Is it obvious that you are aspergic

[Suzanne]

I ask, because very recently, saw a video where a chap has turned his home, into a paradise for his cat and read that he was diagnosed with aspergers. To be honest, it was pretty obvious he was handicapped and that made me think: Ok, so if that is the case, then, I cannot have aspergers because I look normal.

Yes, it is worrying me, because, at last, I feel free (to a certain extent), less alien.

I do fear that I am a fraud, especially as I have decided to not get officially diagnosed, for I want those who know me, to take my word for it. My husband, at last said that he believes me and so, nth at is good enough for me, but if one is supposed to look handicapped, then, I have to think again.

In nearly all areas, I fit like a glove, but for looking normal

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I don't believe we have to be stereotypes to be real, and I don't believe we have to meet other people's expectations to be genuine. "To thine own self be true, and as the night follows the day, thou canst betray no man."--Shakespeare.

That said, "feeling like a fraud" is very, very common in successful women at work, also. It's irrational, but the false belief is more real than their real achievements.

I believe you're aspie. But then, I believe I'm aspie, and we have very close scores on neurodiversity

 

[King_Oni]

Not everyone on the spectrum is an "extreme" case... yes, there are those, like that guy you saw, and I'm quite sure a psychologist will deem him extreme. If I have to believe my diagnosis, I'm on the far end of the spectrum and for intents and purposes considered... well, at least I'm not mild. Extreme is a stretch as well, but I'm at the high end toward extreme. Yet, I have my own peculiarities that set me off from NT's, but just as much set me off from plenty of aspies. I think it falls in line with what Aspergirl4hire says about stereotypes.

If anything, from being on this forum for a few years now, I've seen so many different people all diagnosed with Asperger's that I find it hard to define an aspie as such. I mean, yes I can pick them out of the crowd quite often, but still.. .I reckon those are the more extreme cases as well. Some people I've known from places I didn't know where on the spectrum only to read up about it eventually, but they also pointed out they're "mild", but still... they do have a diagnosis for whatever reason.

As for the test Aspiegirl4hire points out, I guess it's a fair point looking at those scores and seeing how you both compare to each other, but it is an online test, which is to be taken with a grain of salt. Yet I also think that it's worth noting, since many official tests are quite similar to those online and a diagnosis at some point feels like a repeat excercise, just on actual paper and a professional around.

But really, I don't know if you should compare yourself to one of those extreme cases, if we'd all go on that, it would become a contest. "I'm more aspie than thou" and I don't know if we're really looking for that, since it benefits no one. Be yourself and deal with things the way you do, if that sets off against the way the NT norm would deal with it you might very well be an aspie, just a mild one in a sense. There's nothing wrong with that... no one said that we all have to be exceptional and have high AQ scores to be part of this community or the autism community globally.

 

[Suzanne]

I don't believe we have to be stereotypes to be real, and I don't believe we have to meet other people's expectations to be genuine. "To thine own self be true, and as the night follows the day, thou canst betray no man."--Shakespeare.

That said, "feeling like a fraud" is very, very common in successful women at work, also. It's irrational, but the false belief is more real than their real achievements.

I believe you're aspie. But then, I believe I'm aspie, and we have very close scores on neurodiversity

Thank you for responding so fast☺

I agree about stereotyping, but to a certain extent, surely that does apply in some areas? I mean: a down syndrome person, is always going to look that way, no matter how mild etc.

Do people automatically recognise there is something "not right about you"? It is true, that once I start talking, I get: what the heck, from their eyes, but I honestly do look normal ie not as though I have a handicap.

Out of curiosity, other than my results, what convinces you I am an aspie?

 

[Suzanne]

Not everyone on the spectrum is an "extreme" case... yes, there are those, like that guy you saw, and I'm quite sure a psychologist will deem him extreme. If I have to believe my diagnosis, I'm on the far end of the spectrum and for intents and purposes considered... well, at least I'm not mild. Extreme is a stretch as well, but I'm at the high end toward extreme. Yet, I have my own peculiarities that set me off from NT's, but just as much set me off from plenty of aspies. I think it falls in line with what Aspergirl4hire says about stereotypes.

