Is there any hope for me?

[Markness]

My therapist thinks I need to accept being single and turn my focus towards other things. It’s a hard pill for me to swallow but I suppose I need to really internalize her advice because a part of me realizes constantly resisting the present moment has not been helping me for many years now.

 

[Markness]

Well, I re-activated my old OkCupid account and a woman from a town 18 messaged me!

EDIT: Well, I spoke too soon. Her conversation with me disappeared off the app and I can’t find her name on there anymore. Please let this year be over already.

 

[Markness]

I feel totally sick and drained now. I haven’t changed since I was 17.

 

[Markness]

Is it time to just accept love is just not for me and to either just keep masochistically living or commit suicide?

 

[Esa]

Is there any hope for me in getting a relationship? I just can’t stop feeling like I have no hope and that I am going to be alone until I die. I tried using dating apps for the last few months but they were unproductive endeavors. People I know are either getting married or having kids while I can’t even get a date. I am 32 and the pain of loneliness just keeps getting stronger.

What do you actually want? That’s something most people fail to answer truthfully. Aiming for a relationship just for the sake of not being alone can backfire easily. Many people are lonely even in relationships.

I also think maybe you should focus on making friends and enjoying all meaningful human interactions. That’s what we all really want, right?

 

[Esa]

Is it time to just accept love is just not for me and to either just keep masochistically living or commit suicide?

Do you watch any TED Talks? They aren’t all great but there are really good ones, which I’m sure will be more helpful for you to change your perspective a little. I get the frustration and despair but most couples aren’t happy. That actually reminds me of this genius comedian from Scotland, his name is Daniel Sloss. I think everyone should see X, jigsaw and dark. All quite brilliant. Best to postpone suicide at least until you’ve seen these three stand-up shows of Sloss.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Is there any hope for me in getting a relationship? I just can’t stop feeling like I have no hope and that I am going to be alone until I die. I tried using dating apps for the last few months but they were unproductive endeavors. People I know are either getting married or having kids while I can’t even get a date. I am 32 and the pain of loneliness just keeps getting stronger.

Partners are like buses, they come when you don't want them and don't when you do.
The best way is not to look but to engage with people who enjoy the things you do and let things happen naturally.
The people I met in pubs werent the right ones as unbeknownst to me, pubs werent my thing.
Dating apps are full of all sorts of people with all sorts of intestests, some shallow just looking for fun others not so.
I would hone it down to joining online or offline clubs with people you have things in common with.
Don't try to hard, go online or offline to whatever interests you, make friends with both sexes and you never know, you might very well end up with someone who is special without even having to try.
The problem is when we try to hard.
For me, trying to hard to have a partner resulted in bad relationships.

 

[Markness]

What do you actually want? That’s something most people fail to answer truthfully. Aiming for a relationship just for the sake of not being alone can backfire easily. Many people are lonely even in relationships.

I also think maybe you should focus on making friends and enjoying all meaningful human interactions. That’s what we all really want, right?

I want to be loved and to love someone in return.

I struggle to make even platonic friendships. I just don’t fit in socially.

 

[Markness]

Do you watch any TED Talks? They aren’t all great but there are really good ones, which I’m sure will be more helpful for you to change your perspective a little. I get the frustration and despair but most couples aren’t happy. That actually reminds me of this genius comedian from Scotland, his name is Daniel Sloss. I think everyone should see X, jigsaw and dark. All quite brilliant. Best to postpone suicide at least until you’ve seen these three stand-up shows of Sloss.

I don’t and I honestly find it hard to laugh at comedians unless I watch their programs along with someone but I am alone most of the time.

 

[Kalinychta]

Most of us here understand loneliness and depression, but I think your therapist is right: at least for now, you need to just chill out and accept that you are single. Most women are extremely turned off by desperation, so you’re shooting yourself in the foot with your Eeyore “woe is me” attitude. Find other things to put your time and energy and focus into, things that will enrich your life and improve your attitude.

 

[Markness]

Most of us here understand loneliness and depression, but I think your therapist is right: at least for now, you need to just chill out and accept that you are single. Most women are extremely turned off by desperation, so you’re shooting yourself in the foot with your Eeyore “woe is me” attitude. Find other things to put your time and energy and focus into, things that will enrich your life and improve your attitude.

