Looking for advice: how can I not let my emotions be so visible to everyone?

[Leigh Edgewood]

Hi, I'm new here and joined bc i dont have anyone to talk to, especially about aspie stuff. I have been struggling so much with monitering how my emotions are portrayed to everyone around me, and it makes it impossible to make and keep friends.

Today, one of my best friends told me i am an "energy siphon." Basically this means that i am too much to be around for too long as i wear people out .This makes me very sad because i just want to make people feel good when they are around me and talk to me, not drained and worn out!

I myself am so worn out by trying not to talk too much, too fast, or too deep about a subject because i think that's why people don't particularly like talking to me. Everyone can see my emotions so easily, at least they think they can but the expression of my emotions isnt always an accurate reflection of what im actually feeling or how i make sense of it, and as a result no one takes me seriously if i try to talk about how i feel, bc they think they know how I always feel bc it seems to them I'm so readable when actually i really need emotional validation and support.

I feel so stressed out because i just need to be supported as well as support my friends, but it always ends up in failure... If anyone has any advice on how to handle this it would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[Major Tom]

Hi! Welcome People misinterpret my emotions all the time, especially my wife. I think it has something to do with my facial expressions.

 

[Fino]

Are these casual or close friends?

With close friends, hopefully you could simply tell them something like what you're telling us.

With casual friends, I, personally, don't mind if they misunderstand. It's fun sometimes! I'm often perceived as care-free, very healthy, calm, and happy pretty much all the time. Yet. I have AS, ADHD, and BPD? How confusing!

 

[Suzanne]

I also spent my life feeling the same way. I have always wanted people to feel comfortable around me and so, held my self in, because I felt sure showing my true self would be too much to handle, as I have been told that I can be overly excitable.

When I saw a therapist to help diagnose me, she said that her heart goes out to me, that I have had to reign myself in for all these years and it IS tiring and I can't do it anymore!

It is liking walking through darkness, knowing there are obstacles in front of you, but you can't see them, so you have to tread very slowly, using your hands as guides.

 

[Ginseng]

Welcome to the forum! You came to the right place. Maybe this article might help you? Do you fit this criteria? I know I do.
21 Signs That You're a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

 

[Mia]

Today, one of my best friends told me i am an "energy siphon." Basically this means that i am too much to be around for too long as i wear people out .This makes me very sad because i just want to make people feel good when they are around me and talk to me, not drained and worn out!

That can be a problem with friends. One of the things I've learned over the years is how to really listen to others. To ask questions, to be interested in what people have to say so I can learn things from them. And to leave my ego out of the conversation. It's difficult, but people do want to be listened to. It's a kind of give and take, they talk, you listen.

It's difficult to know when it's your turn to talk. And it doesn't happen all the time, sometimes people have problems or ideas that they want to discuss and you listen, without commenting. At other times they ask for your opinion, but I've found over time that most people only want to be listened to, and their ideas validated. Even if you don't agree with their ideas you can still 'echo' them back and then contribute your own in a concise way. It's a technique, that is part of empathizing with others that can be learned.

 

[some/aspies/need/hugs/13]

Hi welcome to the forums I learned that really and truly, real friends will take the real you and be inspired by it and open up more to you, some people would misread me sometimes because I don't always look like I'm joking when I am joking.

 

[Leigh Edgewood]

I also spent my life feeling the same way. I have always wanted people to feel comfortable around me and so, held my self in, because I felt sure showing my true self would be too much to handle, as I have been told that I can be overly excitable.

When I saw a therapist to help diagnose me, she said that her heart goes out to me, that I have had to reign myself in for all these years and it IS tiring and I can't do it anymore!

It is liking walking through darkness, knowing there are obstacles in front of you, but you can't see them, so you have to tread very slowly, using your hands as guides.

Thank you for this i relate so much to being told i am overly excitable. People say i talk so fast and its hard to keep up... Do you have any suggestions on how to slow down? its really hard for me to portray myself as an in between state, i seem to be either on or off. When i try to slow down i either stay silent bc I'm uncomfortable in the situation bc i feel as if ive bothered someone or im comfortable with someone and am myself until something in their reaction shuts me down to the silent mode again. People can tell if im upset while im in the silent mode and it makes it even more awkard. They usually press me about why im silent which i am afriad to tell them why bc when i have in the past people defend themselves and make me feel ridiculous for being upset almost guilty even. Everyone seems to be wearing a mask of who they want the world to believe them to be and often they themselves believe it or try so hard to seem like they do, and i get criticized for my emotions that i cant hide.

 

[Leigh Edgewood]

Thank you this is helpful, i definitely need to learn how to listen better, it would be nice if people would talk more so i didn't feel like i needed to fill the silence. I think im good at letting others talk I just dont think they feel like i am interested or have any valuable input. Learning how to listen in the right way is so tricky! Its also tricky when it is my turn to talk, how to gauge if im going at it too much in a way that is unpleasant for the other person. Do you have any suggestions on how to handle oneself when it's their then to talk? Im trying to figure out how to tell when im talking too much or too intensely about something.

That can be a problem with friends. One of the things I've learned over the years is how to really listen to others. To ask questions, to be interested in what people have to say so I can learn things from them. And to leave my ego out of the conversation. It's difficult, but people do want to be listened to. It's a kind of give and take, they talk, you listen.

It's difficult to know when it's your turn to talk. And it doesn't happen all the time, sometimes people have problems or ideas that they want to discuss and you listen, without commenting. At other times they ask for your opinion, but I've found over time that most people only want to be listened to, and their ideas validated. Even if you don't agree with their ideas you can still 'echo' them back and then contribute your own in a concise way. It's a technique, that is part of empathizing with others that can be learned.

 

[Mia]

Do you have any suggestions on how to handle oneself when it's their then to talk? Im trying to figure out how to tell when im talking too much or too intensely about something.

Watch their faces and their body language. If they turn their head away, for example or look away then it might be time to slow down and wait to see what they have to say. If they fold their arms or cross their legs away from you, that's also a clue that they've listened enough. You could then, ask them a question related to what you were saying.

 

[Nitro]

Hi Leigh

 

[Clueless in Canada]

Hi Leigh, you will find lots of support here and ideas which may help you on your path. Just finding others with similar experiences helps! I don't have anything useful to add that hasn't already been said but I can say that I relate to feeling my emotions are misunderstood by others. It doesn't help though that I often can't figure them out myself either.