Lacking identity

[karla]

I think it doesn´t have to be a bad thing and I guess it is much more comom on people with aspergers because we tend to live more in our heads than on the outside reallity, so it is more difficult for us to have a clear purpose or a plan. I read that people with asperger tend to live more on the present. And I think it´s better that way. Live our lifes and not getting frustrated for what is or not happening. I hate when people ask me what are my plans or my life goals. I never know what to say and it makes me feel stupid

 

[Randomperson]

I am me, you are you. We simply are. The only reason I can see for someone to struggle with this is if they are unhappy with who they are, or if they attempt to be something they are not, at which point conflict would arise within one self. But this may all just be in my head.

 

[Jimbo]

I am still amazed every time I come to this forum at how much you people are exactly like me. The whole thing about being a spectator in life is exactly how I have always felt. I am happy to just sit on the sidelines and watch. It doesn't bother me one bit. I do have a good sense of my political and religious beliefs. I don't mean to turn this into a debate about religion, but I find my purpose in living for and worshiping my creator. How ever, I do struggle with my sense of identity when it comes to which group I fit in. I fit with some folks at church, and one or two old high school friends, and with my rather large family, but that's about it. I can't relate to the well educated wine and cheese crowd. I'm definitely not a tree hugger. I slightly fit in with the country redneck crowd, but even then I have trouble getting to know people.

 

[The Penguin]

I feel lack of identity with people. I don't connect with most people common interest. Also hate lots of people judge someone how they write and talk. They don't make the time to see other trates of the person. I finally learned to accept it. I learned to focus on people see value in me.

The biggest thing I wish is employers see potential in me during the interview. But they always comes to the wrong conclusion of me after the interview. That my lost identity

 

[Zachary Scott]

Identity is something I have been chasing for a long time, but I do have an understanding of where it went. When I was growing up, there was no Aspergers diagnosis. I began to notice that people saw me differently, and it drew too much attention. Over time I became a little piece of everyone I met, never letting anyone get close enough to notice. I became very good at it, and it is why I succeeded so well in my career. My personality and behaviour shifts with the company I'm with.
The down side is, you trade everything you were to achieve, not being noticed. When your the only one in the room, and there's no one to mirror, you feel a sense of identity crisis. I may have achieved much during my life, but the process fractured my identity. I'm not sure at this stage, if there is a way of getting it back.

You hit the nail on the head. This is so accurate. I only had two good friends when I was in middle school (to be fair I honestly didn't understand friendship until college), both of whom are creative and hilarious. Also my cousin who was really into video games. I feel like most of my personality is an accumulation of those qualities I found enjoyable in them, plus interesting things I observed along the way. One thing I find myself doing is imitating TV characters. My coworkers are consistently impressed by my impressions, and I never thought of that as a talent, just something I do to feel less boring. But as an adult I have never been able to understand who I really am and what I really like/want to be, and this totally explains why! I never drew the connection that I learned to imitate so effectively until now. I'm sure imitation is a natural part of development but I still find myself doing it today... I've can join almost any group or meet any person and "fit in" if I have enough time to adjust to what they like. Also explains why I can't date because I must act differently to every person I meet. My sense of identity is fluid because I make it up as I go along.... I try to get into new hobbies and assimilate that into who I am because I can't differentiate my personality from interests.