Loneliness still affects me

[Mary Terry]

You could practice conversation.

Playing games that involve talking with people is one way to practice.

There are so many threads here that @Markness can participate in on a conversational level. This is a good place to practice how to converse.

@Markness - can you chose one thread per day, and post a response, a question, a suggestion or anything else to "keep the thread conversation" going? Interact with us!

 

[Judge]

I've never thought it hurts to "script" a potential conversation. Not to memorize lines per se, but simply to outline what I might say when there's something important to be said. Or to use in case the conversation goes quiet.

 

[lunarious]

We are responsible for Markness wellbeing, Society is, me personally just can't take care of everyone.

So at some point one grows and start doing things and helping.

 

[Xinyta]

I still struggle with thoughts of uncertainty and wondering if my life can or will get better. It doesn’t help that some plans I had for this year got scrapped. Social opportunities seem to diminish for me.

Uncertainty is a dangerous enemy of the mind. It has done harm to my evolution too. But the only way to defuse uncertain thoughts is to find the will to do it anyway. KNOW you have enough in you to at least try to do your best. One cannot determine success or failure, through a thought. Only our actions can determine that.

Though our thoughts can and will affect our actions. Uncertainty will create physical reactions that express that uncertainty.

"Is this as bad as I am making it?"

You don't know till you try.

---

Edit: I'd like to clarify that uncertainty isn't always a bad thing. If you are uncertain in situations that you know nothing about, that is understandable and not a bad thing.

But in the case of something, like talking with someone. We know what to do, even if it's a struggle. It's just a matter of finding the courage to tell yourself; "This is scary, but I want to try anyway."

 

[Markness]

My therapy appointment today didn’t go the way I hoped it would go.

 

[Markness]

Loneliness is a very serious issue when it comes to the state of a persons mental health. In extreme cases, loneliness can kill, i.e - self deletion.

I hope you find a way out of your persistent loneliness, Markness.

Thank you. I just wonder why I can’t seem to find a way out.

 

[cooljethro]

Thank you. I just wonder why I can’t seem to find a way out.

I don't know?

Only you can figure things out, truly, however long that may take.

 

[tree]

My therapy appointment today didn’t go the way I hoped it would go.

What were you hoping for?

 

[Markness]

What were you hoping for?

I was hoping for some more in-depth answers to my current struggles and I found it difficult to explain why to my therapist that even if my supervisor gives me time off, I won’t be able to attend San Japan. It’s possible my pass has been refunded or not depending on if the ticket website decides if the reason for me requesting a refund is covered or not. My friend has also ruled me out from going because he thinks I didn’t plan properly and my supervisor didn’t work with me fast enough.

 

[tree]

Answers?

I think when you hear an *answer* you reject it
after a trial or two because it didn't move you to
a perfect solution.

----------
What say so does the friend have regarding whether
or not you attend an event?

 

[Xinyta]

I was hoping for some more in-depth answers to my current struggles and I found it difficult to explain why to my therapist that even if my supervisor gives me time off, I won’t be able to attend San Japan. It’s possible my pass has been refunded or not depending on if the ticket website decides if the reason for me requesting a refund is covered or not. My friend has also ruled me out from going because he thinks I didn’t plan properly and my supervisor didn’t work with me fast enough.

There is no perfect answer.

There is only so much therapist can do. The large amount of the work has to come from you. The best you'll get, is suggestions. Not to say that you'll not get understanding. But no one will have the same exact struggles, to the t, that another person will have. They can be similar.

As far as the event. Life happens. People are people.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I know all too well about travel trips getting cancelled last minute and getting uninvited. I am so used to its second nature that I never bothered with a passport or a real ID, I never leave New York City.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Keeping the conversations going without awkward pauses, the other person checking out on me (Meaning they look away and don’t want to talk to me anymore.), and seeing if I can get a date with a woman.

