Mad Aspie Crushes

[DeltaVee]

Hello friends - does anyone else here experience the 'Mad Aspie Crush' - this is something I have experienced. Basically I tend to react to people that give me positive messages with a very inappropriate feeling of ?love?. It feels real, but am I just reacting to the feeling of being appreciated? Currently there is someone who gives me great feedback about the way I do stuff at work. Being Aspie, I feel such a lovely feeling of being appreciated that I have translated this into a bit of an obsession with that person - not sure if he feels anything more than a good working relationship. I came out to him as an Aspie and received a great deal of understanding - so of course I love him! Comments please??

 

[Pella]

we are kind used to getting negative attention because people think we are weird or annoying, so when we get positive attention its easy to get wrapped up in it, especially with our tendency to get a bit obsessive about things.

 

[King_Oni]

If anything, I might tend to get a bit overly obsessed with certain people I was in touch with. Add in that I tend to have, at times, a rather bouncy and hyperactive personality (and behaviour), I might come across as too much for some.

It's something I think I unwanted made people feel a bit uncomfy from and at some point they rather just not want me around, just because I was into them, in a perhaps "creepy" way.

I never had it with people at jobs or anything, just personal experiences with girls and all. Though I should say in hindsight; if they couldn't put up with me then... it would've been a mess later on.

As for people complimenting you... I can see how that might trigger your senses a bit, for reasons Pella pointed out. Not saying we're never good at anything, but from experience, I often get told "you're weird" and getting a positive remark every once in a while, makes me wonder motives of those people... and even more so if they might be from the opposite sex even.

 

[Mike_GX1]

Hello friends - does anyone else here experience the 'Mad Aspie Crush' - this is something I have experienced. Basically I tend to react to people that give me positive messages with a very inappropriate feeling of ?love?. It feels real, but am I just reacting to the feeling of being appreciated? Currently there is someone who gives me great feedback about the way I do stuff at work. Being Aspie, I feel such a lovely feeling of being appreciated that I have translated this into a bit of an obsession with that person - not sure if he feels anything more than a good working relationship. I came out to him as an Aspie and received a great deal of understanding - so of course I love him! Comments please??

Life can some times be a real battleground leading one to build up walls all around until they're safely sat in their castle's tower ready to deal with any hostilities when they come. One day a knight in shining armour comes along but rather than catapulting rocks up and over our defences in a hostile manner he comes with positive reinforcements (gifts that will help boost our esteem). Our heart is won and we can at last lower the drawbridge and let someone in.

From there we treasure our visitor and banquet with him and treat him like a king from a far away kingdom. He tells us of an existence which is possible outside our castle walls - an existence where we can be who we are without fear and people will love that.

But beware - do your homework and work out who that person really is and what they really want. Are they genuinely who they say they are or are they really the enemy with a friendly face now sat right within your castle walls? Or maybe your over possessiveness over this other person might turn them away and they may run from your castle never to be seen again. Tread with care and realise that for any kind of relationship to work there has to be a balance of feelings so don't go overboard.

DeltaVee: They did you a favour. You are grateful. You may even help them in return. But go easy - who knows what the future may bring. You might find he's only helping you because (for example) he wants your stapler (as it's the best one in the office) or he may turn out to be the best friend you ever had in the long run. Friends are very rarely made overnight and often take years to shape.

 

[Kelly]

who knows what the future may bring. You might find he's only helping you because (for example) he wants your stapler (as it's the best one in the office) or he may turn out to be the best friend you ever had in the long run.

This is very true, I've had what I thought were friends but every last one of them was using me for one thing or another...free website & design/business advice, free babysitter/ride/someone to hang out with until I can get the hell away from this town and back to my real friends.

Unfortunately every single person I have ever known has used me and dumped me (apart from my husband) and I think what Pella said is very very true for me now, the slightest bit of attention and I obsess over it in a "Ooooh maybe they want to be friends" etc. I get too attached too fast, desperately hoping that I might make a friend so when yet again they stop speaking to me it's another harsh blow and I get ever so slightly more skeptical about people. Right now if someone started being friendly towards me I'd still have that initial rush of "yay they want to be friends" but then that little voice would soon turn to "no they don't they are an asshole like every other person you've ever thought that about and as soon as they have whatever it is they want from you they will stop speaking to you"

The only person who has ever proven that little voice wrong is my husband, even after we were engaged I wondered if it was some elaborate joke, that he'd dump me and laugh at me for believing all the things he said. Even after I moved in with him I had this little voice warning me that at any moment he was going to use/abuse/leave me like everyone else, it took a long time for me to get past that and realise he was genuine and wasn't like everyone else.

 

[Ylva]

I estimate that my sensory impressions are about 6% more intense than those of an average neurotypical, so it makes sense if my emotional responses are about that much more intense as well. They occur in the same nervous system, after all.

 

[nowwhat]

Oh yes. I'll raise my hand on this one. It's embarrassing at at times, but better than feeling nothing for anyone, which is what I usually do to all those who pigeonhole, overlook, write-off, discard, etc. etc. me and people like me. But, yeah, sometimes I'm very ashamed of my inappropriate feelings along the lines of what you described.

 

[nowwhat]

This is very true, I've had what I thought were friends but every last one of them was using me for one thing or another...free website & design/business advice, free babysitter/ride/someone to hang out with until I can get the hell away from this town and back to my real friends.

Unfortunately every single person I have ever known has used me and dumped me (apart from my husband) and I think what Pella said is very very true for me now, the slightest bit of attention and I obsess over it in a "Ooooh maybe they want to be friends" etc. I get too attached too fast, desperately hoping that I might make a friend so when yet again they stop speaking to me it's another harsh blow and I get ever so slightly more skeptical about people. Right now if someone started being friendly towards me I'd still have that initial rush of "yay they want to be friends" but then that little voice would soon turn to "no they don't they are an asshole like every other person you've ever thought that about and as soon as they have whatever it is they want from you they will stop speaking to you"

The only person who has ever proven that little voice wrong is my husband, even after we were engaged I wondered if it was some elaborate joke, that he'd dump me and laugh at me for believing all the things he said. Even after I moved in with him I had this little voice warning me that at any moment he was going to use/abuse/leave me like everyone else, it took a long time for me to get past that and realise he was genuine and wasn't like everyone else.

I think your little voice is moonlighting as my little voice. I'm very happy for you that you've found someone loyal and loving.