Masks

[Cogs Of My Cranium]

We all know that NT people wear a variety of masks depending on the situation, jobs and the people they are with etc. I also know the aspie people can do the same. I've always found formulating a mask difficult. Can someone tell me how a persona is formed and basically what are the components of it? I used to think I had a different persona within me however now I realise that it's not a persona, it's more image based, like something I want to project rather than actually play. At first I thought of this alternative mask as radically different from myself, that is should be radically different. However it seems NT masks are usually more numerous and subtle. How does a person stay internally centred on the person they really are while wearing such masks? I often think a mask would be useful mainly for defensive reasons but I also want some masks for more proactive reasons. I know it's good to say be yourself and it is...but we all know that human beings change depending on the situation in society. As a kind of side note I'm also interested in any fellow writer's experiences in formulating characters for their writing as I feel masks and characters may be closely linked.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I'm not sure what you're asking, it seems like multiple questions. With masks, I wear a mask at work all the time. I just call it my customer service mask. I work as a cashier and when i'm at work in my uniform on the clock behind my register i can wear it very well, scripted small talk, fake confidence, and everything, but only then. I can't do it when i'm not behind the register either, even if i'm just getting ready to leave work and am putting away the things customers handed me that they didn't want over behind the customer service desk. I once had a customer come up to me, angry that i'd turned off my light and left my register because it was time for me to go home, and rather than talk to him in a professional manner like i would have behind my register i couldn't. I just stood there frozen like i would normally be. I'm just lucky my manager came over and stood up for me. I find that for me the mask is a mask and a role at the same time, and i have to be in a certain mindset, in my uniform, behind my register or i can't slide into it.

 

[The Penguin]

I'm not sure what you're asking, it seems like multiple questions.

I'm glad I'm not the only one feel confused.

 

[DogwoodTree]

How does a person stay internally centred on the person they really are while wearing such masks?

I don't think that I do...remain centered, that is. I need some serious "recovery time" after being around people, to figure out again who I am and regain my equilibrium. The amount of time needed and the intensity of the recovery time vary depending on who I was with, for how long, and what happened (like if anything stressful happened).

This past weekend, for example, DH and the kids and I traveled to see my mom's family for a holiday get-together on the other side of the state. Thankfully, this time we stayed at DH's parents' house, which was much less taxing on me emotionally, but just the time I had to spend around my mom (we're having some serious issues lately) and her family (most of them are nice, but I'm not particularly close to any of them)...I've been battling after-effects for two days now. I played the part I had to play, but finding my equilibrium again has been a real challenge.

 

[pushpin]

Right now, I'm not socializing much. I can count the number of times I have left the house in the past couple of months on my hands. So, this it's not something that I have had to do recently, putting on a mask.

I'm not really sure what a persona really is. When I read the word, I think of a really great movie called Persona.

But anyway, I'm not sure that it would necessarily be beneficial to prepare different modes of falseness (maybe I misunderstand you?). Any mask I put on is exhausting for me and leaves me feeling empty and a bit sad. I just rather not pretend and deal with the social consequences of not pretending. I have learned to curb my tongue though, that is to not say exactly what I'm thinking at all times.

 

[Suzanne]

I wear many different masks, because life is cruel and I do not wish to end up in a mental hospital, but, paradoxically, it puts a terrible strain on me, because I am getting to the stage of screaming inside and fighting to maintain my identity ie true identity.

Every day, I sort of have little revelations about myself and today, it is about me being inheritantly, a peaceful person, but those masks, have overshadowed that and I end up thinking that I am NOT a peaceful person, because of having deep anger issues and constantly wanting to hit out at, well, sorry, but stupid, idiot people, but I do not have the self control to calmly say, that was not very nice, for I feel myself wanting to commit murder, I just do mentally!

It is hard to pretend when it is not voluntary, for I recently discovered that I really like acting, because I can pretend to be someone else and put on that mask, but, in a fun way.

It is true, that wearing masks is a fundamental human trait, for we all have to restrain ourselves in some area.

 

[Ellylldan]

It's very hard for me to put on a mask and pretend to be someone else. Many times before meeting people I had practiced a whole conversation in my head like rehearsing a role, but when it was the time to act, I wasn't lasting long... For this reason, meeting someone new, sometimes I can hold an act for some time, person get's interested in talking to me but after some time I gradually return to being myself and the situation gets so awkward and uncomfortable, and the person uses some silly excuse to run away.
But, in a very rare (I would even say extremely rare!) occasion I can meet someone really cool with whom the real conversation will start after the mask is dropped!

