• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

looking for any help and guidance

T

Tanyax

Well-Known Member
Hello. I have only just found out in the last few days what is wrong with me. I am 41 years old. A mother of two beautiful girls and struggled all my life with relationships and friendships and even motherhood. I am pretty much going through this alone right now and the repercussions of what ever this condition I have has impacted every part of my life and destroyed so very much in so many ways.

I have no one to talk to and was really hoping someone could help me understand it. Understand what it is going to mean to me. Help me make sense if it. Help me to help my children make sense of it and be with me on this journey. I have very little faith in the medical professionals and to be very honest, I’m scared. I need advice and more importantly, I need some hope. Can anyone help me?

This is brand new to me and at 41 I feel a little stupid that it took so long to find out. I was shocked, confuse, upset and floored when I finally found out what was wrong with me but then I felt lighter for a time. Everything really did make sense but now, with having no one to talk to, I don’t know how to move forward and try and rebuild my life without some help. If anyone can help me I would be so very grateful. Thank you xx
 
Hi Tanyax :)

welcome to af.png
 
Hello. Can you help me? At all? This is very hard and very new and I need some help please to understand it and move forward. I have children. I gave to be able to function. Any advice would mean the world to me
 
I’m sorry, I forgot to say I have Aspergers and I also apologise for the spelling mistakes. I have a university degree so am quite intelligent! But I can’t even work at the minute and haven’t for a good few years. My life has fallen apart due to depression but strangely it has lifted in the last few months after about 7 years of it being chronic. I’m not sure why but it has coincided shortly after with me finally knowing my condition.

I really am in a state of shock and I have never been in a forum in my life but I need people who know what they are talking about to try and help me fill in the blanks.

I’m sorry, it sounds pathetic but I’m desperate. I need answers and support. I’m sick of living this life and I need to move forward. Now I know what it is, finally, I need support so I can be the mother I need to be and it’s very hard when I have lost all my family. I just really hope you lovely people can help navigate me through this. Thank you x
 
Welcome!!

You are in very good company, both here and in general, because there are many people on the autism spectrum with similar experiences of a disjointed and confusing life, discovering their diagnosis after many years, and through it, finding why they have struggled and never seemed to fit in.

Many also have children, some of whom are also on the spectrum.

The reality is that regardless of how new it is to discover what it is that has in essence controlled your life all this time, knowing does not change you one tiny bit. A diagnosis just puts a label on what you have always been, and in doing so doesn't alter anything - except that it provides an opportunity to better understand yourself, and better focus on your strengths rather than be constantly defined by your weaknesses.

There are many of us here who will undoubtedly be happy to help answer questions, offer coping skills, explain life strategies - observably in the time I have been a member here, I've found some amazing people, also on the spectrum, with a wealth of insights and observations to offer.

One thing for sure, to have got to 41 years of age, with two children to take care of, you must have got a whole lot more right than wrong so far. Maybe that's a better point from which to start trying to understand yourself than the fear of the unknown.
 
Tanyax said:
Hello. Can you help me? At all? This is very hard and very new and I need some help please to understand it and move forward. I have children. I gave to be able to function. Any advice would mean the world to me
Click to expand...
Give the members some time to weigh in on this and respond.
This is a very good community you have found with plenty of knowledge and a huge database that is archived here.

I'm sure you will find many of the answers you are looking for
 
Hi @Tanyax . It's not so strange that learning that you're an aspie has helped with your depression, it could be rather directly linked. Hopefully as you learn more about it you'll become even happier.

As @AO1501 said, the diagnosis doesn't change you, the important thing that changes is your access to information about yourself, the opportunity for learning effective ways of coping, the ability to find a community of people with similar problems. You've just done this last one, and it's always nice to see. Welcome.

You don't sound at all pathetic or desperate, at least no more desperate than most of us have been. You can feel comfortable here, I'm sure. I'm 50 and found out less than two years ago. Many of us have found out later in life than you, but there are some teenagers on here too.

By discussing your experience with us you will be helping us too. We're all learning here. Don't think of yourself as a traveller who is begging for a place to stay and a meal. Think of yourself as a person who has just joined a community on a frontier, your new home, and each new member makes the whole community that much stronger.

If I may be so presumptuous, I thank you for joining... and staying.
 
I found out when I was 41 as well and I also have two children. You have finally come into knowledge of an aspect of yourself that was hidden until now. Rest assured that you are not dysfunctional or 'wrong' in any way! I hope that you accept and love yourself unconditionally as you are. We are all here for you!:)
 
Thank you so very much. I’m crying here. You’re words mean the absolute world to me. I’m of the type this is overly emotional clearly. This is hugely overwhelming but for once in a good way. It might sound stupid but I can’t believe someone out there is listening to me and not judging me or getting annoyed with me.
Nitro said:
Give the members some time to weigh in on this and respond.
This is a very good community you have found with plenty of knowledge and a huge database that is archived here.

I'm sure you will find many of the answers you are looking for
Click to expand...
 