If anything, from being on this forum for a few years now, I've seen so many different people all diagnosed with Asperger's that I find it hard to define an aspie as such. I mean, yes I can pick them out of the crowd quite often, but still.. .I reckon those are the more extreme cases as well. Some people I've known from places I didn't know where on the spectrum only to read up about it eventually, but they also pointed out they're "mild", but still... they do have a diagnosis for whatever reason.

As for the test Aspiegirl4hire points out, I guess it's a fair point looking at those scores and seeing how you both compare to each other, but it is an online test, which is to be taken with a grain of salt. Yet I also think that it's worth noting, since many official tests are quite similar to those online and a diagnosis at some point feels like a repeat excercise, just on actual paper and a professional around.

But really, I don't know if you should compare yourself to one of those extreme cases, if we'd all go on that, it would become a contest. "I'm more aspie than thou" and I don't know if we're really looking for that, since it benefits no one. Be yourself and deal with things the way you do, if that sets off against the way the NT norm would deal with it you might very well be an aspie, just a mild one in a sense. There's nothing wrong with that... no one said that we all have to be exceptional and have high AQ scores to be part of this community or the autism community globally.

Actually, I had considered that there are those who are high up on the spectrum. I thought I was quite low actually, but since joining this forum, I see that I am quite high on the spectrum, which I am fine with. Although, it does get incredibly frustrating, especially being too sensitive and chronically social phobic

 

[King_Oni]

Actually, I had considered that there are those who are high up on the spectrum. I thought I was quite low actually, but since joining this forum, I see that I am quite high on the spectrum, which I am fine with. Although, it does get incredibly frustrating, especially being too sensitive and chronically social phobic

Being too sensitive and chronic phobias might be among the reasons why people hate to be on the autism spectrum. So it's not weird that you find it frustrating. I think everyone has at least a trait that can be linked to his/her autism that they rather not have, or in worst case, just would make them wish they weren't neurodiverse.

 

[Progster]

I often feel like this and even though I have an official diagnosis, I worry that I'm too 'normal' to be an aspie. Actually, it worries me a lot. I read around forums, and on websites and it often seems to me that others have much more extreme traits, are more eccentric, more intelligent, and generally more obviously aspie. And yet, according to the psychiatrist who diagnosed me, I'm a 'moderate' case. When I told my mum that I was sure that this was wrong, that I'm a mild case, her reply was "there's nothing mild about you!" which really made me think that I have no idea how others perceive me at all, and perhaps I appear more aspie than I think I am.

What it comes down to is that AS is a condition with a set of core traits, overlayed with other factors such as personalilty, environmental circumstances, upbringing and a whole wide range of characteristics which are factored in to make the person who they are. Asperger's involves a whole range of secondary traits which are mainly a result of the core traits, and these can vary enormously from person to person, as a person's coping mechanisms will also very and affect how they come across. One person may stim a lot, another not so much - but because a person doesn't stim it doesn't mean that they can't have AS, it may mean that they are more able to surpress the urge to stim in public, or have other coping mechanisms for anxiety that work for them. It truly is a spectrum, no two people with AS are the same. When a person with AS reaches adulthood, especially later on into adulthood, they have probably built up a catalogue of coping mechanisms which they use to overcome and hide the limitations or affects of their AS, so to the outside world they appear 'normal'. I also think that many of the more extreme cases also have other issues or learning difficulties besides AS which affect their ability to function.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to what's in the media, as the media are looking for sensation and will pick out the more extreme cases which aren't an accurate representation of people with AS as a whole. I think you'll find that most aspies live fairly normal, fairly mundane lives - most are fairly independent, they are students, may or may not work, run businesses, have spouses and families, etc - certainly they aren't all eccentrics building their house to accommodate their cats.

