It's normal for teenage girls to have arguments with their friends but...

[Misty Avich]

Sorry, I didn't know how else the word the title. Let me explain.
I was 15 when I had finally found myself a group of friends for the first time as an adolescent, and I felt so pleased. But unfortunately they turned out to be very spiteful. I wasn't that sort but I got caught up in all the drama and I was usually the scapegoat and the punchbag. The arguments (that I didn't even start) were over typical teenage things such as boys and a few silly, petty things but still typical of high school girls.
But the teachers kept calling us childish and said that we were like primary school kids. At the time I thought ''well I guess I'm 15 now, I have to grow up.''

But since I became an adult, I've realised that being 15 was a hard age and I have read everywhere (in magazines and on TV documentaries) that a lot of teenage girls around age 12-17 are typically very complain-y and often fall out with each other, talk about each other, compare themselves with each other, and get into complicated dramas.

So if we were being typical teenage girls, why were we lectured and told we were acting like little kids? They worked in a high school, high schoolers are still children, surely they expect that sort of behaviour. I'd understand it if we were adults at work, but we were still kids at school and most 15-year-olds are still immature compared to 20-year-olds.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Because adolescence is a time where you are to condition yourself to take on grown-up responsibilities and behaviors. I am not talking about sex or smoking. I mean things like compassion, employment, studiousness, and economic maturity. It is the time when you are still a child, and allowed to make mistakes in these things, but, you are to continue on the upward path toward adulthood.

Squabbling is childish. Teenagers are notorious for it though. It is age appropriate behavior. However, you are also at an age where you can start to reason for yourself what is right and wrong. What will lead to a better outcome, and what will cause trouble for yourself or others.

If you are "a human punching bag" for a group of girls, I would reason that they are not your real friends. My father gave me this advice as a teenager: "It is better to have no friends, than the wrong kinds of friends."

 

[Outdated]

When she was 12 my eldest niece asked a difficult question - "Why do grown ups always say that boys are easier to raise than girls?". My sister and her friend both looked up at this so under the spotlight I did as best as I could. It's not an easy question to answer in a way suitable for a child.

'Boys go out and get in to trouble, girls stay home and give you headaches.".

My sister and her friend thought this was funny but the niece burst in to tears and ran out of the room.

 

[1ForAll]

Because research says girls brains are supposed to mature earlier, many years before boys, starting around age 10-12. Girls those years or as early teens are supposed to be less impulsive, have better attention, have better organizational skills, cognitive skills and reflect better.

As well, in educational public settings authority figures expect students to abide by their rules, which often means suppression of certain personality traits and freedoms that are more allowed elsewhere (excessive talk, loudness or intense emotion, distractive behaviors, etc.)

Also, as females often tend to have more cognitive empathy and less aggressive tendencies than males, and in many cases are raised to be good, submissive or respectful girls, too, for all these reasons society may put more expectations on them to do the right things for that system, especially at those earlier ages.

 

[Misty Avich]

In a way I found most the boys more mature than some of the girls, as in more reasonable. The boys immaturity peaked around age 12-13, then they actually got kinder when they hit 15. They were silly and often messed about but were kinder to other kids.

I've been watching a documentary online called "Educating Essex" and that showed a lot of girl cliques that were 15-year-olds, and they were the exact same as what my friends were.
Being 15 it wasn't easy to just not be friends with mean people. At my high school you got bullied (by younger kids) if you were seen on your own, so I decided that being bullied by my friends was more bearable than being bullied by kids I didn't know, although still very unpleasant.
It was tough and exhausting having to survive high school solo so when I had finally found these girls I stuck with them. They were outcasts too, but for some reason they seemed to make me the outcast of the outcasts and they joined together.
I was shy around boys so I didn't really want to just go and hang with them, although I found boys a lot easier. All they did was play football or just joke around. The girls just stood gossiping and starting up very complicated cliques and dramas. One minute they were your friends, the next minute they were shooting you dirty looks and whispering to each other about you.

To me it sounds like typical teenage girls but to some of the teachers it sounded like 8-yea-olds.