All my siblings are married and have children. I feel doomed to being alone until I die. After 37 years and life not going my way, it feels more and more obvious.

yeah its no shock or no surprise that the majority of people who seek help in human social dynamics are mostly men

 

[Mary Terry]

yeah its no shock or no surprise that the majority of people who seek help in human social dynamics are mostly men

Please post a link to the source of your information.

 

[lunarious]

@Markness tonight i played with the thought of "embracing Pain".

Primarily in [prostrating and Praying]. And cutting off coffee.

When i'll cut off coffee i'll experience dis-comfort. I'll try to embrace or/and accomodate that.

 

[Wizardry]

Do you think therapy actually helps you at all? My personal experience with therapy is that it's not useful for helping with dating and social struggles. Most therapists don't have the kind of lived experience we do to understand what the struggles are or how painful the loneliness is. The psychology industry works under the false assumption that all depression is caused by deficient serotonin production, where I'd argue that in cases like ours, it's actually our oxytocin that is deficient.

Most people get to experience having someone to cuddle, kiss, have sex with and all the rest of it. They're getting their oxytocin needs taken care of, so they take it for granted. They can't imagine what it would be like to go without that for several years, or perhaps, forever.

If you're anything like me, your issues are social as well as emotional. You weren't able to develop the social and dating skills necessary to have dating success, which is the real reason you can't even get a coffee date. On top of that, years of struggling with loneliness have probably dulled your ability to enjoy anything and everything (anhedonia), which further makes it difficult to relate to other people and negatively affects your motivation to do things.

I don't think your situation or mine are completely hopeless, but you will need to invest in learning the social and dating skills you're currently lacking. I can recommend a dating coach who I've kept my eye on and believe in, but you'll probably need to save up some money before you'll be able to afford to invest in their program. They teach frameworks about getting dates, reliant mainly on cold approach. Their content is good. Here's a link to their free YouTube content Social Freedom

Another thing I'd recommend is seeing a cuddle therapist instead of your regular therapist (if you can't see any benefits from your regular therapist). A cuddle therapist will give you the physical intimacy you need to increase your oxytocin production whilst also being a confidant who you can talk about your struggles with. I just recently started seeing my cuddle therapist again and have found it more helpful than I ever found seeing psychologists.

Another post you've made talks about your past determining your future. It doesn't have to, but it likely will unless you make the right changes. I'm someone who knows what you're going through more than most, so I hope that lends more credibility to my advice.

 

[tree]

The Solution to the Loneliness Epidemic Might be Cuddle Therapy

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I doubt Medicare Medicaid would cover a cuddle therapist and my so-called female friends won't even let me sit next to them or walk two blocks with them alone okay three maybe four never asked her, but I can have easy conversation with her, she might be on the spectrum we talk on the same frequency, okay will one invited me too her house once knew her 6 years and the other spent the day with me at the time knew her 2 years now 3 years both when I had a major meltdown, but that was a rare occurrence.

The rest I have a better chance of winning the lottery then getting a solo walk or sit with them, I just get the brush off sit with the guys men talk.

 

[lunarious]

I doubt Medicare Medicaid would cover a cuddle therapist and my so-called female friends won't even let me sit next to them or walk two blocks with them alone okay three maybe four never asked her, but I can have easy conversation with her, she might be on the spectrum we talk on the same frequency, okay will one invited me too her house once knew her 6 years and the other spent the day with me at the time knew her 2 years now 3 years both when I had a major meltdown, but that was a rare occurrence.

The rest I have a better chance of winning the lottery then getting a solo walk or sit with them, I just get the brush off sit with the guys men talk.

You can't get help by other men to get in a female. A female needs a gift to mate with you.

I'm not Neurotypical, but I wonder why you sound like .. desperate? Females don't want weak men.

Having a strong attitude helps. Some say "Fake it until you make it". Brothers will help you with that. I recommend going to a Martial Arts school, and yield your issue. You won't get help online.

Some say "You can't learn how to swim by reading".

 

[Tony Ramirez]

No, thanks.