"Logic" vs social responses

[dipper_d]

Was wondering if anyone else experiences this. I just, now, made the "connection"(lack of).

When I am faced with a socially based question or comment that would "require" a response by me, I often, either, blank out for several seconds, or more, or I reply with something that doesn't "properly" fit the conversation.

But when faced with ANY question, that is solely based on logic, I am able to, almost "instantly" deduce/induce a "perfect"(to me) reply.

It would make sense that others experience this, I would suppose, as the social side is the issue with Aspies. But i have yet to see any vids or specific commentary, on this issue. I am differentiating the social interaction aspect from the "thought process" aspect, in this case.

Sh!t, no, I guess I am not. I cannot. But this, now, is an even deeper question, for me.

For example, when my girlfriend says to me, "Tell me something sweet", I often brain freeze for ten seconds or so, realize i am frozen, and then stutter something like, "Uh, I can't. I dont know what...uh, to say, or something". Literally, some lame stuff, like that.

However, I am able to, at random and with no effort, say sweet things to her, on "my own".

And her request to tell her something sweet is, actually, able to be answered and "thought" of, logically. I know and say to her, that "she is my sweetness, my baby, my love for all time"(moby- whispering winds). And that should "INSTANTLY" pop right into my head, when she asks, as it is the absolute completely logical thing to say, at that time, and I KNOW that it is.

Now, if I am asked a question that is pertaining to a logic based topic, something that requires nothing but deduction or induction, there is never a hesitation, no matter who is asking the question. Even if asked by some person that I would have, as a teenager, been shy around, such as a "cute girl".

So, two issues I see. One, that the logical function is, somehow, "overriden" by SIMPLY the fact that the scenario it was asked was in a social situation.

The second, is that it is SIMPLY the REQUEST that causes me to not be able to think or process the proper and my customary thought, which is the moby quote.

This is really puzzling, to me. I am quite intrigued by the way that AS "works". I have almost gotten--- no, I FULLY have an obsession on understanding the really fine details about EVERYTHING related to AS. It is my "personal grand theory of everything" quest.

For example, chromozome 15 (or somethin) is responsible for, both, anxiety AND "loose ligaments" and such. I, fully, have anxiety as well as having tore my ACL, PCL, meniscus, AND had to have my hip replaced. Along with having superior meccentaric artery syndrome, when i was a child. These things APPEAR to all be a result of that chromozome 15.

Same thing with ALL AS traits, I think. They are spread out in the chromozomes, yet somehow, all "linked". This is the puzzle, i wish to "solve". I will not be able to, I am a logic minded, not mathematics minded, intelligence. But I think that bringing out "oddities" such as my query, could help connect (or disconnect) a few dots, to help the medical folks.

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I should mention that I was only self diagnosed with Asperger two weeks ago. I am 34. Both AQ tests confirm it, not that I needed them to. The list of Aspie symptoms (funny that Aspie is considered a misspelled word, in THIS forum. Yes, I realize that it is a template forum site, but still funny), the list of Aspie symptoms is my life, almost to a tee. (clumsiness is the only trait I am without). I see a shrink on Wed. I am able to see that I "suffer" the same type of AS affects that children do, even though I am, now, an ol man. Rather than the lifestyles and choices that adults with AS, who were diagnosed as a child, experience. Kind of frustrating. Very. That I now have to learn to change after such a long time of living without understanding, is both great and awful, all at once.

 

[csanon]

Wow,
I was taken aback when I first read this. I came to my realization with AS 2 years ago when I was 31 and strongly remember feeling that relief and depression all at once.

To address your direct issue though- yes I experience it all of the time, and have had many discussions about it with my therapist. Since most of us with AS have logical brains and see things in "black and white", we are automatically better at answering questions that do have concrete answers. As for open-ended questions, my personal hypothesis is that it stems from a combination of

1) lack of creativity and/or open-ended thinking (as explained above)
2) anxiety associated with the fright-and-flight response that social interaction induces in us
3) anxiety based on past negative social experiences

As for point 2, I've noticed that in such situations I feel that initial rush of adrenalin and loss for words like I'm "on the spot". As I've become more mindful over time I am able to catch this response at it often happens in a split second (I've done this through practicing mindfulness meditation daily, which I recommend to ANYONE with AS who wants to better themselves).

As for point 3, almost all of us were criticized, bullied, teased, etc. when we were younger because we didn't naturally pick up on social conventions at a young age. As a result, many of us have negative self-beliefs that have carried over into adulthood and that affect our social interactions in seemingly indirect ways now, even if they are incorrect. For example, at work I've often held back on saying anything about myself, and through cognitive therapy I realized it was because I feared saying something stupid. Since then, I've slowly opened up more, and thus I'm changing my self-image slowly over time.

On the other hand, at times when I'm "in the moment" and enjoying myself, conversation flows and I'm not monitoring myself for what I am saying or thinking. I love those moments and I am trying to have more of them.