 

[Cerulean]

I do in some contexts. I used to work at an elementary school in an autism-specific classroom- there I looked normal. I currently work at a software company with other geeks and aspies- here I look normal. But if you put me somewhere like a bar (social issues) or sporting event (sensory issues) it's going to be pretty obvious I'm not quite like the others.

 

[Kari Suttle]

I think in certain contexts, yes it is obvious. At work at the grocery store and in any sort of public place where i'm expected to socialize. I honestly wouldn't be suprised if a supervisor or two doesn't suspect me at this point. At my other job babysitting and at home not so much, I can pass for just odd there.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Sometimes a well practiced facade backfires on you like that. When I went to ITT Tech to pursue a programming degree, the head of the programming department and my rep both said I was too social for programming and I'd not do well spending an hour looking for one missing semi-colon. Talk about having somebody fooled!

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Thank you for responding so fast☺

I agree about stereotyping, but to a certain extent, surely that does apply in some areas? I mean: a down syndrome person, is always going to look that way, no matter how mild etc.

Do people automatically recognise there is something "not right about you"? It is true, that once I start talking, I get: what the heck, from their eyes, but I honestly do look normal ie not as though I have a handicap.

Out of curiosity, other than my results, what convinces you I am an aspie?

Your belief that you are. I trust you to know yourself, and I get that from your accumulated posts. Also, I agree with King Oni's point, and I surely wasn't inviting "competition"--it just seemed like an easy comparison, since we both provide the data. But a free test is worth what I paid for it! (sadly, some very expensive tests were not worth what I paid for them...)

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Oh, and yes, people do, over time, notice there is something "not right"--I don't respond to small talk, family discussions, I don't reciprocate if I think an information exchange violates my privacy or makes me feel vulnerable or would just make me talk when I'm having one of my "mute moments." And I can miss completely what my emotions are and show no reaction when a reaction is warranted. I have a book with me everywhere I go. And when I do make conversation, it goes deep, quickly...I don't lack for perception, and I don't notice that I've said something that the other person thought was hidden. I got the data, but I missed the cue for social appropriateness.

 

[Jacob Morrison]

Most people probably don't think I have anything wrong. Most people likely just think I'm socially awkward. Only the people that truly know me understand my other issues (apathy, etc.) so I doubt anyone probably suspects I have AS. I'm very secretive about telling people I have it other than my closest friends whom understand and are smart enough to realize what AS is. (My best friend has a cousin with it so he understands.)

 

[Jacob Morrison]

I often feel like this and even though I have an official diagnosis, I worry that I'm too 'normal' to be an aspie. Actually, it worries me a lot. I read around forums, and on websites and it often seems to me that others have much more extreme traits, are more eccentric, more intelligent, and generally more obviously aspie. And yet, according to the psychiatrist who diagnosed me, I'm a 'moderate' case. When I told my mum that I was sure that this was wrong, that I'm a mild case, her reply was "there's nothing mild about you!" which really made me think that I have no idea how others perceive me at all, and perhaps I appear more aspie than I think I am.

What it comes down to is that AS is a condition with a set of core traits, overlayed with other factors such as personalilty, environmental circumstances, upbringing and a whole wide range of characteristics which are factored in to make the person who they are. Asperger's involves a whole range of secondary traits which are mainly a result of the core traits, and these can vary enormously from person to person, as a person's coping mechanisms will also very and affect how they come across. One person may stim a lot, another not so much - but because a person doesn't stim it doesn't mean that they can't have AS, it may mean that they are more able to surpress the urge to stim in public, or have other coping mechanisms for anxiety that work for them. It truly is a spectrum, no two people with AS are the same. When a person with AS reaches adulthood, especially later on into adulthood, they have probably built up a catalogue of coping mechanisms which they use to overcome and hide the limitations or affects of their AS, so to the outside world they appear 'normal'. I also think that many of the more extreme cases also have other issues or learning difficulties besides AS which affect their ability to function.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to what's in the media, as the media are looking for sensation and will pick out the more extreme cases which aren't an accurate representation of people with AS as a whole. I think you'll find that most aspies live fairly normal, fairly mundane lives - most are fairly independent, they are students, may or may not work, run businesses, have spouses and families, etc - certainly they aren't all eccentrics building their house to accommodate their cats.

