"It's because I'm autistic" vs "Don't expect all autistic people to be the same."

[Nervous Rex]

The two statements in the title are statements I've made at different times, but I feel like they contradict each other or send mixed messages.

I might say I have trouble recognizing faces, processing emotions, coping with lack of sleep, etc. because I'm autistic. It's a true statement - those are all effects of autism that I deal with.

But then I often find myself saying, "Well, that's just one person. Don't expect all autistic people to be like that." A real example I've used is "Being 'great at math' is a stereotype. I do happen to be good at it, but not all autistic people are."

Do you see a conflict between those two statements?

How can I reconcile them? Do I always just say, "Well, for me it's like this...." or "I'm autistic and the way that affects me is ..."

Maybe it depends on how much the other person is willing to listen to a longer explanation - which is almost never.

 

[Judge]

Maybe it depends on how much the other person is willing to listen to a longer explanation - which is almost never.

IMO that would closer to the reality of the situation.

* There are a few who will want to understand and succeed.
* There will be a few who want to understand and fail.
* And most who will default to insisting or demanding that you should conform to their behavior.

Maybe the real value is in not using either expression around those who you are unsure as to how much of autism they understand, or are capable of understanding.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Maybe the real value is in not using either expression around those who you are unsure as to how much of autism they understand, or are capable of understanding.

That makes sense. Don't muddy the waters. I can always say, "That's just me" without invoking autism.

 

[Gritches]

I can always say, "That's just me" without invoking autism.

Nail on head. People seem to respond better to "oh I've got this thing where I have to..." as opposed to a brief lecture about autism. People don't like being lectured for any reason.

I've found that people, provided they aren't complete jerks, tend to be fairly accommodating when I just say that "I've got this thing" and briefly explain what it is I need - rather than using the A-word, which nobody knows what to do with.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Maybe the real value is in not using either expression around those who you are unsure as to how much of autism they understand, or are capable of understanding.

It reminds me of a quote a friend of mine told me last week: "When you're explaining, you're losing."

...which I take to mean, if you have to explain something (or yourself), you've already lost your audience. As you pointed out, most people won't sit through an explanation.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

I would just say "My autism affects me in this way, but every autistic has different limits and capabilities."

Or

"It's because have autism, but this does not affect all autistics; just some."

 

[Fino]

Very interesting!

If you did want to mention Autism, I think maybe the simplest thing would be to imagine a list of, say, 50 characteristic of Autism, and you have, say, 20 of them. So 20 out of the 50, you would say, "it's because I'm autistic," and the other 30, "not all autistic people." And that would make them not contradicting, I think.

But I like the ideas of not mentioning it, and now that I think about, I've always done that. I've only ever told a handful of people about autism and everyone else I still do what I want, but they just see it as an eccentricity and think of it as something I do. Since people generally know nothing about Autism, their conclusion is usually just "weird," and not necessarily in a negative way.

 

[the_tortoise]

Do you see a conflict between those two statements?

No.

Explaining how autism affects you, personally, does not contradict the fact that the presentation of autism is extremely varied amongh individuals.

 

[Ezra]

I usually always specify it being my autism. How my autism affects me. But that's me.

 

[Progster]

How can I reconcile them? Do I always just say, "Well, for me it's like this...." or "I'm autistic and the way that affects me is ..."

I would say something like "I'm autistic and one way it affects me is..." No conflict - everybody's autism is different and unique to them in how it affects them.