• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Is it a bad thing if I feel because my low self esteem that I feel I should have praise, sympathy or encouragement due to my illness?

Status
Not open for further replies.
Amethystgirl said:
I'm just not a happy woman. I never graduated properly from high school, never went to college or university, I'm middle aged and I don't have a paid job, I don't have tons of friends off the internet, I would like more money, I'm just not happy with the way my life is. And there's no law saying someone has to have good self esteem.
Click to expand...

An explanation of "unmet expectations" seems to tie right into your sentiments. No question that society tends to push all sorts of judgments on everyone whether they can meet them or not:

"Setting unrealistic expectations for yourself can be a big source of self dislike. When you push yourself to be perfect or meet impossible standards failure is almost guaranteed. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self criticism especially when societal pressure is involved.

Societal expectations set benchmarks for success, owning a home by a certain age, achieving a certain career milestone or having a certain body image. Statistics from the American Psychological Association show that societal pressure contributes significantly to stress and negative self perception especially in younger adults. For example the pressure to have a thriving career by your late 20s or early 30s can be immense and when unmet leads to harsh self judgement."

Why Don't I Like Myself? Understanding Self-Dislike
 
Amethystgirl said:
Self esteem is too complicated. I don't want to bother.
Click to expand...

The important thing I see is what you truly think about yourself. Not society or the masses who often have predetermined, conventional points of view that are often prejudiced to begin with.

As if "one size fits all". It doesn't.
 
Amethystgirl said:
So what my folks think about me matters. It does to me!
Click to expand...

It always did for me too.

Though on occasion it really hurt, but I always respected there points of view and life experiences. Though I certainly did have my share of disagreements in terms of where I wanted to go in life.
 
I say this often on this forum:

Trust and Comfort. Those two things are what we all do best with......or do our worst without. Everyone knows this. Everyone knew it long before I even came around here and put it into "words" more or less. It's why folks here are so quick to show they "care" about others....about simply even the struggles of others. No one here is intent to throwing pity parties, sympathy pep rallies, baby (coddle) showers or the like. We don't champion entitlement. We support efforts and earning progress and achievements individually because we know that we all have to find our processes that work for us....and we absolutely know that it helps to care and positively reinforce what others can and truly do want for themselves. We all want to be better and do better. Sometimes we can get there faster, easier or more so on our own. Sometimes we have a grinder of a journey to slog through or can only achieve small steps forward (all things in due time). Either way, it helps to know that people care about your progress.

Take your time. Bear with our caring ways. Share when you want. We'll try to earn your trust and comfort. You will find your own, as well.
 
Amethystgirl said:
I'm just not a happy woman. I never graduated properly from high school, never went to college or university, I'm middle aged and I don't have a paid job, I don't have tons of friends off the internet, I would like more money, I'm just not happy with the way my life is. And there's no law saying someone has to have good self esteem.
Click to expand...
Do you think that having low self esteem could possibly be a part of all the things in your life that you've just described? If so, have you tried participating in some individual psychotherapy in order to get some help with your self concept?
JayCee said:
spent a major part of my life being this way , and it did not serve my well being, I later on learned. Did read lots of self help books. Had grown up , listening from the my family ,
Things that did not fit . Recognizing a significant amount of severe Hypocrasy was being used in people whom had abused me since I was tiny . And a book "The power of Positive Thinking" helped my perspective in my situation . but when I hear compliments, due to experiences,caused me to not believe anyone complimenting me. Thought their was scam
or Gaslighting going on. And this was my default go to impression of peoples praise . It cost me alot of potential friendships at a very formative time in my life. But it seemed it was protecting me from further abuse . But eventually thought the only persons opinion that matters is only my own about myself . Later years , had gone through much repression and auto accidents . That left me pretty disabled for years , and spinal cord issues .Chronic pain . But even on Tele and things I had read,saw people doing extraordinary things with their bodies. So I did not limit my ability to recover .cause if another human can do that . I should be able to try to recover as much as I can. And it took years but I walk unassisted now. And have lived another 40 years since then . But facts are what they are."Here I am," And I learned to accept compliments graciously But never let it go to my head. But now I realise things thst I lived through,I should give myself some credit. That mindset and many experiences bad and good allowed me to move forward in. later life. Best Wishes in your own journey of self perception
Click to expand...
A great and optimistic post, JayCee!
 
Amethystgirl said:
Thank you for your kind words Fagan. But just because people care about my progress doesn't mean they are my friends because I don't know anyone here.
Click to expand...
Caring people can only become friends through working at being friends. Caring people can only go so far. What do you need? From yourself and from others? Who can supply your needs? And how?
 
Judge said:
An explanation of "unmet expectations" seems to tie right into your sentiments. No question that society tends to push all sorts of judgments on everyone whether they can meet them or not:

"Setting unrealistic expectations for yourself can be a big source of self dislike. When you push yourself to be perfect or meet impossible standards failure is almost guaranteed. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self criticism especially when societal pressure is involved.

Societal expectations set benchmarks for success, owning a home by a certain age, achieving a certain career milestone or having a certain body image. Statistics from the American Psychological Association show that societal pressure contributes significantly to stress and negative self perception especially in younger adults. For example the pressure to have a thriving career by your late 20s or early 30s can be immense and when unmet leads to harsh self judgement."

Why Don't I Like Myself? Understanding Self-Dislike
Click to expand...
Why Don't I Like Myself? It's a GREAT question to take into individual psychotherapy! What a wonderful link! Why Don't I Like Myself? Understanding Self-Dislike
 
Amethystgirl said:
I'm not interested in changing the way I am. I just wanted to blow off steam. I don't need people telling me how I should change.
Click to expand...
A psychologist once said, "We stay unchanged until the time that being the same is more uncomfortable than changing." For some people, staying miserable is less uncomfortable than trying something else. No one is telling you to do anything!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

New Threads

Top Bottom