Just thought of something.

[BradT]

Hi everyone, something just came up in my head, last semester at college, we would have these quizzes and we would do them in groups, even though I participated and talked, I just felt something off. Most of the other members were talking to one another ,except me. Is it possible they sensed something was wrong with me? like I was socially awkward, can neurotypicals sense something is not right with a person who has aspergers even though they don't know you have aspergers? Granted, they talked a lot more than I did, but I felt like they could've included me a lot more. Also, I wore the same clothes to class everyday, because I was lazy and didn't want to search for anything in my closet. I would rewash my shirts and pants everyday and wear them again, maybe they thought that was weird? Can anyone help me out on this?

 

[Suzanne]

Hi Brad

I have battled this all my life and at 47, I am entitled to say: all my life lol

It would seem that it is due to you wearing the same thing, but if you wash, then it cannot be that you smell bad and so, the other thought is that they are being prejudiced.

Tried most things, other than compromising my beliefs, to fit in and nothing has worked. I discovered pretty fast that some females were ok with me one to one, but enter another and suddenly I became invisable and looking back, I see that they were just being polite or it was me, who emitted an aura when another entered into the conversation.

I wish I could be lazy about clothes, because it is tiring to have to think what to wear each day and can get really overwhelming for me.

 

[BradT]

Hi Brad

I have battled this all my life and at 47, I am entitled to say: all my life lol

It would seem that it is due to you wearing the same thing, but if you wash, then it cannot be that you smell bad and so, the other thought is that they are being prejudiced.

Tried most things, other than compromising my beliefs, to fit in and nothing has worked. I discovered pretty fast that some females were ok with me one to one, but enter another and suddenly I became invisable and looking back, I see that they were just being polite or it was me, who emitted an aura when another entered into the conversation.

I wish I could be lazy about clothes, because it is tiring to have to think what to wear each day and can get really overwhelming for me.

Well, they knew not to say anything to me about it or they would have seen the other side of my fist

 

[Chance]

Hi everyone, something just came up in my head, last semester at college, we would have these quizzes and we would do them in groups, even though I participated and talked, I just felt something off. Most of the other members were talking to one another ,except me. Is it possible they sensed something was wrong with me? like I was socially awkward, can neurotypicals sense something is not right with a person who has aspergers even though they don't know you have aspergers? Granted, they talked a lot more than I did, but I felt like they could've included me a lot more. Also, I wore the same clothes to class everyday, because I was lazy and didn't want to search for anything in my closet. I would rewash my shirts and pants everyday and wear them again, maybe they thought that was weird? Can anyone help me out on this?

I also wonder if NT's can just 'sense' or notice a difference within us. Granted some AS/ASD people have a certain 'look' maybe have certain odd actions, but some simply do not. I'm not a talker... Maybe that is what gives me away? I don't stand around chewing on words with people, hell I don't even want to be around them period... but there are times when I have to do what I don't want to do.

I assess the reason I am in a certain place and then dive into the task and churn out more than what is expected and then I am ready to move on. This actually seems to offend some people, and there are other people who will be glad to let you do the work for them, and then take the credit for it...

Its often like a two edged sword. They dislike us until we out think them, then they use that to better themselves in many cases... Once I see that I close off and they are stuck. That is how I went from and absolute no body, to later running the company I work for. I stopped letting people USE me, and let them hang themselves just as they deserved. Sounds mean, but Karma can be a real b...h sometimes and I will allow it to run its course.