I have the same thing. No kidding. I had no clue about mine until my parents were in a situation where they were basically forced to tell me I had it.

 

[Balkan1996]

It's obvious I'm kinda weird, not 'aspergic'. 99% of people never heard of Asperger's syndrome.

 

[epath13]

I ask, because very recently, saw a video where a chap has turned his home, into a paradise for his cat and read that he was diagnosed with aspergers. To be honest, it was pretty obvious he was handicapped and that made me think: Ok, so if that is the case, then, I cannot have aspergers because I look normal.

Yes, it is worrying me, because, at last, I feel free (to a certain extent), less alien.

I do fear that I am a fraud, especially as I have decided to not get officially diagnosed, for I want those who know me, to take my word for it. My husband, at last said that he believes me and so, nth at is good enough for me, but if one is supposed to look handicapped, then, I have to think again.

In nearly all areas, I fit like a glove, but for looking normal

Handicapped? anywho, I thought the guy seemed pretty nice and I wouldn't mind to have something like that in my house. As for being non-obvious, I think Autism is such a complex disorder that it's hard to fit it in a small symptomatic box. But there're some important aspects of it that, I believe, need to be present, like social, sensory, information processing and executive functioning. If you have symptoms associated with Autism on some level, and if those symptoms are not caused by other conditions there's a chance you are in the spectrum, regardless of how you may appear to others or yourself.

 

[inabox]

I ask, because very recently, saw a video where a chap has turned his home, into a paradise for his cat and read that he was diagnosed with aspergers. To be honest, it was pretty obvious he was handicapped and that made me think: Ok, so if that is the case, then, I cannot have aspergers because I look normal.

Yes, it is worrying me, because, at last, I feel free (to a certain extent), less alien.

I do fear that I am a fraud, especially as I have decided to not get officially diagnosed, for I want those who know me, to take my word for it. My husband, at last said that he believes me and so, nth at is good enough for me, but if one is supposed to look handicapped, then, I have to think again.

In nearly all areas, I fit like a glove, but for looking normal

I think that because the autistic spectrum is so diverse (it is a spectrum after all) there are so many different types of people who can be found to fit somewhere on it. I do not think you have to look handicapped. There's a thread about famous people with aspergers. there's quite a few, and there will be more who don't want it to be made public or who do know know themselves. So it doesn't mean people have to be handicapped to fir the description. Everyone is different.
Especially as there seems to be some difficulty in diagnosing females (not sure why, I can't remember). I am a female and have had a late diagnosis (age 18) after many wrong diagnosis which were completely wrong. It does not matter how you present, or how aspie or how non-aspie you appear. Not everyone shows their true self anyway and it may also depend on how well they can "fake it" as to how much others think they are NT.

I'd say, just be you. I believe the first thing you have to do to get people to be accept you and believe you to not be a fraud in any aspect of life is to accept yourself. If someone has not done anything horrendously wrong, there is no reason why they should not accept themselves. No body is perfect and everybody is different. And that is exactly how they should be seen.

Do not accept someone (including yourself!) trying to cram you into a box.

....They're just my views on it.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Do not accept someone (including yourself!) trying to cram you into a box.

Then what are you doing in a box, inabox?

 

[inabox]

I have been put in my box.
Against my will. It was like putting a ferrel cat into a basket when it knows its going to the vets.

 

[Judge]

It's doubtful. Only because I'd say overwhelmingly that even when I may occasionally be exhibiting any number of overt Aspie traits or behaviors, the people around me are likely to not have a clue about anyone on the spectrum of autism.