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Love of my life has Autism

Also he’s flipped the switch on his feelings? Is he able to do this? Logic says yes. But he is clearly grieving me . Like I’ve died.
 
Marianne 777 said:
Also he’s flipped the switch on his feelings? Is he able to do this? Logic says yes. But he is clearly grieving me . Like I’ve died.
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It’s dependent on the level of maturity he has I just do not know him so I can’t tell you that we feel things very intensely He’s probably in shock ,that’s why he will seem markedly different to you ,I don’t know exactly !!!what’s brought him to shock! he’s obviously displaying severe anxiety but why I don’t know do you know anybody that knows him prior to when you met him !that isn’t part of his family ,they will probably not want to discuss it ,being Anglo-Saxon that’s how we cope , you have no idea how long it’s taken for me to talk like this to anybody apart from my mother and she’s been dead 19 years! so extrapolate from that, he probably has the same problem !
 
Yes he’s an unhealthy attachment to his mum she’s codependent. But now I understand why. The shock is he left and he thought he would be fine. But because he did have strong feelings it shocked him. He’s told me it’s the hardest thing he’s ever experienced and that he’s grieving me . But he can’t go through this again?
 
I can’t talk to anyone they have left me in the cold . He’s not the same person he was years ago. When I met him he seemed depressed and lonely I built him really high we had a lovely life. Then the family came between us when we got engaged. Possibly because he was keeping secrets. Anyway we split up and he looks and acts like a scruffy hermit on drink and it’s breaking my heart.
 
Marianne 777 said:
Yes he’s an unhealthy attachment to his mum she’s codependent. But now I understand why. The shock is he left and he thought he would be fine. But because he did have strong feelings it shocked him. He’s told me it’s the hardest thing he’s ever experienced and that he’s grieving me . But he can’t go through this again?
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it may be a shock to him because he probably didn’t envision ever having that type of relationship.
I wish I could tell him what I know now ,he’s still got his mother and his family, it’s going to be a big shock when she’s not around anymore! I don’t honestly think I’ve changed ,I think I survived .
 
Streetwise said:
it may be a shock to him because he probably didn’t envision ever having that type of relationship.
I wish I could tell him what I know now ,he’s still got his mother and his family, it’s going to be a big shock when she’s not around anymore! I don’t honestly think I’ve changed ,I think I survived .
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How can I support him? Thank you
 
Marianne 777 said:
How can I support him? Thank you
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try to communicate in the way a friend would, I have a good acquaintance !but I can’t really be friends with people, I just don’t really have that ability ,all I’m ever really looking for is a mother ,I just don’t think I’ll be able to do any more than that.
 
Streetwise said:
try to communicate in the way a friend would, I have a good acquaintance !but I can’t really be friends with people, I just don’t really have that ability ,all I’m ever really looking for is a mother ,I just don’t think I’ll be able to do any more than that.
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Yes I feel like his mum sometimes I will try thank you.
 
Streetwise said:
which area of the UK are you from and which area is he from it would make a difference some communities are very supportive some communities aren’t very supportive .
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We are from the same area near Manchester. In the hills . I agree he wouldn’t get support . Village life. Everyone is odd here so he doesn’t stand out. All farmers. But if he was to attach a label he would be ridiculed. Horrible little place really. I’m 9 years older. Been through a tough life. Travelled a lot so I’m extremely understanding nothing phases me. I like to work problems out. He says let’s be friends but I can’t promise it will lead to anything.
 
Marianne 777 said:
We are from the same area near Manchester. In the hills . I agree he wouldn’t get support . Village life. Everyone is odd here so he doesn’t stand out. All farmers. But if he was to attach a label he would be ridiculed. Horrible little place really. I’m 9 years older. Been through a tough life. Travelled a lot so I’m extremely understanding nothing phases me. I like to work problems out. He says let’s be friends but I can’t promise it will lead to anything.
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One thing I’m still learning is !that it takes me a long time to learn anything !and I mean a long time !now I have a label for it ( autism )and I don’t like labels !i’ll have to keep researching see if it will give me an epiphany !If I do anything for a large part of the time it’s because I’ve been coerced ,if I can’t be coerced I don’t do it.
 
Streetwise said:
One thing I’m still learning is !that it takes me a long time to learn anything !and I mean a long time !now I have a label for it ( autism )and I don’t like labels !i’ll have to keep researching see if it will give me an epiphany !If I do anything for a large part of the time it’s because I’ve been coerced ,if I can’t be coerced I don’t do it.
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Thank you that’s really helped.
 
Marianne 777 said:
Should I drag him home then? If he won’t do it voluntarily when I know he regrets leaving? X
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Depends on at this very present time what he associates with security and not security, I don’t know that! make sure he understands your boundaries .
 
Also he’s gone blunt distant and not as loving with his messages but in the flesh he’s gone more affectionate. Do you think he’s taken his mask of to show his true self? The show must have been exhausting
 
Marianne 777 said:
Also he’s gone blunt distant and not as loving with his messages but in the flesh he’s gone more affectionate. Do you think he’s taken his mask of to show his true self? The show must have been exhausting
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I just don’t know I’m not with you
 
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