Let’s make a story

[DaisyRose]

I’ll start the story and see where it goes.

Once upon a time, there was a bear named Mr. Berry. He was a happy and cheerful bear. He always wanted to take a journey into town go to the new local grocery store. Mr. Berry…

 

[Hazel_1914]

...of course, was a very nice bear and put effort in.
Bears don't shop often at the grocers. Usually a nice hollow log full of grubs, or a beehive, or a garden or some fish will get one fed. But his mother Pansy had often shopped because she liked to stop at the hairdresser and gossip later.

Trying to remember how his mother did it he took the stringbag out of the pantry and put on his rubber boots for it was raining, and started down from the forest toward the town.

Along the way he met an old friend on the way to eat some chickens if Mr. Woolgather had left the henhouse unattended. Renard was a lean and hungry fox, disliked for his habits of eating small woodland creatures. But Mr Berry thought Renard may have been merely misunderstood - when in fact he was both that and very hungry.

"Good morning," he said; "chicken again?"
"If I can get there and back without the dog noticing, yes. Where are you going this early, Mr Berry, and why the bag?"
"On my way to see the new grocer in town! I've always wanted to go. Speaking of chicken you might like it--I got an insert in the newspaper that says they are selling rotisserie chicken quite cheap. Coming? Save the risk."
Renard considering his options thought this was well worth a try. "Of course," he said, and together they continued through the forest until right at the town's boundary Renard's cunning brain remembered something good old Mr Berry had forgotten in his excitement.

"Not to be the bearer of bad news but once we're there how do we pay for this? I have no pockets, you have no pants, I'm a fox, you're a talking bear, neither of us have money."

"Oh! We will think of something. In fact if we can get there soon enough I have an idea. We might try asking...

 

[Jumpinbare]

That odd wizard that lives in the old gym locker if he can make us into scientists. Then we can invent a new way to sanitarily pick noses. We can apply for the patent and get bought out by big pharma. Everyone knows that THEY ..

 

[Tom]

Mr. Berry... rode into town on a grey and purple palimino mare named Hancock. The sun was high and his hat tilted down low and not a soul was to be seen on the streets of the dusty town,,,

 

[WildCat]

...because trouble was brewing. It seemed that for every problem solved in this town, a new one would soon take its place.

After making a small fortune on the patent for NOSE (Nasal Orifice Sanitizing Extractor) and having took a stake in the company responsible for the new grocery store in town, along with his good friend Renard, money, chicken and clothing (and along with that, pockets) would become the least of their worries. Until today.

A voice could be heard from behind a nearby building. "Well, well, well...LOOK...AT...THIS!!! If it isn't Mr. Beary, big shot nose picking slash cleaning tycoon. Oh, sorry, my apologies...forgot you were a scientist now. WHAT'S UP DOC?"

"Who's that? What do you want? I don't want any trouble here!" Mr. Beary said, with a confused look on his face.

A mysterious stranger walks out slowly from behind the building. "Oh, me? I'm here to see what the fuss is all about. I've heard some...let's say, things about you. Very interesting things."

Renard, having rode behind Mr. Berry from a distance, finally closed the gap and arrived into town. "Sorry to keep you waiting Mr. Berry, I had a little...". Immediately recognizing who the stranger was, his expression turned into one of shock and disgust. "What are you doing here, Shifty?!?" he says.

Indeed, the stranger was none other than Shifty, a trouble making rabbit notorious for his cunning demeanor. Certainly a match for Renard...or was he?

"And who's this?!? Your plus one, Renard?!? IT CAN'T BE!" Shifty says, sarcastically. "The fox who went from snatching chickens to snatching stocks. I wonder what Mr. Woolgather's thoughts on the matter would be if he heard about..."...

"Now, listen here," Mr. Berry says hesitantly, interrupting Shifty's train of thought, "I think you need to leave this town. I really don't like saying it, but you look like the sort that's up to no good. I might be a nice fellow and all, but I think you're scaring off all the townsfolk here, and that's not something I appreciate.".

"ME?" Shifty says, pointing to himself, laughing. "I think there's a misunderstanding here...". Shifty whistles, and more strangers walk out into the street. "So, fine gentlemen...got any plans today?"...

