• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Kinda messed up in the head today over my Father's ashes


You know, that one lady we met that one time.
V.I.P Member
I'm messed up inside, today.

My mom picked up my dad's ashes today. We couldn't afford an urn, so he's just in this cardboard box inside a blue bag. My dad.

I don't want to see the ashes. I've seen ashes before. But the thought of it makes me retch. That's my father's body. I want to lay him to rest inside some object that is more respectful and beautiful until he is buried or scattered. He deserves an urn.

He did more for me to keep me alive and to protect me than anyone could imagine.

It makes me want to cry.


If I scrounged up the money to buy an urn, would the mortuary take back the ashes and lay him to rest inside it? Or would we do it?

I know nothing of these things.

I would want it done respectfully and properly. As this is my father. And I honor his life.


Please be respectful in answering this question. I am very sensitive about this subject.
My dad made a really nice box for my mothers ash's from the top of an old dish washer cutting board made two sold second to funeral home it sold in day,
I think it's a nice idea to make something. It could be something very simple and meaningful. Maybe you could even build it around the current box so you wouldn't have to worry about transferring them.

I like the idea of scattering someone's ashes someplace special. I don't know if you like this idea, but it is something to consider.

I think the reverence in your heart is the most important thing and neither a cardboard box nor an exquisite urn made of diamonds and gold will change how important your father was to you and how sad you are now. 💜
My Grandfather's ashes were spread over a field where he played as a child per his request.

My own family and friends have their instructions for where I want my final resting place to be too.
Your love for your dad is so clear from what you write. It must be such a loss for you that he is gone.

A nice urn may look nicer, but the quality of a container is only an expression of the regard in which the person was held. Your love and feeling for him is so clear and touching to read

The more important thing here is surely what you do with the ashes, and where he is finally laid to rest.

Yes I know you respect the memory of your dad, but the ashes are the mortal remains of the body he inhabited. His soul/spirit is elsewhere.

I was able to lay my father's ashed to rest beside his parents (as he wanted).
I have seen ashes scattered at a place that was special to the person.

I wish you grace and peace at this difficult time for you.
I hope that I have not offended by what I write - if so please forgive me.

Peace be with you
I'm so sorry for your loss and the difficulties in deciding what to do with your dad's remains. For what it's worth, my mother died first, and her ashes were placed in a marble urn which my father kept in his bedroom. When he died, he left instructions that he did not want an urn for himself, but for us to bury our mother's urn and to pour his ashes around her urn so they were buried together. We have a private family cemetery on our land, and we did as he requested.
That's so touching, to want to treat him with the utmost care and respect by placing his essence in a worthy container. He is around you and is your spiritual protecter. Perhaps to place a picture of him nearby and to say a prayer about him would mean more than a fancy receptacle. Sending you gentle awareness and support in this journey.
My sister-in-law recently passed away after a several year battle with cancer. At any rate, my brother-in-law and her had many years of happy marriage and moved around at bit, as well as traveled. So, he took several months (he's retired) travelled around, and spread some of her ashes at her favorite places. He didn't keep her ashes in an urn.

My other sister-in-law kept my brother's ashes (colon cancer got him when he was 36) in a nicely carved wooden box. Above it, one of those multi-picture frames, my brother with her, the kids, his race car, goofy facial expressions, etc. Tastefully done.

At any rate, what you choose to do is deeply personal.
So sorry to hear of your grief, @Yeshuasdaughter . My wife was cremated a few years ago, as I will be when the Lord calls. Her ashes are in a tasteful wooden box, as mine will be.

I’ve done nothing with her ashes. My sons know they will receive both containers at my passing. One son has offered to prepare a place on his property for our remains, and would like to lay his mother’s remains to rest whenever I’m ready. Only reason I haven’t given the go ahead is fear I’ll live long enough to see them removed.

Knowing very little, I’m still confident that your father passed knowing that he had built a lasting legacy of love in your heart. As a parent, I have to believe that’s all the love and respect he could have hoped for. He passed thinking of you, not his earthly remains. You have honored him. Be content with whatever the Lord provides for his ashes.
Thanks to the Gofundme, we have enough to buy an urn. I offered one, but my mom said no. She says that she spent so much on his cremation and other bills, that she needs it to replenish her savings.

So sad.

Everyone has shared such personal stories. I feel for all of you. Makes me a little weepy. I am so bad with words. I don't know what to do or say to help. But my heart cries out to all of you. Thank you for all your kindness.
Thanks to the Gofundme, we have enough to buy an urn. I offered one, but my mom said no. She says that she spent so much on his cremation and other bills, that she needs it to replenish her savings.

So sad.


If you visit thrift stores or flea markets, you might find a beautiful ceramic vase that can be sealed, or a pretty wood box with a lid, or something made of brass that could serve as an urn. One of my friends (70 years old) has an antique glass canning jar from her grandmother that she wants to be used as her "urn". Anything that can be sealed and that you love can be used so don't give up on finding the right thing for your dad.

Sending you and your family my deepest condolences, @Yeshuasdaughter.

New Threads

Top Bottom