Introduction, an adult questioning their neurodiversity

[UncertainAdult]

Hello everyone,
I am 27 years old. Diagnosed with ADHD and disgraphia in first grade. Junior year of highschool my parents let me be in charge of my treatment for ADHD. I decided to stop treatment because I felt like if I didn't need it I would be normal like everyone else and I wouldn't be so weird, but I just told my mom and my doctor I didn't need the meds. So I struggled through the rest of highschool and college, and the first 5 years of my career.
Now I've recognized a problem and that I need help and that's ok and I've restarted treatment of the ADHD through my regular doctor. Things like focus at work and my ability to be still and pay attention have improved but not everything.
I've done a lot of searching the internet. Starting with ADHD and a few weeks ago I ended up looking at autism. I feel like I relate to much of the symptoms and experience from autistic people. So I've been debating seeking an assessment. I think so many of my struggle were blamed on ADHD and maybe that wasn't the whole story.
I've taken a few of the online assessments and I get results from moderate to high symptoms, but I wonder how accurate those are when combined with ADHD.
Anyway, I'm here to learn more and maybe talk about the value of diagnosis and what it has done for others diagnosed as adults.

Im really nervous about posting but I hope it's ok. Thanks for reading and I look forward to talking.

 

[Nitro]

 

[unperson]

Hi there.

 

[tree]

 

[Richelle-H]

I read your post in another thread before I read this one. From your descriptions there, I would hazard a guess that you are on the spectrum.

ADHD is a comorbid; by way of illustration I have a niece through marriage who is diagnosed with both Asperger's and ADHD. That has recently been complicated by a horrific car accident that left her with fractured vertebrae and PTSD.

No two of us are exactly identical. Some mask so well that it can go undetected for years. Those of us born female seem to be better at hiding (masking) our differences.

If you have always felt different, been called weird or strange, and seemingly experience the world differently from those around you, then you are likely on the spectrum.

I didn't know until I was in my forties. By then, I had found ways to hide and deflect. I kept my tics under control. the most notable of which is bouncing my knees when I am a bit stressed. I also made up words to express feelings that I could not otherwise communicate. I also have a tendency toward making clicking noises with my tongue.

Anyway, welcome to the site and I wish you comfort and happiness. You deserve both.

 

[Tom]

Of Course its ok to be and post here. While many have a diagnosis, some are like yourself, unsure and investigating the possibility. Some are only self diagnosed and leave it at that.

 

[UncertainAdult]

Hello Richelle!
Thank you!
I think I've masked and associated everything with ADHD for most of my life.
I did not know leg bouncing was also associated with autism. I do that constantly, but it's also a trait of ADHD. Drives my husband crazy. When I try to stop, it takes so much of my focus it hard to do anything else.

When you started wondering, did you tell anyone else? Or have someone supporting you while you worked through it? I haven't told anyone. My husband saw my Google history and mentioned it, but we didn't discuss it. I'm not really sure how to, or if I want to discuss it with people yet.

Thanks!

I read your post in another thread before I read this one. From your descriptions there, I would hazard a guess that you are on the spectrum.

ADHD is a comorbid; by way of illustration I have a niece through marriage who is diagnosed with both Asperger's and ADHD. That has recently been complicated by a horrific car accident that left her with fractured vertebrae and PTSD.

No two of us are exactly identical. Some mask so well that it can go undetected for years. Those of us born female seem to be better at hiding (masking) our differences.

If you have always felt different, been called weird or strange, and seemingly experience the world differently from those around you, then you are likely on the spectrum.

I didn't know until I was in my forties. By then, I had found ways to hide and deflect. I kept my tics under control. the most notable of which is bouncing my knees when I am a bit stressed. I also made up words to express feelings that I could not otherwise communicate. I also have a tendency toward making clicking noises with my tongue.

Anyway, welcome to the site and I wish you comfort and happiness. You deserve both.

 

[UncertainAdult]

Of Course its ok to be and post here. While many have a diagnosis, some are like yourself, unsure and investigating the possibility. Some are only self diagnosed and leave it at that.

Thank you for the welcoming message! I was worried that if I find out or decide that I'm not autistic it would annoy someone. But it seems like there are plenty of people here with similar questions.

 

[Richelle-H]

Hello Richelle!
Thank you!
I think I've masked and associated everything with ADHD for most of my life.
I did not know leg bouncing was also associated with autism. I do that constantly, but it's also a trait of ADHD. Drives my husband crazy. When I try to stop, it takes so much of my focus it hard to do anything else.

When you started wondering, did you tell anyone else? Or have someone supporting you while you worked through it? I haven't told anyone. My husband saw my Google history and mentioned it, but we didn't discuss it. I'm not really sure how to, or if I want to discuss it with people yet.