 

[Jumpinbare]

"We were considering a communal hair-washing," Mr Berry replied, sheepishly. "But we could bring about World Peace if you'd rather." Several of the sheep baah-d in the ensuing silence.
Renard piped up "That effort would be wasted on the likes of Shifty. Let's hit them with these pipes instead!"
Grabbing a pipe from Renard, Mr Berry first sniffed, then tasted it. "I'm more in the mood for..." He produced a pair of gas masks. He and Renard donned the masks and he continued "sustained lethal flatulence."
Shifty and his shiftless fellows first looked confused, then panicked as the aromatic wave hit, then in seconds were unconscious on the ground.
"Well NOW WHAT?" Renard's muffled voice was heard through the mask. "We can't leave these guys laying in the street. That would be littering."
"Yeah," Mr Berry replied dejectedly, "I'll go get the undertaker. "
"Won't he be dead?" Renard asked, concerned.
"No, only close range is lethal. The townspeople who haven't left were all indoors. They would only have hallucinatory effects," Mr Berry explained as he shuffled away.
The undertaker was busy shooing the flying rhinoceroses away from his latest client, who had somehow transformed into a large overly ornate wedding cake, when he heard a knock at his door. He waded through the lush rows of corn towards where he remembered his front door to be. "I'm coming!" he cried out, hoping his voice would carry through the Jello that the room was suddenly and inexplicably filled with.

He reached the door and opened it, hoping the oozing gelatin didn't knock his visitor down. He needn't have worried. His visitor was a 9 foot tall pillar of flame that vaporized the goo as it tried to flow past. A hesitant voice cleared its throat and said "I hate to disturb you, but I just created a substantial backlog for your business. I'm new at this sort of thing. What do we do from here?"
"No disturbance, I assure you sir. Business has been slow. I'm Andy the Undertaker. I would invite you in, but I don't want my establishment incinerated. Are the customers burned, I take it?"
"Um, no," Mr Berry replied, looking at Andy with an intense 'what are you talking about" expression. "They're just sort of regular dead, but I've never killed so many at once before, and I don't even know any of their waist or shoe sizes."
"We can sort that out," Andy replied. "First let me..."

 

[Jumpinbare]

"We can sort that out," Andy replied. "First let me... Aw, man! You hear that?"
"The gong sound?" Mr Berry asked.
"Yeah, that. Shucky-darn! We were just getting going too!"
"I don't understand," Mr Berry replied, a study in confusion.
"Too much time lapsed without anyone adding to the story. We've been canceled due to lack of audience participation."
"Gee willickers!" Mr Berry exclaimed. "I've never been canceled before. Will it hurt?"
"We'll see I guess," Renard sighed.

 

[WildCat]

Spoiler: note

Was going to give it a while before posting again after my wall of text, in case more people wanted to join in and add to the story. I guess these sorts of threads don't gain a lot of traction...

The town sheriff walked down the street, announcing his presence and assessing the situation. He approaches Renard and Mr. Berry. "You two, what's going on here?"
"Well...if you're talking about the...bodies on the street..." Mr. Berry said, in a nervous tone.
"We did what we had to, sheriff. It was either us or them, and had it been us, it would have been the rest of this town. Including YOU." Renard says, confident in his stance.
"What are you talking about?" said the sheriff, somewhat suspicious. He goes to take a look at what happened. "Lemme go over here and...ugh. Never mind, I'd recognize that face from well yonder."
"That's right, sheriff," Renard said, "Shifty. He should have chosen a better nickname. Just saying."
"Um, sheriff, I'm a little embarrassed to say it, but..." Mr. Berry said, still nervous.
"No, no, no need to say anything. You two did everyone a huge favor today. Shoulda kept him in the cell the first time around, that little sack..." the sheriff said in disgust. "Was there anyone else here with the two of you?"
"Nope." Renard said. "Like I said, us and them. Mr. Berry, how about you head home? Get some rest, big guy. I'll stick around here and help take care of this." Mr. Berry nods in agreement, heading back to his humble abode.
"We were talking with Andy here about what to do." Renard said. "But, since you're the one in charge around town, maybe you have something different in mind?"...