Have you replied to me before?

What should I do or think when I get reminders of my singlehood? I was just told by a family friend her son got married while I didn’t even get a date this year. How can I feel like I can eventually say “Yes!” instead of “No...” when I am asked if I have a relationship?

 

[Kalinychta]

What should I do or think when I get reminders of my singlehood? I was just told by a family friend her son got married while I didn’t even get a date this year. How can I feel like I can eventually say “Yes!” instead of “No...” when I am asked if I have a relationship?

Speak with your therapist about focusing your sessions on breaking obsessive thought patterns and re-directing your focus to healthier pursuits.

 

[Markness]

Speak with your therapist about focusing your sessions on breaking obsessive thought patterns and re-directing your focus to healthier pursuits.

I just really hope some day I can say I beat my shyness and anxiety and finally found love after feeling like it was denied to me for so many years. I want to at least have one long term relationship before I die.

 

[Kalinychta]

I just really hope some day I can say I beat my shyness and anxiety and finally found love after feeling like it was denied to me for so many years. I want to at least have one long term relationship before I die.

I hope you do, too. But you have to make some changes.

 

[Esa]

I don’t and I honestly find it hard to laugh at comedians unless I watch their programs along with someone but I am alone most of the time.

Daniel Sloss is not a typical comedian.
The purpose of watching him isn’t just entertainment.

I recommend the things I recommend to help people see different perspectives.

People are lonely, they probably will always will be, even when the degree of their loneliness will not be the same.

Sounds like you want a quick fix like we’d all want to all of our problems and miseries. But that’s not very realistic. Neither is looking for a relationship on dating sites.

In my experience, the things that’s always blocked me from building relationships (any kind of) was that I was too overwhelmed some intense feelings at the time. Think of it this way, when you are reacting to something or avoiding something it’s not easy to look around and take in what you see. It’s not even always possible to see what’s in front of you. We won’t get answers or solutions while we are lashing out at life or busy being miserable about how unfortunate we are. That’s why we need different opinions and angles.

I don’t know what else you were hoping to find here. I hope nothing like those magazine articles about how to get a partner or how to lock one in.

 

[Markness]

I hope you do, too. But you have to make some changes.

I just hope it won’t take another 14 years.

 

[Markness]

I hope you do, too. But you have to make some changes.

Do you still feel this way or have you changed your mind?

 

[Aspychata]

Volunteer at animal shelters. Great way to meet people. Some people have success with POF website. Some people have met others thru there friends. Keep going out. Keep doing things to build your confidence. Keep living your passion.

 

[Markness]

Volunteer at animal shelters. Great way to meet people. Some people have success with POF website. Some people have met others thru there friends. Keep going out. Keep doing things to build your confidence. Keep living your passion.

I’ve been told to go that route but I get scared of being scratched or bitten by a rescue pet. I also never see or hear anyone who is well-known socially or has decent social skills doing volunteer work.

I tried POF for a whole summer and I didn’t get even a message response. It was my first attempt at dating sites and it colored my perception of them negatively.

I do wonder why my friends who are NT don’t introduce me to anyone. They have so many social connections and I have told them I want a relationship but nothing comes from telling them.

How long would I have to live a passion before it brings a relationship in my life? For many years, I tried to be passionate about certain things but they didn’t lead to relationships. Some of them even led to others hurting me instead.

 

[Aspychata]

l am a little confused. You are trying to meet someone who is well-known socially? Or has decent social skills? The cat rescue place here has a a lot of very socially adept volunteers. It seems to me you have very high standards. Are you well-know socially? Do you have decent social skills? You over- ask when you are here saying you feel socially inadept.
Dating sites are a learning process, you need to go with the intention of meeting a friend first. Some people meet somebody right away. Others may never meet someone. Then maybe it may develop more or you just stay really great friends. You need to pursue a passion so that you draw more interesting people and possibly someone to date. Also your passion may generate income. Too me, it feels you expect woman to drop out of the sky and land on you.