I wear a mask at work all the time. I just call it my customer service mask. I work as a cashier and when i'm at work in my uniform on the clock behind my register i can wear it very well, scripted small talk, fake confidence, and everything, but only then. I can't do it when i'm not behind the register either, even if i'm just getting ready to leave work and am putting away the things customers handed me that they didn't want over behind the customer service desk. I once had a customer come up to me, angry that i'd turned off my light and left my register because it was time for me to go home, and rather than talk to him in a professional manner like i would have behind my register i couldn't. I just stood there frozen like i would normally be. I'm just lucky my manager came over and stood up for me. I find that for me the mask is a mask and a role at the same time, and i have to be in a certain mindset, in my uniform, behind my register or i can't slide into it.

I had a very similar way with dealing with it when I was working with people.. I remember a lot of weird (and afterwards even funny!) situations with meeting people from work on my free time. And anyway it was always depending on how much of inner energy I have. There were days when I wasn't able to put a mask on, and I just couldn't function. Fortunately, at one job I had a supervisor that was able to understand me and became very protective of me and supportive, and in those hard times she helped me a lot.

 

[Suzanne]

I had practiced a whole conversation in my head like rehearsing a role, but when it was the time to act, I wasn't lasting long... For this reason, meeting someone new, sometimes I can hold an act for some time, person get's interested in talking to me but after some time I gradually return to being myself and the situation gets so awkward and uncomfortable, and the person uses some silly excuse to run away.

Oh wow, I do this all the time!! That is I practice the whole conversation but it NEVER goes like that, because naturally, the other person was not in the conversation and as my husband always says: you get disappointed because they do not react how you want them too and yep that is true, but come on, it is not exactly like we are saying dreadful things; we just want to get along!! And yes, when the person actually shows interest in me, I let my guide down and that is it, don't see them for dust!

It has got to the point, I try to visualize in a negative way, so that I can be prepared, but it sadly, still does not go that way!

So now, my mask is one of smiles and appearing to go along with stupid comments (because when I question, I actually get the hand on my mouth, to stop me going further) and so, I do, because I know it is futile, and so smile and can't wait to escape!

 

[Spiller]

always depending on how much of inner energy I have. There were days when I wasn't able to put a mask on, and I just couldn't function.

I was able to wear a mask and learn to script at work for years, but it took a lot of energy, which was hard to recover at home as my NT ex-wife (now) didn't understand and allow me time to recuperate, so the batteries ran down and down, until I was unable to work anymore; the 'middle-age Aspie burnout'.
There are occasions since when I have to put that mask back on, if I meet an old customer, say, and it is an extreme effort that can leave me tired and down for days.

 

[Cogs Of My Cranium]

I remember my counsellor having a concerned look on her face when I told her that everything I was about to tell her in the session was scripted by me beforehand. However these script tend to run out eventually and I found myself having less and less scripts to say as the sessions went on. As my scripts ran out over time I actually felt a bit better as these script take up so much mental room and energy.

 

[Judge]

This sort of reminds me of when I first heard that actress Darryl Hannah acknowledged that she has autism. I was flabbergasted at first. Then I thought about it for a bit. Isn't that what a lot of us do to get by in this NT world?

- We ACT.

We just don't get paid for it.

 

[Spiller]

This sort of reminds me of when I first heard that actress Darryl Hannah acknowledged that she has autism. I was flabbergasted at first. Then I thought about it for a bit. Isn't that what a lot of us do to get by in this NT world?

Me too when I found out Tom Hanks has Aspergers! An amazing actor.. how do they cope with the anxiety?

 

[Judge]

Me too when I found out Tom Hanks has Aspergers! An amazing actor.. how do they cope with the anxiety?

I have often pondered that very thing. Maybe it's the idea of being able to completely "shed your own skin". To mentally and physically achieve becoming someone else...who has no social anxieties unless the character they're portraying actually does.

Sometimes I wonder how I might have done on the stage if I could challenge and conquer such anxieties. Just thinking of the potential "boost" to my self-confidence that might have given me...

 

[Spiller]

Maybe it's the idea of being able to completely "shed your own skin". To mentally and physically achieve become someone else...who has no social anxieties unless the character they're portraying actually does.

A self help book I read not so long ago suggested you pick someone whose body language you can observe, an actor, say, and imagine stepping into that persons skin, so you 'become' them.
It's not really worked for me, I tried but found there was too much to concentrate on at once, rather I've cobbled together bits from people-watching, so I've only had to deal with one thing at a time.. learning a walk, a standing still posture, practicing a default facial expression.