 

[Jumpinbare]

"All right," the sheriff said "who's playing the theramin?"
"Theramin?" Renard and Andy asked in unison.
"Theramin. You know, that cheesy science fictiony oo-WOO-oo music." The sheriff clarified.
"Where'd he go?" Renard and Andy asked in unison.
"Sorry," sheriff said, becoming visible again. "I didn't mean to go all clear on you guys. But who is playing that danged theramin?"
"I just figgered it was my hearing aids acting up again," said Andy.
"What?" The sherrif asked.
Andy punched the sherrif on the shoulder. "Hey, that's MY line. I'm the one with a hearin' problem."
A shadow fell over the group. They looked up and saw what appeared to be a giant green cheese wedge hovering over them.
"Don't normally see that around here," Renard observed.
The wedge moved a little to the side and slowly descended to the ground. At the last minute, three skinny legs in jogging shoes emerged from the bottom and touched the ground. The wedge settled with the exact sound a city bus's air brakes make.
"Hmm," all three said in unison.
A door opened in the side of the wedge, and a seriously goofy looking alien emerged. "Greetings Earth people, I'm Al."
"What?" Renard, Andy, and the sherrif asked in unison.
"PUT AWAY THE THERAMIN!" Al yelled into the open door. The music stopped. Al repeated his introduction.
"What brings you to our dull little town?" the sheriff asked.
Al appeared puzzled by the question. "My cheese wedge, of course." he replied.
"Why's it green?" Andy asked.
"We come from the Moon. Everyone knows the Moon is made of green cheese. Don't they teach you that in school?"
"I think I missed that day," Renard said. "But how can you live on the Moon. There's no air, is there?"
"OK, sure. You're correct, and technically we don't live. We're all robots, so we don't need air. But robots are people too."
"And some people are robots," the sherrif replied. So let's just move on to why you're here."
"Ah, yes," Al agreed. "You have fresh bodies to dispose of, and we are looking for biologicals with zero brain activity to test downloading AI into organic neural networks."
The sheriff and undertaker exchanged conspiratorial glances. Andy spoke up. "I believe for a modest fee we can accommodate you."
No one noticed the small object that fell out of Al's pocket just then. "I am prepared to pay in imaginium, or selenium ingots," Al replied.
"Imaginium?" the three earthers asked in unison.
"It's our digital currency, based on complex mathematical equations involving large
prime numbers," Al shrugged, his shoulder joints squeaking.
"Well that sounds pretty stupid," the sherrif said, scratching his head. What's
those silly-um ingots?"
"Selenium is a rare-ish semiconductor material used in solar cells," Andy
said.
Both Renard and the sheriff stared at Andy like he had five heads.
"What?" Andy said. "Solid state physics is a special interest of mine.
Can't an undertaker have hobbies?"
"So they're worth something? " Renard ventured.
"You betcha," Andy happy-danced.
"So, an ingot per corpse?" Renard ventured.
"How big're these ingots?" Martin the Sheriff asked.
Al's hands indicated cantaloupe size.
"More than enough!" Andy happy-danced again. "Guys, we could afford the
municipal Bouncehouse we've talked about for years!"

 

[Jumpinbare]

Al spoke up, "is that a gong I'm hearing?"
"Yeah," Martin said grudgingly. "Around these parts, when nothing has progressed in a while, the gong starts warning us to move along or get canceled."
"Why would anyone care if you progress or not?" Al asked, mystified.
"It's some silly group participation thing," Renard said, rolling his eyes.
Andy picked up Renard's eyes, dusted them off and handed them back to Renard.
"Thanks," Renard said. "So do we get canceled, or is someone going to pitch in?" he asked to the universe in general.

 

[tree]

The universe couldn't be bothered to reply.

 

[Jumpinbare]

"Well dont  that beat all!" Martin exclaimed, throwing his hat to the ground, stomping on it, then picking it up, brushing off the dust, straightening it, twirling it around on his pointer finger, tossing it to Andy who tossed it back, then passing it between his legs from front to back, putting it back on his head, curtseying, and saying, "What was I talking about?"
"I believe you were upset about the universe not responding," Al offered.
"Yeah, that." Andy remembered. "You'd think from the universe's size alone that somebody could be bothered to contribute."

 

[Jumpinbare]

"WHAT DO YOU WANT  NOW?" a basso profundo, omnipresent-esque voice boomed.
"Wait, what?" Martin looked around, confused and pale.
Andy held up a hand for silence. "I got this," he told Martin, then looked skyward. "We were soliciting story input so we don't get canceled. Any ideas?"
Again the voice boomed, "I LIKE TURTLES." Before the rolling echoes died away, a massive herd of turtles trudged into view. Astride the lead turtle's head, a snail was hanging on for dear life.