Thanks!

Hello again @UncertainAdult,

The thing is. I never wondered or even suspected. The questioning and research came from my spouse who was studying to be a psychologist at the time. One evening the conversation took a turn with them saying they thought I had Asperger's.

I did not even know what that was at the time. I never considered that there was anything to explain my quirks and peculiarities.

Once I had an official diagnosis, it did not change me in any significant way. It just offered a base from which I could effect some changes that made me seem less 'difficult'. It did offer a safe harbour, however, if push came to shove in my working or social life.

I tend toward education with those that are uninformed and wonder about my affect. I am very open with others, and I have learned how to not feel so stressed when in social situations with large numbers of people who are new to my acquaintance.

There were some other things that probably helped me long before that point, but that is some stuff that is not appropriate in an open forum.

So you see, not only are there a wide range of presentations within the autistic spectrum, but also a wide variance in how those of us who share the diagnosis present to the world.

Honest discussion with a professional may be useful at this point. Just have faith in yourself and know that you are not alone.

If you come to the decision that it is all due to ADHD (which seems a stretch to me) you would still be welcome here.

May you find peace and joy in your life.

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. Sounds like you could well be on the right track. Do more research and see how it fits for you. If it fits, it's likely to be relevant. Diagnosis is particularly sketchy for females, those socialised as female tend to internalise and mask as part of how we are, this makes us harder to spot in school and also the criteria have been set with males in mind, supposedly more males are autistic.

Take a look at Jessica Kingsley publishers catalogue for texts by women with Autism and clinicians about this. And many other sources. Also bear in mind neurodivergence presents in many and varied ways, you are you.

I read a comment about the way your partner characterises you as odd on another thread, and want to say, he sounds like he will benefit from education about neurodiversity. Sometimes, intentionally or otherwise, people use difference as a put down. Unacceptable.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

From what I understand, females tend to socialize much better, in general, to males. Females, in general, tend to mask their autism better. The testing for autism appears to have a male bias. As a result,...and much to the frustration of our autistic "sisters",...they often can be diagnosed and misdiagnosed with other things than autism. Worse case scenarios, females may be prescribed medications that, at the very least, they may not need,...but may also cause further harm.

I would hope, in 2021, that because more and more adults are seeking autism screening, that psychologists are better at testing and interviewing their adult female patients. There are a handful of on-line tests that can give some support towards an autism diagnosis, like the AQ score and the RAADS,...as well as some tests found on the Cambridge University Autism Research site. I would think that if these on-line tests showed you likely to be on the autism spectrum, it would give more credence towards seeking a professional diagnosis at an ADULT autism screening center or mental health facility that deals with adult autism.

 

[UncertainAdult]

@Thinx I've been reading more about the difference in treatment for men and women. It happens alot with ADHD too because often girls don't present those symptoms in the same way boys do, and this is also true for boys or girls who don't have the stereotypical boy personality and are different in any way.

As for my partner, I didn't bring up ADHD with any real seriousness until we hit a peak of unhappiness recently. We bought a book about ADHD and marriage and he reluctantly read it. He hates reading but wanted to try and figure out how to make our marriage better. The big obstacle is that he feels like most of the suggestions have to do with the the non-nuerodivergent partner "just dealing with it" or having to compensate. We've had conversations about how specific things hurt his feelings and he doesn't think it's right for him to just absorb it. Stuff with ADHD like me being bad at remembering to communicate, forgetting things I said I would do, and how I feel like just sitting in a room together doing our own thing is spending time together but to him it is not.

He knows I've been looking at autism, but I haven't figure out yet how to bring it up. It explains more of out problems. Like how I just don't get how he's feeling sometimes, or how I have to ask him what specifically made him mad about a situation bc I can't tell.

My husband has been an amazing partner . We've been together for 11 years. Our marriage is full of love and happiness most of the time. It's just been rough for a while and we're trying to figure it out and he's more than willing to try, but nuerodiversity is hard to explain and harder to figure out how it fits in our relationship.

 

[UncertainAdult]

From what I understand, females tend to socialize much better, in general, to males. Females, in general, tend to mask their autism better. The testing for autism appears to have a male bias. As a result,...and much to the frustration of our autistic "sisters",...they often can be diagnosed and misdiagnosed with other things than autism. Worse case scenarios, females may be prescribed medications that, at the very least, they may not need,...but may also cause further harm.