I dont think it was your clothes since they were always clean, but as shallow as people are I could be horribly wrong. Most of my clothes look the same. I have issues about my own cleanliness. I will get dirty and messy but I have to clean up often. Yet I don't have this huge array of clothes, nor do they vary much. I'm not into style or fashion... I'm for what is comfortable... Maybe that bugs some people, maybe not... I have lots more relevant things to ponder than if my clothes are going to make new friends. : )

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Hi everyone, something just came up in my head, last semester at college, we would have these quizzes and we would do them in groups, even though I participated and talked, I just felt something off. Most of the other members were talking to one another ,except me. Is it possible they sensed something was wrong with me? like I was socially awkward, can neurotypicals sense something is not right with a person who has aspergers even though they don't know you have aspergers? Granted, they talked a lot more than I did, but I felt like they could've included me a lot more. Also, I wore the same clothes to class everyday, because I was lazy and didn't want to search for anything in my closet. I would rewash my shirts and pants everyday and wear them again, maybe they thought that was weird? Can anyone help me out on this?

Those who are good analyzers of others are often the very shy and introspective ones as opposed to the extroverted and outgoing ones. This is because instead of talking, the quieter persons are often watching and listening. They can either because of conditioning or genetics become more aware of the world around them through using their senses, whereas many vocal persons are often more focused on what they are saying to another, and just what that other they are talking to is saying. They can tune more other things out thus.

So, I think it all depends on what you mean by a neurotypical. I do not see myself as a neurotypical, as I have been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, and with OCD perfectionism traits, and was extremely dysfunctional socially my entire life and picked on. I looked abnormally shy and Avoidant. There is some small possibility I have higher functioning ASD, but one of the stereotypes of those who have that is they may have some difficulty putting themselves in other persons' shoes, but that actually is one of my biggest strengths I feel.

In my case, I am good at understanding all types of persons and in picking up on their gestures, mannerisms, postures, actions and inactions, and what they say or do not say. I knew something was different in our sons even soon after birth, much less at eighteen months, as they were having delays, and severe problems with eating and sleeping, too. So, I am constantly focused on details too, which I know those with ASD can be too, but I especially am good at focusing on persons. I love understanding why persons act as they do, and try to understand how each thinks and feels.

This does not mean that all quiet persons can be good at picking up on atypical traits in others, nor does it mean that talkative persons cannot, as some quiet persons could be more aloof and focused on other things instead, and as some outgoing persons could sense persons that looked so different than them, and as masking any shyness can occur, but in general, the deep thinkers are often quieter I feel, and the quieter ones are usually more vigilant as a protective need and to learn how to survive in this world through analysis of others, and to find happiness and success in this world with/without others.

 

[BradT]

Well this world is a cruel place and that's also why I don't go out of my way and be social. I'm not going to force myself into something I'm not comfortable with doing like going to a bar and talking to random women.

 

[Warmheart]

Those of us on the spectrum tend to have out-of-sync social responses. Like everyone, NTs want to feel competent in social interactions.When NTs encounter someone whose responses are out-of-sync, many will avoid engaging with this person, to avoid having to consciously think through interactions--potentially making mistakes, feeling out-of-sync themselves. People want to feel competent in socially engaging... and we can be hard to figure out! Which means they fear social failure in interacting with us, and that fear may overwhelm their better responses.

Confident NTs however, are more likely to find us mysterious, intriguing, perhaps endearing, sometimes fascinating. Oddly, the same qualities which drive away the socially insecure, are acceptable or even appreciated by those who are confident, strong-but-sensitive.

This is partly a disadvantage (lots of socially insecure people out there), and an advantage (our chosen circles, once we become more selective, will only include those who value our remarkable differences).

I think over time, I myself have learned to build my circle with consideration. Rather than hoping to fit in, I know I was designed to stand out. This is ok to me, because my thoughtfully-chosen circle will have solid, kind, stable people in it I can rely on, who will come to rely on me. Best part of a consciously-chosen circle? They don't just accept my autism, they appreciate it.

Freak? Nope. Unique!