 

[1ForAll]

In a way I found most the boys more mature than some of the girls, as in more reasonable. The boys immaturity peaked around age 12-13, then they actually got kinder when they hit 15. They were silly and often messed about but were kinder to other kids.

I've been watching a documentary online called "Educating Essex" and that showed a lot of girl cliques that were 15-year-olds, and they were the exact same as what my friends were.
Being 15 it wasn't easy to just not be friends with mean people. At my high school you got bullied (by younger kids) if you were seen on your own, so I decided that being bullied by my friends was more bearable than being bullied by kids I didn't know, although still very unpleasant.
It was tough and exhausting having to survive high school solo so when I had finally found these girls I stuck with them. They were outcasts too, but for some reason they seemed to make me the outcast of the outcasts and they joined together.
I was shy around boys so I didn't really want to just go and hang with them, although I found boys a lot easier. All they did was play football or just joke around. The girls just stood gossiping and starting up very complicated cliques and dramas. One minute they were your friends, the next minute they were shooting you dirty looks and whispering to each other about you.

To me it sounds like typical teenage girls but to some of the teachers it sounded like 8-yea-olds.

I agree with you in ways. I myself define maturity in additional ways that society may overlook. I myself was more comfortable with or trusted guys more in school for many of the reasons you brought up. Girls were being who they were if they did those things, so in that regard they should not have been told they were acting as more childlike. I just see guys as simpler and easier to figure out, and to know whether to approach or avoid.

 

[Luca]

I’m sorry you had this experience. This has been my experience too with most groups of female friends, even as an adult.

I hate to call it “normal,” but it’s typical behavior, although it is definitely immature and annoying.

I keep referencing @Outdated ‘s thread about social hierarchy but it has been relevant to a lot of discussions lately.

 

[Jonn]

So if we were being typical teenage girls, why were we lectured and told we were acting like little kids?

Teachers can say stupid things, also, especially if they are stupid ppl.

 

[Outdated]

Teachers can say stupid things, also, especially if they are stupid ppl.

Just because they're a teacher doesn't mean they're terribly bright, or of good character.

Back in the 70s I had a Social Studies teacher that was a barely functioning alcoholic, a classic chardonnay socialist and a feminist. She told a class full of 14 year olds that women didn't even know that having sex was what got them pregnant until the 1940s.

Screening of who was allowed to teach kids was pretty slack back then I admit, but I don't think it's really improved all that much over the years.

 

[All-Rounder]

Teachers can say stupid things, also, especially if they are stupid ppl.

Corrected it for you, sweetie.

 

[Jonn]

Corrected it for you, sweetie.

Teachers can be ignorant ppl.
Fixed it.

 

[Jonn]

Just because they're a teacher doesn't mean they're terribly bright, or of good character.

It staggers me how some teachers think they can usurp parental responsibilities.
Rather than do what they are employed to do, I.E., the three "R's", they interfere with children's morality/value systems.

 

[Ella Spell]

So if we were being typical teenage girls, why were we lectured and told we were acting like little kids?

Because you were at school, where students are supposed to follow rules so they don't disrupt the teacher or the other students.

 

[betazoid]

Your teachers weren't good at their jobs. They chose to shame you for your behaviour because they either didn't know how to deal with it appropriately or didn't care to.

 

[Misty Avich]

Your teachers weren't good at their jobs. They chose to shame you for your behaviour because they either didn't know how to deal with it appropriately or didn't care to.

On the TV documentary "Educating Essex" the staff there seemed more trained in understanding and dealing with friendship squabbles among both girls and boys, and they were more empathetic and said so themselves that it's a natural part of growing up. I wish the teachers at my school took that into account instead of telling us to grow up and be 20-year-olds.

 

[betazoid]

On the TV documentary "Educating Essex" the staff there seemed more trained in understanding and dealing with friendship squabbles among both girls and boys, and they were more empathetic and said so themselves that it's a natural part of growing up. I wish the teachers at my school took that into account instead of telling us to grow up and be 20-year-olds.

I wish they had too. It's good that you can recognise it now, it's healthy to identify things like this and to say "I deserved better". Because you did deserve better.

I see more and more young (and older) people learning to identify this kind of thing and becoming more emotionally mature people themselves. It give me hope for a better future.