This is a great discussion topic and I hope others join in as well with their input.

 

[Ylva]

I think it is all things social, at least for me. I have learned some responses the way I'd learn a new language, but social pressure - even something small like a request - takes me some time to process. Often when someone asks me to do something or not do something, it takes at least a whole minute before I even understand what they are saying.

I've been thinking that expectations mess it up. I know in my mind (which is where one should know things) that expectation is just an emotional state and nothing magical or telepathically transferable, so I don't know and can't begin to theorise about how it becomes pressure to the person who is the object of an expectation. I have read about the Pygmalion effect, which was tested by telling unsuspecting teachers what they could expect of their newly assigned class of children, and the classes that were expected to perform well did, and the classes that were suspected to perform poorly also did. It shows how impressionable children are, suggests that adults can hardly be immune to it, and hints that communication really does happen on a much deeper level than words, tones of voice (both of which I perceive), facial expressions and overt body language (both of which I largely ignore in favour of the two first, unless I really try to focus on it, which has the side effect of rendering words pretty useless).

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

For me it's all about anxiety. I'm creative in the traditional senses: I've written music, sold original artwork, had a couple of very short pieces published, and I write for a living when I can find work. But I am so anxious and the burden of having to watch myself is overwhelming. I have enough scripts to pass as normal for a little while, but day after day at work, it becomes obvious that I miss social cues at the time they're made. It's frustrating because part of my head sees what's happening, but it can't talk to the part of my head that has words, so I'm consistently late to understanding what was going on.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I tore my ACL and meniscus as well, but that was in an accident severe enough that anyone would have suffered injury.

 

[Judge]

I can only say that when I break down my own behaviors and realize that with most everything spoken directly to me at any given time, there is usually an instant where the first thing that comes into my mind is something indicative of a fight/flight response. That instead of being able to blithely respond, it becomes a matter of "threat assessment" prior to responding. Logic or otherwise...

Yet it's what I do and have since I was an adolescent. I wish I could overcome this. Even when I get it right there's no joy in having done so.

 

[SameStars]

Open-ended questions trip me up, I try not to answer back with 'Can you be more specific?', because that's not always appreciated. I need a little time to process, or consider if the answer I want to give is relevant to what's being asked.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Open-ended questions trip me up, I try not to answer back with 'Can you be more specific?', because that's not always appreciated. I need a little time to process, or consider if the answer I want to give is relevant to what's being asked.

My dad was in the kitchen about to get dinner ready.
He asked me "Can you help?"
I was in a separate room and I called back "With what?"
If my memory is correct, he may simply have said "With this!"
I said "Can you be more specific?"
He said "With dinner!"
I was getting really frustrated. I asked "Can you be more specific?"
We yelled back and forth like this, with me yelling at him to be more specific, before I finally got him to explain that he wanted me to help with potatoes.
Than I had to ask "What do you want me to do with them?"

 

[Suiseiseki]

I've always been very creative and thinking outside the box, I often find it tricky to think in a more streamlined way so most of the things I come up with are oddly complex.

 

[Jasper FIelds]

So, two issues I see. One, that the logical function is, somehow, "overriden" by SIMPLY the fact that the scenario it was asked was in a social situation.

The second, is that it is SIMPLY the REQUEST that causes me to not be able to think or process the proper and my customary thought, which is the moby quote.

I have just found out I have AS and I am trying to figure this out too. It would make such a huge difference with my SO. It consistently seems like once the person I'm communicating with states what a logical or socially appropriate response is. I'm like... of course. But figuring out what to say in the moment is monumentally difficult.

As I've become more mindful over time I am able to catch this response at it often happens in a split second (I've done this through practicing mindfulness meditation daily, which I recommend to ANYONE with AS who wants to better themselves).

Can you share what you do for your mindfulness meditation? I agree daily meditation is so important but I struggle to do it.

 

[Judge]

My dad was in the kitchen about to get dinner ready.
He asked me "Can you help?"
I was in a separate room and I called back "With what?"
If my memory is correct, he may simply have said "With this!"
I said "Can you be more specific?"
He said "With dinner!"
I was getting really frustrated. I asked "Can you be more specific?"
We yelled back and forth like this, with me yelling at him to be more specific, before I finally got him to explain that he wanted me to help with potatoes.
Than I had to ask "What do you want me to do with them?"

Classic example of the communications gap between NTs and Aspies. Where what is really being requested is never spoken of. Yet it's unilaterally expected for us to understand whatever implications are in play.

Frustrating and puzzling. Not because he's an NT, but because he's your father. And yet one who doesn't seem to have any interest in learning about the thought process of his own daughter.

It makes me wonder how my parents would have carried on had they known I was on the spectrum as well. I have a feeling my mother would have understood and figured it out. My father? I'm not so sure.

But then being raised in a military family I didn't need to parse what my father wanted. Only that he asked.