Life on a stage

[Alan tm]

Since I escaped school at the first opportunity I worked on a stage .
It gave me a Lot of free time and although it seems like a nightmare place to be
It's actually a very isolated situation that you have almost total control over.

I can cope on a stage .
I never set out to be there , I got pushed into it .
I'e been all over the place and some of Europe.

So I've seen and done things I'd never have done .

That line of work has rolled over and died.
As with music things it becomes everything , it was my focus for 30 plus years.

Now it's over , I have basically nothing .
This Is what happens when you focus your life at one thing .

It trashed friendships, relationships , having any roots . All had to be set aside to be constantly
Moving .

Iv'e stopped and the vacuum that followed has caught up .
I also used to be an inventor of things, I'd often make myself Ill over focusing on things to the Loss of again friends , relationships, any stable life.

Again I've had to cut that lose too because of situations beyond my control.

In many many ways I hated being on a stage, why do I have to be the one doing this , why am I put in a situation where I'm constantly being judged .
My worth became how much i could prove to strangers that I'm any good ,over and over.

I now work in a music store , that's far more difficult than the big stages.
I'm totally out of control and in zero position to show myself of any value.

Trapped at both extremes

 

[Nervous Rex]

My worth became how much i could prove to strangers that I'm any good, over and over.

I totally get that. I struggle with defining my worth in terms of how much I accomplish. If I don’t get enough done in any particular day, I feel worthless.

You have intrinsic worth. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or what you prove or don’t prove - you are valuable.

A good friend of mine put it this way: We need to learn how to be a human being, not a human doing.

 

[Alan tm]

I've been told similar things but very hard to believe.
I feel I am what I do

 

[Nervous Rex]

Yeah, it’s easily to say and understand with my “logical brain.” But it takes a lot of time and repetition to get it down into my “emotional brain”, to really believe it.