VAW
Well-Known Member
That is so sad to hear.... It is true, you can't change people, they are who they are. We either have to accept them for who they are or leave them. I never leave anyone... I am always there if they need me but i don't put forth the effort to call them if they don't call me.
I think we always think our parents are super human or something that they have plenty of love for us and are perfect people... unfortunately many are not. In fact no one is. Just some are better than others. In my case (and i am not an aspie, my son is) it took me years to understand him, I didn't know what he was facing as an aspie, i found it easier to just leave him because i figured i am there if he needs me, and if he doesn't want to talk to me then fine when he does need me then i am there. but the thing I think about is how troubled people are and people would rather stay away from them then try to understand what they are going through because it is harder to deal with and i never want to be that kind of person. As I got to know my son's hardships mentally and physically we became closer because now for the first time I UNDERSTOOD why he was the way he was. He didn't talk as far as his hardships or emotions , he was a closed door and it took years to break that door down but in the end it was worth it. We text every day now and he can talk with me now. He used to hide his emotions deep inside and would not let it out for public appearance. closed himself off so to speak. I know it is an Aspie trait to not go out but there is a difference than feeling no one cares. Sometimes you shut yourself off to love, maybe you don't feel worthy of it or you hide because you know you have not been the best person to other people so you don't want to face it, or simply have problems you don't even understand and that all hurts everyone. It piles up mentally and before you know it, it feels you can never get out. I tried just a kind word when they would accept it, hammering one kind word into the mountain, chipping it away for them. Kindness and love can never go wrong, you don't have to be there 24//7 but please don't just walk away either. She may need you more than you know but even depression causes you not to want to talk or deal with your world. One thing I have realized is if someone is troubled it doesn't help to bring out that trouble, it just socks it deeper into why they don't want to talk... Try saying something like I really miss your beautiful face mom, just nice things, If you try and get into a conversation of what she does that bothers you it will keep her away if she doesn't want to deal with that, but kind words will open that door and eventually lead to deep discussions. I know that is only my brain thinking of what i do, and it doesn't work for everyone and that is okay.... We don't all fit in the same category just offering my thoughts. On the opposite side of that...not everyone accepts our love either but never stop because of what other people do.