 

[VioletHaze_03]

Well, some people can inherently sense when someone is different. For some, that ability is so strong that they can sense somehing more subtle, like your lack of social skills. I sort of have this sense, but it really depends on the situation. Sometimes it's so strong i can immeadately sniff out who to trust and who is definitely a bad person. Maybe these people see something different about you, and theyre not sure what to think. That might freak them out, causing them to avoid you. It's not your fault, nts can be pretty difficult :>

 

[Maiki]

Some people can be quite shallow, cruel, etc., but I also think MANY people are just clueless. As Dadwith2Autisticsons pointed out-- the most talkative are often the least self-aware, or just least aware, in general. They aren't actively listening or observing, but exist in their own little bubble of self-importance just thinking about what they'll say next--sometimes while they are still talking!

 

[Alaska]

Hi everyone, something just came up in my head, last semester at college, we would have these quizzes and we would do them in groups, even though I participated and talked, I just felt something off. Most of the other members were talking to one another ,except me. Is it possible they sensed something was wrong with me? like I was socially awkward, can neurotypicals sense something is not right with a person who has aspergers even though they don't know you have aspergers? Granted, they talked a lot more than I did, but I felt like they could've included me a lot more. Also, I wore the same clothes to class everyday, because I was lazy and didn't want to search for anything in my closet. I would rewash my shirts and pants everyday and wear them again, maybe they thought that was weird? Can anyone help me out on this?

Yes, wearing the same clothes a lot is considered weird. We do have good company with this. Lots of smart people like to wear the same clothes over and over. I like this also and have picked my clothes so they will dry overnight.

Sometimes it is a strain for me to figure out what to wear and I especially like to wear my most comfortable clothes a lot. I have certain "comfort clothes" that I hate to not wear.

A couple of thinngs make me fight this tendency to constantly wear the same thing. One is that wearing the same clothes too much, wears them out so they fall apart and I lose them. The other is that it is considered weird to constantly wear the same thing. The consequences for being weird this way can be high.

The part of your post about wondering if NTs can sense that Aspies are weird is the hardest for me to talk about. A lot of them can. Part of how NTs bond with each other is based on things Aspies don't do. We don't make eye contact much, if at all. NTs mostly smile a lot more than we do. A lot of us walk funny and move strangely in other ways. Most of us do not talk much. There are many mentions on this site about our strong aversion to small talk and how bad at we are.

Much of this stuff that sets us apart as being weird is a marker like a neon, "Kick me!" sign stuck on us. Lots of us get angry which can be pointless. Lashing out at NTs for such behavior will not change it or make it happen less. The results can be even worse NT behavior.

I have noticed that other species do a lot of the same nasty picking on their oddball group members. Once a flock of hens start pecking on one of their members, they will draw blood or even kill the oddball, unless you remove the oddball for a while.

Runts of the litter have a much lower chance of growing up. The same holds true for other disabled members of a group of animals. We are a lot more like the animals than we like to admit to ourselves and others.

I figured out when I was very young that being an obvious oddball was a good way of becoming a target and aggravating other problems. That seemed like a waste of energy. I found the energy it takes to wear different clothes more often was usually less than dealing with consequences of being an oddball. Being an obvious oddball can block the way to some sorts of goals also. It can amount to a form of self-sabotage.

I haven't bothered to put much energy into fitting in lately, but I am thinking it could block some goals, so I might have to use more of my wardrobe for a while.

 

[BradT]

Also, to be it all, their was this girl in our group who I was wanting to get to know, but my aspergers held me back.I wish their was a cure for this, but I know their is not. I feel miserable at times.

 

[Alaska]

Also, to be it all, their was this girl in our group who I was wanting to get to know, but my aspergers held me back.I wish their was a cure for this, but I know their is not. I feel miserable at times.

No Brad, we can't just cure our Aspergers. We can cure some of the problems that it causes, though. Having unhappy times in the love department happens to almost everyone, Aspie or not. We just have them a little more and a little worse.

I do not think you should let that stop you from finding the Love of Your Life. You can try some nice online dating sites. There are tips on a lot of them to help you out finding someone compatible as well as whole sites that specialize in improving your on-line-dating skills. There are also people who will help you write your bio for online dating, for a fee.

