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Loneliness

ImAnAspie said:
Care of the soul is the most important, even if that means you have to go without people, which most often, it does!
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My comment was in reference to my above quoted statement.
I didn't want people mistaking what I said as religious!
 
Wow. I think you may need to cut down on the caffeine ImAnAspie :p

In the context of the OP, solitude may not be the option he is looking for, given he is posting about loneliness.

We as aspies or otherwise on the autism spectrum are often well aware of how much we enjoy our alone time, and how valuable and essential it is to our sanity. Though I am not particularly one of them, I know there are plenty of aspies/AS people who have a desire for company and friendships and the like, and this desire should certainly not be discouraged.

It is fantastic that you embrace and enjoy your solitude so readily, however this is not something that works for everyone, and certainly not all the time. Saying something loud or often will not convince people you are right :)
 
Thesaurusrex said:
Wow. I think you may need to cut down on the caffeine ImAnAspie :p

In the context of the OP, solitude may not be the option he is looking for
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It may not be what he's looking for but it may be what he needs.

We all need to discover ourselves before trying to find someone else (if it's going to work).

Self discovery is the best thing you can do before trying to connect with another. At least, then you know what you're dealing with.

I did a fully exhaustive, moral inventory of myself. I looked at myself from an external perspective and had a really honest look at myself. Some of it wasn't pretty. I can be selfish, lazy and some others but all in all, I didn't fair too badly. I'm a decent guy, I like me and I like my own company. I don't need anything else!

That's what I found out. I don't need anyone else.

Spend time to get to know yourself and that'll serve you for a lifetime. Not just to get a date. Get to know you before you endeavor to know someone else!
 
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The TRUE MEANING of LIFE is that HAPPINESS is subjective well-being, an INDIVIDUALLY REACTIVE STATE VARIABLE to circumstances

“You know I had troubles with depression in my early adulthood and I never really got it, I never really understood what was wrong; I didn't know what to do to fix it. Whereas when I was lonely, when my loneliness lasted I knew exactly what I needed and I needed more connection and I understood that if that increased connection came into my life my loneliness would go away. So there wasn't that sort of mysteriousness to it, I knew what I needed and it just wasn't there. And I think that's what is so frustrating about loneliness, is that you can picture and intuit and you are very acutely aware of what it is that you need but you just can't get it.”

— Emily White, 'All In The Mind' interview with Natasha Mitchell

ABC National Radio, Australia

Can you precisely describe exactly what sort of interaction is missing in your own life? Social engineering challenge: Could you tailor design your ideal social environments or circumstances?

Here's mine: convivial creativity
 
Vinca said:
Things that help me feel less lonely

-Doing activities that I enjoy that occupy my mind/thoughts
-Being involved with groups of people that have similar interests as me
-Prayer and bible study/reading - I'm a Christian and I find prayer/talking to God particularly helpful.
-Talking with people through forums
-Spengding time outdoors/around nature
-The website '7 cups of tea' has 'Free, anonymous, and confidential conversations with trained active listeners'. I've used it a couple of times a find it a helpful support when I'm feeling particulary lonely. It's possible to search for listeners that have aspergers as well.

Things that I avoid doing as they make me feel more lonely

Watching films with romance as a big part of the story

Things that I don't have first hand experience with to know if/how much thery help but have heard others say they are helpful

Having a pet animal.

---

Via a UK tv show, I've seen a dating agency that specialized in helping people with a variety of dufficulties (not sure if difficulties is the most appropriate word but I couldn't think of a better one) such as tourettes, autism/aspergers, dwarfism, albinism etc There may be an agency that covers your location that could help with finding a female.
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Eww God!
I enjoy being alone, I came to enjoy it when I realized the most fun I have is by myself. No one can ruin it. When I am alone I decide what to watch, what lights are on, whatever.
It's all me.
And I like that.

So perhaps you should try loving your own time alone vs trying to fill it with people.
 
The kind of loneliness I often wrestle with isn't tied to circumstance very much. Instead, it feels like a void in my mind, heart, and soul. I keep thinking of Adam in the Bible, before Eve was created. He had daily visits with God in paradise, no death or disease, animals of every sort for friends...but something was still missing. God knew this, so He purposely designed Eve in a way where both she and Adam would compliment each other, including but not limited to the physical. A lot of the time, that same "void of Adam" seems to be in my heart, but I don't want to treat women as objects. I was hurt very deeply once, and I'm scared to trust again...but I'm also desperate for healing and peace. Prayer works wonders, but there's still nights where I panic, wondering how this whole struggle will turn out. For those in here who believe Jesus is Lord, please pray for me; thanks.
 
KwiSpen said:
I have never had a girlfriend, but I've wanted one for the longest time. I've been on a dating site since July, and have only had one date, and none since October. I have been feeling very lonely as of late, as well as unfulfilled due to lackluster grades at college, but that's beside the point. Anyway, I am lonely now, likely due to the immense free time I have now, and no one to spend it with outside of my family. I long for a woman, and I don't know how to approach the situation. How do I get a woman as an aspie, and how do I shake this damned feeling of loneliness?
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Loneliness is awful. I have been going through it myself lately a lot. I live alone with my cat, have only one friend (whom I see maybe once per week), I work from home (Hence, no co-workers to interact with) and the last relationship I was in ended almost exactly one year ago.

I lay in bed at night and think about this and ruminate. I do not feel desperate yet I yearn for intimacy-- That does not necessarily mean sex; Sex is very nice but I do not hold it as the most important part of a relationship. Intimacy, to me, is holding hands, having breakfast together, laying on the bed together in the dark and listening to music, both of us silent.

Loneliness can be a killer. We were not designed to live this way. But, what are my chances of meeting a nice, Aspie girl?
 
Hi,
I was just wondering how old you are?? Have you tried emmersing yourself in social activities, for example sleepovers with friends or college work/life??
Aspiegirl
 
aspiegirl said:
Hi,
I was just wondering how old you are?? Have you tried emmersing yourself in social activities, for example sleepovers with friends or college work/life??
Aspiegirl
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Hi Aspiegirl,

I'm 43. No, I do not really engage in much social activity. I stay over at my one friend's house sometimes (She's my best friend, only friend and happens to be my ex-girlfriend-- Nothing romantic between us, we've been broken up about 4 years now.)

I am just trying to figure things out day-by-day but it can be difficult.

Thank-you for your reply :mouseface:
 
Awww well I am glad you and your ex are still close- it must have been a special relationship to have been able to survive a break up! Just live in the moment or day by day like you said. Someone I know once said that to gain a life of happiness you have to live in the present- not dwell on the past or luck to the future but be warned you can't have a life of meaning and happiness simultaneously.
 
aspiegirl said:
Awww well I am glad you and your ex are still close- it must have been a special relationship to have been able to survive a break up! Just live in the moment or day by day like you said. Someone I know once said that to gain a life of happiness you have to live in the present- not dwell on the past or luck to the future but be warned you can't have a life of meaning and happiness simultaneously.
Click to expand...

Thank you, aspiegirl.
 
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