Looking for relationships in a pandemic world.

[Metalhead]

Let's face it - this is a difficult time to try to find a relationship even without the Asperger syndrome diagnosis I live with. Going to social meetups just isn't happening when they are shut down currently due to some Delta variant, or something like that. I am not looking for the intimate relationship up front, but I do want to get out, mingle and see what happens from there.

Even the 12-step meetings (which are NOT good places to look for intimate relationships) are all telephone or Zoom these days, and it just is not the same as it used to be.

Meh, I guess the best thing I can do about this is to wait it out along with everybody else in the world. I do want to get back to hosting dinner parties at my place, though. And I do want to get back to gathering with a group of friends to see a movie at the cinema like I used to do. Not to mention the after dinner gatherings at a local restaurant (even if now I will not even bother looking at the beer list).

 

[Jordy]

Even the 12-step meetings (which are NOT good places to look for intimate relationships) are all telephone or Zoom these days, and it just is not the same as it used to be.

For some people there are no good places to look for intimate relationships.

 

[Metalhead]

For some people there are no good places to look for intimate relationships.

For some people, intimate relationships should never be a thing, that is very true. Narcissistic sociopaths need not apply.

 

[Jordy]

For some people, intimate relationships should never be a thing, that is very true. Narcissistic sociopaths need not apply.

That's not really what i meant but sure.

 

[Thinx]

Could you host a garden party? Or join in an outdoor events or group? Or are they all off at present too? In UK we're allegedly getting back to normal, but with a lot not wearing masks on transport etc the infection rates are going up. It's not over yet, unfortunately. Though a lot better, with most vaccinated. I think cinemas are open here. But I won't be going yet. Unless it's an outdoor screening. So there's no candidates at work then?

 

[Metalhead]

Could you host a garden party? Or join in an outdoor events or group? Or are they all off at present too? In UK we're allegedly getting back to normal, but with a lot not wearing masks on transport etc the infection rates are going up. It's not over yet, unfortunately. Though a lot better, with most vaccinated. I think cinemas are open here. But I won't be going yet. Unless it's an outdoor screening. So there's no candidates at work then?

I suppose there are outdoor events here and there, not so much now that fall is happening and it is lots of rain, but there always is next summer.

 

[Suzette]

Hang in there @KagamineLen, the pandemic panic will subside eventually. During the first lockdown we had a few "bubble buddies". These were friends that could be relied upon to act responsibly. We got together for socially distanced dinners and it helped keep us all a little sane. Do you have a few friends like that? Even one can be a help if you like to socialize.

 

[Aspychata]

Yes. Sadly, l lost my intimate relationship. He choose not to commit any more then the very minimum. I believe he was on the spectrum. I guess l wised up. You can't make butter out of sour milk.

But it feels nice to be free. I was very committed for almost 4 years. Now it's all about me now. But there was someone waiting right behind him to commit to me. Lol

 

[Aspychata]

Dating on the spectrum. Omgosh. The communication is tough. Espcially if you both are on the spectrum. It's like two walls dating each other. Lol

 

[Thinx]

Dating on the spectrum. Omgosh. The communication is tough. Espcially if you both are on the spectrum. It's like two walls dating each other. Lol

At least most of the time we don't know how much we misunderstood. That's a blessing of sorts...

 

[paloftoon]

What I'd suggest to build up a relationship is do a few to some activities online 1-1 with a person first. It's good to chat about what are your proclivities and your potential partner's proclivities for the pandemic situation.

Everyone's situation and feelings are different. If one believes in the vaccine and is vaccinated, one might be okay with meeting others (somewhat) more freely. Maybe one is one of the few who are not eligible to be vaccinated. Maybe one doesn't believe in the vaccine but wants to stay away from everyone. A discussion worth having. One thing that helps me is that being vaccinated personally, I'm more open to meeting people. I make an effort to wear masks and try to avoid crowds, but don't fuss about it too much if I forget here and there etc.

The pandemic really tests our social disciplines and tolerances.
One thing you can consider is that with you and a potential partner, you're both willing to share with each other what you have both done in the last two weeks (where did you go and why. What precautions were attempted etc). If you feel you get to that point with someone, I'd request them and trust them to be exclusive to you. Any quality relationship will need quality trust and communication.

Everyone's living situation is different too. Some live with their families or roommates and some live on their own. Something to consider as well.

 

[Aspychata]

At least most of the time we don't know how much we misunderstood. That's a blessing of sorts...

The beautiful thing about this? I started standing up and speaking about what l wanted. (Operative word *want*). Sometimes my wants don't coincide with the other person's wants. But l have improved my communication skills. And walls can love each other. Lol

 

[Aspychata]

At least most of the time we don't know how much we misunderstood. That's a blessing of sorts...

