Is this guy into me or just friendly?

[Ice Blue Deer]

Hi everyone, I have a question. I'm just very curious.

There is this guy at my group therapy, him and his therapist suspect he has autism. I am almost sure he has it, but I can't say for sure of course.

When we started talking, we got along pretty well. I think he's a funny, different and interesting person. Now I was wondering if it could be that he's into me. I have a boyfriend so I'm not looking for someone, but I'm really curious what his behavior means. Of course nobody can read his mind, I can't, you can't, but... I guess I should just interpret these things as friendly gestures? On the second day of therapy (I had only known him for 2 days) we walked towards the train, we had some time left to wait. He wanted to eat something and me too, so we went to the Burger King. He bought me an ice cream. He also complimented me on my ring and my hair one day, and he called me the 'princess' of the building where our therapy takes place, because I knew a lot of people there. He also once said: 'did you know that these roses are used for making cocaine?' I said I thought it was interesting. The next week he had plucked one of these roses, put it in a carton coffee 'mug' and said 'this is for you!' I thought that was really sweet. Also, he sits very close to me when sitting next to him and talking at lunch (a bit too close for what is considered 'socially acceptable'). He also said to the group and therapists, that he was afraid that while telling his story he was staring too much at me. He seems to keep a little bit more distance and holding less eye contact lately, though. I'm interpreting this as friendliness because I don't want to make wrong assumptions, but what do you think?

I just find insignificant little things like this really interesting somehow.

 

[Cali Cat]

As you know, it would be difficult to give a definitive answer here.

He sounds like a nice enough fellow. He may just feel some camaraderie with you, and saying flowery things is just how he communicates with women. I've known guys like that. He may just admire you in some way. Then, again, he may have some slight interest. Does he know you have a boyfriend?

I wouldn't pay too much attention to it if you already have a boyfriend. I'd just treat him as a friend and not give him any indication that you're interested in him as more than a friend. Some guys just feel more comfortable in friendships with females, and maybe he actually thinks you're a safe bet if he does know you're already taken.

Not much help probably, but it's hard to figure people out firsthand, let alone secondhand.

 

[Judge]

Also, he sits very close to me when sitting next to him and talking at lunch (a bit too close for what is considered 'socially acceptable').

I can only relate my own point of view, whether or not it reflects common traits and behaviors relative to those on the spectrum of autism. That said, I usually maintain a certain degree of personal space from most anyone. But if I maintain a distance that would be construed as "a bit too close for what is considered socially acceptable"...that would be my queue to reflect interest. Of course it could be anywhere from a very meaningful friendship to love and affection. I just don't let people into my orbit so easily. So when I do, it really means something.

There is your quandary. Assuming of course that he is on the spectrum. Many of us take basic friendship quite seriously- and deeply. It could be just that and no more. Then again it may be much more. With people like myself, you really never know other than to just let things take their course.

However in your case having a boyfriend skews the whole equation. Have you ever mentioned him at all? Under the circumstances it might be helpful to mention him casually...and pay attention to his reaction. Make it all clear so he knows there are boundaries. If he respects those boundaries then maybe you just have a very pleasant friendship. If he doesn't, you have a problem. So does he.

 

[Sylar]

It's hard to tell with that kind of thing even when the people involved aren't on the spectrum. Reading your point of view it looks like he could be into you, but the last part of your post about him holding back could suggest that he really does just wants to be friends and realised he was being too invasive.

All I can say is continue as you are for now and see what happens. If you like the guy and enjoy his company as a friend you don't want to bring it up and make things awkward. If he doesn't already know, casually bring up your boyfriend and that should be enough to send a message.

The only way you'll ever know for sure is if he brings it up, at which point you'll have to let him down gently.