Tanyax said:
Thank you so very much. I’m crying here. You’re words mean the absolute world to me. I’m of the type this is overly emotional clearly. This is hugely overwhelming but for once in a good way. It might sound stupid but I can’t believe someone out there is listening to me and not judging me or getting annoyed with me.
Click to expand...
Get used to it, we have a ton of good people here who are willing to both share and help each other ;)
 
Thank you so very much. I’m crying here. You’re words mean the absolute world to me. I’m of the type that is overly emotional clearly. This is hugely overwhelming but for once in a good way.

It might sound stupid but I can’t believe someone out there is listening to me and not judging me or getting annoyed with me. I’m so very glad I did this. You’re responses have been way more invaluable than I ever hoped for. Your words are impeccable im getting to the core of whatever this thing is. It’s not what I expected at all.

I don’t do forums but then again I don’t do Aspergers either and I’m surprised at both. I thank you from the bottom of my heart because even though I’m crying, I’m feeling love and hope and honestly, I don’t know what, i think maybe an opening of a door. I don’t dont what’s inside but I know I have to go through it and yes I’m scared but I don’t have a choice anymore and you guys are the only ones I can go through it with. That’s the only reason I’m here. I have no one else and I can’t do it alone.

So thank you. Whoever you are. I sincerely thank you x
 
midlife aspie said:
I found out when I was 41 as well and I also have two children. You have finally come into knowledge of an aspect of yourself that was hidden until now. Rest assured that you are not dysfunctional or 'wrong' in any way! I hope that you accept and love yourself unconditionally as you are. We are all here for you!:)
Click to expand...
I’m no where near the point where I can do any of that right now. I would very much like to talk to you personally as you are my age and have 2 children and perhaps you could help me a little? This is literally brand new to me so anything would help. Could you maybe tell me a little more about your story? How do I tell my kids? How do I stop myself from annoying them? How can I stop from being so emotional it makes them uncomfortable and want me to shut up? How can I be the Mum they need me to be? And on top of all of this, I’m nearly positive that my eldest daughter, 13 has it too? How do I do that? I can barely cope and come to terms with me but I have to somehow deal with the fact that my daughter has it too and I have no support so have to deal with that alone too and am sure that no one will believe me let alone support me and my daughter is angry and moody and has no respect for me, she’ll hate me even more and even when the time comes to deal with it I don’t think she would ever come to whatever help there might be. I’m getting ahead of myself. I think I have up go first but I know deep down that she is going to have to follow so I feel so much pressure to do it right so when she goes, it’s easier. And then the guilt. She’s got it from me. Anyway. I thank you and any help and support means the absolute world to me. You guys are amazing and I’m so very very grateful x I repeat again, I have no one so this is colossal to me
 
I assume you live in the UK? The first thing I would advise is to take it slow and look for ways to relax. You will likely be on a roller coaster that emotionally resembles the stages of grief. Do you have an intimate partner? If so, this will be experienced by both of you. The next thing I would advise is to seek counseling with a therapist familiar with adult ASD and get your daughter screened as soon as possible. I cannot stress the importance of self love enough. I would refrain from discussing ASD with employers if possible, and anyone else not familiar with the condition and its manifestations for the immediate present. Posting here was a fine first step and I applaud you for it. Do feel free to PM me.
 
It can be very difficult to be different. I'm sure you're aware of situations in history where people were killed because they were different, and we're still making that history. It's more common for people to experience discrimination in a less dramatic way, still traumatic and based on fairly obvious differences. With aspies it's sometimes hard to know what is going on, and when you yourself are unaware of the label it's hard to realize that you're being discriminated against because you're different. But it happens.

Different is difficult, but it's not wrong. Being an aspie doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. You have not done anything wrong to your daughter. Whatever colour your skin is, it's not 'the wrong colour', but there will be places you might not be so welcome in... but the fault does not lie with you. Being an aspie can often make it more difficult to fit in, but not because there's something wrong with you, because there is a lack of understanding. It's possible that some of that lack is in you, but you are trying to fix that, it's nothing to feel badly about. It's possible that some of that lack is in others, and sometimes you can change that a bit, or a lot, or not at all, you must learn to pick your battles wisely.

There are good things about being an aspie. I really think that the world would be a better place if most people were aspies, life definitely wouldn't be so difficult for us socially. We tend to be better problem solvers than most, we're over represented in many sciences and in engineering. Art. Things would work differently if there were more of us, you've been living in a society designed for people different from you and I - the problem is one of compatibility, the problem is not within you.

You're on the right path here, you're doing fine.
 
Tanya, Aspies don't have much apathy yet I feel what you feel because I'm living with aspies like you. A non-aspie will never know what it's like. The depression, the rejection, the guilt of not being lke others, the guilt of not being able to socialize our kids properly, etc. Heck, I haven't had an adult guest at my house in more than 18 years.

I don't have any advice to offer that will pop you out of what you feel. I can only say, that you're not alone. I hope that it helps knowing you're in the company of others like yourself.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom