed in my own thoughts I lose track of space and time entirely.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Quite often I feel hopelessly caught somewhere in the middle of both scenarios. It makes me sad. But then I could never see going to a birthday party for someone I didn't know. I once had to do that to fulfill a social obligation of my father...it was horribly awkward, involving the daughter of my father's boss.

I was pretty miserable.

 

[wyverary]

Perhaps this makes me a black sheep among Aspies, but there are times when I enjoy "meaningless conversations" and get something out of them, even if the conversation itself is not particularly meaningful.

Case in point: I have an NT friend, whom I love dearly, and when I am feeling down (I have been in a major depressive episode these past few weeks), I give her a call, just to engage in some small talk--what she made for lunch, a particularly annoying co-worker she had to deal with, just to list some examples. It helps take my mind off things and makes me feel like there is someone who cares--the relationship is meaningful even if the dialogue is not so much.

 

[Judge]

It helps take my mind off things and makes me feel like there is someone who cares--the relationship is meaningful even if the dialogue is not so much.

But what you are conveying inherently has purpose.

The content of conversation might be "meaningless", but the intent for it is anything but.

That works for this Aspie.

 

[May Black]

My problem doesn't really lie in the actual act of small talk, rather my need for silence. Sometimes I just don't wish to be talked to. My mother has this terrible habit of constant talking even when there really isn't anything to say. She'll start as soon as she wakes up, even though I've told her I really do not wish to talk to anyone until I've had my coffee and feel like my brain is on. She cannot handle even a minute of silence. I feel like I need a break to sort my thoughts from time to time, if I don't get that, I'll just stop listening. I don't really engage in small talk by myself, but I don't mind participating in it.

I just like olive oil, for the record, and there is quite a bit to know about it. For example, much of what you buy in the store is not really "extra virgin" olive oil, implying it was from the first pressing. "Extra light," also, is an unregulated term that could mean you are paying more for less "valuable" olive oil.

However, I actually tend to think all varieties of olive oil have varying degrees of flavor. Olive oil from other pressings are often still very flavorful.

I went to an olive oil tasting last winter. It was actually extremely interesting. I'm sure you'd enjoy it.

 

[zurb]

Douglas Adams had some insight into this topic:

"One of the things Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about humans was their habit of continually stating and repeating the very very obvious, as in It’s a nice day, or You’re very tall, or Oh dear you seem to have fallen down a thirty-foot well, are you all right? At first Ford had formed a theory to account for this strange behaviour. If human beings don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their mouths probably seize up. After a few months’ consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favour of a new one. If they don’t keep exercising their lips, he thought, their brains start working."
- Douglas Adams

 

[DogwoodTree]

I prefer coconut oil when I'm cooking...helps bring out flavors without altering them, and the oil is more stable at higher temperatures.

 

[Randomperson]

Olives are not edible, ask anyone a raw olive is the most poisonous tasting horrible flavor in the world! Someone got the idea to try pickling them and squeezing them for oil and started a bunch of hype that this made them edible and some people fell for it, but they are still toxic waste in my opinion....

 

[abby normal]

when I hear people talking about what was on commercial tv the previous night, that seems meaningless to me. worse yet is when I hear people talking about what this celebrity did or what sports they saw last night. but that's just me.

 

[Randomperson]

when I hear people talking about what was on commercial tv the previous night, that seems meaningless to me. worse yet is when I hear people talking about what this celebrity did or what sports they saw last night. but that's just me.

I agree, personally celebrities are a waste of oxygen to me, but people do enjoy sports and gossip and following this tv series or that. Most of those conversations seem to be on an intelligence level = to dogs barking at each other, sure noise is being made that they understand, but nothing is accomplished, and nobody gets more intelligent from it.....

 

[Daniel]

It's tough--be your unique self and pay the price of isolation, while it feels like others can just show up, be themselves, and get along just fine. Sports and television shows are an easy common ground. At the website Succeed Socially.com | A Free Guide On How To Improve Social Skills For Adults the author, a shy person who learned how to get along, recommends staying current on at least some things that are going on in the world so you'll have something to talk about with people.

I will say this about sports conversations, though... My least favorite variety are when those involved offer blatantly obvious commentary. Like, "Those Leafs aren't going to win if they can't score on the power play." Or, "They gotta come through in those situations." Basically--they talk about it as if the players involved didn't know that the object of the game was to win it.

Or as if succeeding is just a given, and if they are major league professional athletes, they should just be able to score/win/succeed at will. "They don't pay him ten million dollars a year to strike out with runners in scoring position." That's when I'll point out that in baseball, if you succeed 30% of the time at hitting, that will typically put you in the top twenty of all players, out of the 800 players who are good enough to get to the elite level. So to expect success on demand, whenever it would be expedient, is silly.

Yeah, math doesn't go over well at the sports bar!

 

[abby normal]

I agree, personally celebrities are a waste of oxygen to me, but people do enjoy sports and gossip and following this tv series or that. Most of those conversations seem to be on an intelligence level = to dogs barking at each other, sure noise is being made that they understand, but nothing is accomplished, and nobody gets more intelligent from it.....

raising intelligence is not their goal, it is to pass the time until they kick the bucket, I am guessing. IOW most people lead lives of quiet desperation.

 

[icesyckel]

Olives are not edible, ask anyone a raw olive is the most poisonous tasting horrible flavor in the world! Someone got the idea to try pickling them and squeezing them for oil and started a bunch of hype that this made them edible and some people fell for it, but they are still toxic waste in my opinion....

I love olives and have eaten them fresh. The ones I purchase are usually brined, though, rather than pickled.

 

[Manuheleku]

I tried brining my own olives, but they developed a mold before they were done, probably not enough salt.

 

[icesyckel]

I tried brining my own olives, but they developed a mold before they were done, probably not enough salt.

I've never tried, but I did brine a turkey several times. It does take quite a bit of salt.

 

[abby normal]

I suspect supertasters have in common the intolerance of the powerful flavor of olives.