 

[epath13]

People learn to behave differently under different circumstances. They behave one way, with their parenrs, another way with their friends, third way with employers etc. Most people I've met are centered and don't go too far from who they are: what they believe about the world and themselves. You might say that somebody's wearing a mask when what they present contradicts their beliefs completely but they still do it for one reason or another. I did it because I thought who I was didn't fit into the environment. As I have mentioned before, I've been confused. Some people make statement that contradict their belief because of anxiety. Which is partially the same reason why I did it. There're also those who play roles (any roles) or wear masks to get what they want. I've read somewhere that sociopaths do it sometimes. I've never encounter a person like that close enough to pay attention to what they're doing. I might have seen a few but I wouldn't bet on it.

 

[Ellylldan]

I have often pondered that very thing. Maybe it's the idea of being able to completely "shed your own skin". To mentally and physically achieve becoming someone else...who has no social anxieties unless the character they're portraying actually does.

Sometimes I wonder how I might have done on the stage if I could challenge and conquer such anxieties. Just thinking of the potential "boost" to my self-confidence that might have given me...

I actually have a very little experience in acting, not as a movie star, of course, but in a music video for a local band. I was terrified when they offered it to me, but to my surprise it wasn't as hard for me as I expected. I actually quite enjoyed it. Well, I was playing a ghost, kind of a perfect role for me, hehe! The most amazing thing for me was that I didn't feel any anxiety, I was very nervous at first but then I got very much into the character and I felt pretty good. Also the band and the crew were all very nice people, I knew a few of them already and it helped. It was a very curious discovery about myself, the fact that I could actually do it. Not sure I would be able to play anything different than a ghost though.. But anyway, yeah, it does give you a boost of self-confidence! It didn't last long, that boost, but it still helps me feel a bit better about myself.

And still, in real life I find it waaaaay more difficult to act...

 

[Ellylldan]

I've cobbled together bits from people-watching, so I've only had to deal with one thing at a time.. learning a walk, a standing still posture, practicing a default facial expression.

Oh, I do this a lot, often without realising it. Not always successfully though. Sometimes I catch myself in a conversation doing something that I picked up from a person I'm talking to, oh no! Can be pretty embarrassing... And surely doesn't help to be less conscious about myself.

 

[Progster]

I had to learn to wear a mask in order to be able to do my job, which is a teacher. I had to learn to project my voice and appear confident and in charge. I learnt it by observing and imitating other teachers. But it was always very fragile, and whenever I was under stress it would crumble and fall.

I once watched a video where an autistic man was obsessed with a video camera and would only talk to people from behind the camera, interviewing them as a journalist would, holding a microphone. I believe that he was using the camera and the microphone as a kind mask, a device in order to distance himself from the person he was talking to so that he would feel comfortable enough to interact with them. I've always liked learning and talking in foreign languages, and have always absolutely hated it when I'm talking to someone in their language and they then start talking to me in English, my native tongue. I react with horror and fear. I never understood this extreme reaction until I watched this video, and realised that the foreign language I'm speaking serves exactly the same function for me as the video camera does for the autistic man, apart from being a special interest. I feel safe and secure behind it. Somehow it allows me to distance myself from the people, from my true self and all my anxieties, so I can approach and interact with them. Without it I feel extremely vulnerable, and that people will see through it and see who I really am.

 

[Spiller]

I had to learn to wear a mask in order to be able to do my job, which is a teacher. I had to learn to project my voice and appear confident and in charge. I learnt it by observing and imitating other teachers. But it was always very fragile, and whenever I was under stress it would crumble and fall.

I know this and sympathise greatly Progster, very much so! That feeling of fragility, trying to cope, projecting confidence and knowledge, when you know it's only a mask, thinly covering the pain and fear inside!

 

[XandirKai]

I also work in the customer service area. If I cannot avoid working cash registers(I am mainly in the back, unloading), I go into a bit of a panic, then I just act. I still can't do eye contact, but I am nice, and most people are nice back. If only I could stay in the back and listen to music all the time. Music works as a temporary recharge. It's calming to me, that way I don't stim that much. I have a few other masks. For family, friends, and sometimes my girlfriend. I was able to be very open with her. But now I am having to put my mask back on. I think I am getting annoying/overwhelming. When I get overwhelmed and need to recharge if people talk to me, even family, I am a bit snippy? Also I am even more sensitive to touch. I may have started to go off topic, so I will end here. Lol.