It's been many years since I last came across anyone I could relate at all.

[Swansong]

I have to admit I'm rather lonely and that the limited and distorted social skills that come from being autism adjacent are a big challenge but not an impossible one.

The real hurdle for me is that I just struggle to even picture or imagine what sort of person I would even want to befriend at all.

I look at the people around me and I'll just say I never find anything remotely appealing.

I turn to the Internet, forums such as this one, I lurk in them for months or even years just to see if at any one time I could come across someone that just gives me the slightest feeling that it could be someone I could connect even on a very surface level.

But nope, weirdly enough a decade back I had a few decently close friendships and even several girlfriends so I'm not entirely sure what has changed, perhaps it's just me.

Still, I can't help but to find this whole thing baffling. My brain keeps screaming at me that I'm too lonely and that's harmful, which is true, but... what can you even do in circumstances like this one? obviously that's a rhetorical question, the answer is nothing.

If it was just a matter of me being unappealing then I could work on that, there's a clear goal and you take steps and even if it takes a long while something can be done. But when you're lonely because everyone else just seems to belong to an entirely different species it just seems like something fundamental broke along the way and I'm not sure what.

It's frustrating because I'm not even interested in something too close or personal, I'm not looking for a girlfriend, I'm not looking for some super close friendship, just a basic, polite relationship with someone that at least vaguely speaks my own language, that I could have a chat with once every two weeks to learn about their lives and their thoughts and learn something new or interesting and hopefully offer them in return something remotely positive, even if it's just the desire to listen.

That doesn't sound like an outrageous desire but I may as well be talking about climbing Everest without oxygen while confined to a wheel chair.

It's just baffling because I can't reason my way out of this problem, logic would say that if I can't find a way to like anyone then I should just accept my isolation and move on but I keep suffering side effects from it that are too difficult to live with, then maybe you just got to keep trying until you succeed, yet a decade later it only seems more impossible each day, you just can't keep trying the same thing and hope something magically changes. Perhaps I have a distorted perception of the world and that way I'll never find anyone I could even remotely like, perhaps, but if that's the case and what it takes is basically becoming a different person to get a fundamentally different perspective on the world and others, well, good luck with that.

Ah what an obnoxious problem. Oh well, just wanted to vent a little.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Vent away. If you have read some of my past posts, I've described my existential loneliness as a teen and young adult. For a while, and not feeling a part of my community, I became destructive. But, then I started working on myself to understand the social, and during that, identified what I found desirable for a relationship; values, an accepting and kind personality, and interests. At the time I was involved socially with an outings group and was hoping to meet a woman who enjoyed outdoor activities. Then I met a woman whose career was in helping others, who was very accepting of me, and was wanting to meet a man she could do outdoor activities with. We really hit it off, I was amazed that a woman accepted me, and we continue having adventures.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

Take this for what you will, but I've been following your posts on the forums, and I have felt as if I relate to you. I feel like you tend to think in a sensible and direct way, which is something I can appreciate. I wish you the best, and hope that you can either find someone to have a relationship (including friendship) that fits you both, or that you continue developing your needs in a new direction more conducive for your thoughts.

I wish you the best, and you can feel free to send me a message if you want to chat, thought it's alright if you aren't interested. It might take me some time to respond however.

 

[Au Naturel]

That's not "autism adjacent." That's autism.

 

[AprilR]

I get what you say. They seem like a different species not constantly on surviving mode to appear normal, not constantly tired, and things just come to them naturally.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I have to admit I'm rather lonely and that the limited and distorted social skills that come from being autism adjacent are a big challenge but not an impossible one.

The real hurdle for me is that I just struggle to even picture or imagine what sort of person I would even want to befriend at all.

I look at the people around me and I'll just say I never find anything remotely appealing.

I turn to the Internet, forums such as this one, I lurk in them for months or even years just to see if at any one time I could come across someone that just gives me the slightest feeling that it could be someone I could connect even on a very surface level.

But nope, weirdly enough a decade back I had a few decently close friendships and even several girlfriends so I'm not entirely sure what has changed, perhaps it's just me.

Still, I can't help but to find this whole thing baffling. My brain keeps screaming at me that I'm too lonely and that's harmful, which is true, but... what can you even do in circumstances like this one? obviously that's a rhetorical question, the answer is nothing.

If it was just a matter of me being unappealing then I could work on that, there's a clear goal and you take steps and even if it takes a long while something can be done. But when you're lonely because everyone else just seems to belong to an entirely different species it just seems like something fundamental broke along the way and I'm not sure what.

It's frustrating because I'm not even interested in something too close or personal, I'm not looking for a girlfriend, I'm not looking for some super close friendship, just a basic, polite relationship with someone that at least vaguely speaks my own language, that I could have a chat with once every two weeks to learn about their lives and their thoughts and learn something new or interesting and hopefully offer them in return something remotely positive, even if it's just the desire to listen.

That doesn't sound like an outrageous desire but I may as well be talking about climbing Everest without oxygen while confined to a wheel chair.

It's just baffling because I can't reason my way out of this problem, logic would say that if I can't find a way to like anyone then I should just accept my isolation and move on but I keep suffering side effects from it that are too difficult to live with, then maybe you just got to keep trying until you succeed, yet a decade later it only seems more impossible each day, you just can't keep trying the same thing and hope something magically changes. Perhaps I have a distorted perception of the world and that way I'll never find anyone I could even remotely like, perhaps, but if that's the case and what it takes is basically becoming a different person to get a fundamentally different perspective on the world and others, well, good luck with that.

Ah what an obnoxious problem. Oh well, just wanted to vent a little.

It is ok it is really hard as an autistic to find a single person to vent to and talk to who can be supportive and understand.
As a women I have struggled to both from the men and women in my life.
Idk it is puzzling
As a woman I have found it hard to let go of the nurturing a child would receive and realise as an adult and woman it may not be the same. This has really screwed up my life when I have suffered so much other trauma.
I do not understand once you are a women you may no longer need that amount of nurturing the same.
So therefore your natural role would be to nurture others such as nieces, your kids if you had them.
And if you have no one to nurture you then how does it come out of nowhere.
So it is hard that is why I grieve strong women influences particularly a mother influence that impacted me and supported and nurtured me.
Hope you find what you need as well. Autistics will find it harder to make connection more than others it is hard