The beautiful thing about this? I started standing up and speaking about what l wanted. (Operative word *want*). Sometimes my wants don't coincide with the other person's wants. But l have improved my communication skills. And walls can love each other. Lol

 

[dhl02]

Dating on the spectrum. Omgosh. The communication is tough. Espcially if you both are on the spectrum. It's like two walls dating each other. Lol

I probably broke up with someone who I was very compatible with because of this.
When my ex and I first started dating, we talked about how important communicating was but this was lost over time.
Really unfortunate. I broke her heart, feel terrible to this day even though it's been 5 years.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

Yes. Sadly, l lost my intimate relationship. He choose not to commit any more then the very minimum. I believe he was on the spectrum. I guess l wised up. You can't make butter out of sour milk.

But it feels nice to be free. I was very committed for almost 4 years. Now it's all about me now. But there was someone waiting right behind him to commit to me. Lol

i cannot imagine that being me...ever.then again,my appearance to women upon eye-contact is so messed up,they end up both walking away from me & keep their distance while i do both of the same,because of it.since then,i hated women like that ,along with blaming them for the single-life suffering of male aspies everywhere ,along with giving those women looks,different from the ones they give me upon eye-contact,based on them acting like they`re interested when they`re not...ever.

 

[Thinx]

i cannot imagine that being me...ever.then again,my appearance to women upon eye-contact is so messed up,they end up both walking away from me & keep their distance while i do both of the same,because of it.since then,i hated women like that ,along with blaming them for the single-life suffering of male aspies everywhere ,along with giving those women looks,different from the ones they give me upon eye-contact,based on them acting like they`re interested when they`re not...ever.

Hi @jared mills , sorry to hear how this has been for you. It sounds really difficult. But I am not sure what you mean about hating some women? Can you explain more? You seemed to say you blamed them for the single life of Aspie men? But quite a lot of Aspie men are not single. Plus, I'm not sure how it is these women's fault if some Aspies are single? I totally get that you are stressed about this, and am trying to help by working out what you mean, so maybe you can say more about this? Do you mean, it's hard not to feel upset about being single?

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

Hi @jared mills , sorry to hear how this has been for you. It sounds really difficult. But I am not sure what you mean about hating some women? Can you explain more? You seemed to say you blamed them for the single life of Aspie men? But quite a lot of Aspie men are not single. Plus, I'm not sure how it is these women's fault if some Aspies are single? I totally get that you are stressed about this, and am trying to help by working out what you mean, so maybe you can say more about this? Do you mean, it's hard not to feel upset about being single?

what i mean about hating some women is the women who walk away from me upon eye-contact,they`re also the same women who are blamed by me for the single life of every Aspie men .

 

[Jordy]

what i mean about hating some women is the women who walk away from me upon eye-contact,they`re also the same women who are blamed by me for the single life of every Aspie men .

Those woman didn't cause your or mine autism.

 

[Thinx]

I think that for many of us, not making much eye contact or not making eye contact the same as an NT does seem to upset or confuse some people. @jared mills , this happens to many of us on the spectrum, not only to males, and not only by females. I'm sad that this happens to you, and it sounds like it has made you feel unconfident about yourself. I hope you have some friends and support? It's good that you are here and talking about this.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

what i mean about hating some women is the women who walk away from me upon eye-contact,they`re also the same women who are blamed by me for the single life of every Aspie men .

I like being single Mr. Mills. I do. It's easier mostly. Women always want to talk all the time, about everything, and appearances mattered more to the women I knew.

They ripped me off. Then they left. Somehow it was still my fault. The food game was super fun too.

So she spends five totally unnecessary hours preparing a single meal for two. It's a big deal. Then you have to eat it and tell her how special it is. And thank her for going to all the trouble. And then you get sick from the food, but it's still not her fault.

That's the fun part, see half the reason she needs to go shopping for supplies twice a freakin week is so she can get cash back on the grocery bill. Cash back doesnt show up on a bank statement. Then the only predictable expense you have ever had(grocery bill) skyrockets and bounces all over the place. Then you get to thank the person who made you sick and stole your money again. But you dont get to have the simple food that you actually like, that you can make for yourself, that makes you feel well, unless you make enough to share. She wont like it, trust me, but you will get to talk about it all again, several times.

If you dont talk enough, like because you are breathing, then she will ask you "what's wrong?" If you say that nothing is wrong then you are shutting her out. This means basically that she thinks you should be more open and honest about emotions you do not have.

If you convince her that you really are totally ok(good luck) then she got what she wanted anyways which was to force you to communicate, again. She likely will not believe you that you are actually ok though, because she can read body language, she learned how from watching a tv show when you were at work, and reading a magazine article about it at the grocery store where she went to RIP you off again.

Pull in the antenna a bit, ok? Just try to learn to ignore the other folks you see. Here's how to actually get laid and stay sane.

Make friends who share your interests. Tough one I know. Then your friends set you up on dates. Sounds too simple I guess. Groups are more fun anyways, just in general. Truth is you cannot read anyone's mind and women who wear makeup and fancy clothes totally suck at lovemaking. They do. Farm girls are way more fun. Dirty fingernails and freckles!

Anyways sunnyside up? Turn that frown upside down? Single is safe and easy