Professional matchmakers also exist. They may charge a hefty fee, but could be worth looking into.

There are services available to improve your appearance. They do things like helping you get a good haircut and a more flattering wardrobe, so you can tackle one piece at a time if the whole thing at once might be overwhelming. For example go to a hair stylist first, then get the advice of a clothes stylist or a department store that offers the service.

Then you can try working on what you have to say and how you say it. There are different ways to approach this. They have crash training courses for this that last from one to several days. I have not felt like I wanted to get crashed, so I go to Toastmasters. They do want to hurry you, but you can take things slow if you want to. Toastmasters has not completely transformed me, but has made a gradual difference in me. I am now able to make eye contact most of the time. I am able to even speak in public in large groups. This has included things like Community and City Council meetings. I have even learned to speak up so I can be heard.

 

[BradT]

No Brad, we can't just cure our Aspergers. We can cure some of the problems that it causes, though. Having unhappy times in the love department happens to almost everyone, Aspie or not. We just have them a little more and a little worse.

I do not think you should let that stop you from finding the Love of Your Life. You can try some nice online dating sites. There are tips on a lot of them to help you out finding someone compatible as well as whole sites that specialize in improving your on-line-dating skills. There are also people who will help you write your bio for online dating, for a fee.

Professional matchmakers also exist. They may charge a hefty fee, but could be worth looking into.

There are services available to improve your appearance. They do things like helping you get a good haircut and a more flattering wardrobe, so you can tackle one piece at a time if the whole thing at once might be overwhelming. For example go to a hair stylist first, then get the advice of a clothes stylist or a department store that offers the service.

Then you can try working on what you have to say and how you say it. There are different ways to approach this. They have crash training courses for this that last from one to several days. I have not felt like I wanted to get crashed, so I go to Toastmasters. They do want to hurry you, but you can take things slow if you want to. Toastmasters has not completely transformed me, but has made a gradual difference in me. I am now able to make eye contact most of the time. I am able to even speak in public in large groups. This has included things like Community and City Council meetings. I have even learned to speak up so I can be heard.

I don't care about dating, i just want to improve my social skills with everyone.

 

[Alaska]

I don't care about dating, i just want to improve my social skills with everyone.

Sorry for misunderstanding. Some of things I mentioned will help with that also. The average NT sizes up a new person in about 2 seconds. That can determine the entire future relationship. You can change some peoples' minds, but it is a hard thing to do.

I wrote a few blog posts about learning body language and microexpressions on my blog here called , "Musings". I include helpful links. Some of them are for learning to recognise the 7 universal microexpressions with actual video samples. You can use the videos to practice.

I thought I was hopeless at microexpressions, but I learned to make eye contact from Toastmasters. Now I can look at people's faces and recognise some microexpressions. I do not catch them often yet, but am doing it more.

This stuff is not easy and it takes a while, but I feel that the effort and time spent are very worthwhile.

 

[BradT]

Thankyou, I'm going to check toastmasters out.

 

[OkRad]

I think they do. Any small social aberation is a cue to them. Bad world we live in

 

[spaceman]

Some people think I'm happy, confident, witty, etc. Others think I'm a creep, or a thief, a sleaze and a weirdo, others find me overwhelmingly extrovert others think I'm an introvert.
I'm all of the above but also none either. Haha I've always struggled lime this. And being in this type scenario is very difficult.

I suppose it depends on what personality type I play out around the group previously. I've I've been forgetful, stupid distant and slow. Then the chances are I won't get out of the tut, and assume they think the negative stuff.

I agree with some of the comments, we spin people out, and when they try to outsmart us they lose. Outdone by spaceman how embarrassing. .. if I'm challenged in the right way, I'm a match mentally and verbally for most people. (Within reason...)

I guess they feel about me, the way I feel about other people in the group. Glad when they go.

 

[BradT]

I guess you can dress nice, look great all you want, but if you don't attempt to talk to any woman, you will be out of luck for the most part as far as relationships go.