I would hope, in 2021, that because more and more adults are seeking autism screening, that psychologists are better at testing and interviewing their adult female patients. There are a handful of on-line tests that can give some support towards an autism diagnosis, like the AQ score and the RAADS,...as well as some tests found on the Cambridge University Autism Research site. I would think that if these on-line tests showed you likely to be on the autism spectrum, it would give more credence towards seeking a professional diagnosis at an ADULT autism screening center or mental health facility that deals with adult autism.

I've taken a few of these tests. I need a referral to get to a psychiatrist or psychologist or any behavioral health center. I have to talk to my doctor. When I asked her about ADHD and told her I was already diagnosed she told me I didn't need to go to a specialist, that she could manage my medication. So I felt like I couldn't get a referral. I think I'm going to print out my results and bring them in.... That is once I work up the courage to make an appointment.
I hear so often that I've never gotten fired, I got good grades, I'm an engineer in a competitive field, so why would I think anything is wrong? I'm concerned it will be very hard to even get to the point of being assessed.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I need a referral to get to a psychiatrist or psychologist or any behavioral health center. I have to talk to my doctor.

I am in the US. I literally drove over, walked up to the front desk of the autism testing center, and made an appointment with them. My primary care physician wasn't even involved. No referral needed. I gave him a copy of the written report afterward.

If you are over 18, and you call your health insurance company, they will be quick to say that "nothing is covered". I was in a position to pay the $1600 and wasn't going to let anything stop me from being tested. When I spoke to the billing department at the testing center, they said, "Don't worry about the cost." I don't know what they did with the coding, but I ended up paying around $200.

In the US, a referral to a specialist is "preferred", but often not "required",...and in this case, it wasn't required. Having said that, some specialists are crazy busy and are often booked months in advance, and they may have a policy of requiring a physician referral in order to reduce their workload and the potential of dealing with hypochondriacs,...but most of the time these are medical specialists,...endocrinologists, rare disease clinics, etc.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I hear so often that I've never gotten fired, I got good grades, I'm an engineer in a competitive field, so why would I think anything is wrong?

I am a specialist in neonatal respiratory care in one of the busiest neonatal centers in the world. We have 120 babies on our unit as of right now. Stupid busy. I've had this career for over 30 years. I also am a part-time university instructor. I've been doing that for over 20 years. I have been married for 35 years. I raised two great kids, both highly successful. Yet,...I have significant sensory issues, I score very high on the autism spectrum,..."Asperger's"/ASD-1 variant, and have had a life-long history of parents, family, friends, and physicians not recognizing who was standing in front of them. That is the most frustrating part with all of this,...most physicians are aware of autism,...can recognize a child with a severe autism variant, but not an adult with an Asperger's/ASD-1 variant. In fact, since the number one field for adult autistics is medicine, it is even more astounding that they might not recognize it in themselves or their colleagues. So,...with all respect,...you can throw those thoughts in the garbage bin.

 

[bruce rigsby]

your story is basically my story to a t. i too just joined today looking for answers. if anyone would care to have a chat with me i would apricate a new friend.

 

[Luca]

Welcome!!
Your story sounds a lot like mine. I'm the same age as you too. One of the differences though is that I was diagnosed as a young child, and back then it was a lot more obvious to the people around me, but as I got older I got way better at masking- though people do definitely still find me weird and difficult sometimes!
I've been in some "relationships"- I'll use the term loosely- with people who didn't understand Autism/Asperger's at all and just found me strange and impossible to deal with. Which is why I don't really bother with dating anymore, lol. It sounds like your partner could benefit from being educated about neurodiversity- and you could benefit from him learning about it too. It's good that you seem to be in a good relationship, though. Having someone who loves us and is willing to learn and understand is extremely beneficial for both parties involved.
Others have already pointed out that it can be more difficult to diagnose Autism in females. It would be worth taking a test or talking to a professional to see what they think. Although it sounds like you've done some research yourself, which is great too.
Hope you enjoy your time here, and I hope we have all been helpful!

 

[Suzette]

Hello @UncertainAdult, one suggestion I have is for you to select some videos on YouTube that address topics about autisim to share with your husband. You can watch them together and discuss how these topics apply to you.

I suggest these channels:
Autistimatic
Purple Ella
Aspergers from the Inside
Yo Samdy Sam

There are also a dozen or so Ted Talks on autisim on YouTube
And many other contributors that might present the perspective you wish to convey.

 

[Rasputin]

Hello everyone,
I am 27 years old. Diagnosed with ADHD and disgraphia in first grade. Junior year of highschool my parents let me be in charge of my treatment for ADHD. I decided to stop treatment because I felt like if I didn't need it I would be normal like everyone else and I wouldn't be so weird, but I just told my mom and my doctor I didn't need the meds. So I struggled through the rest of highschool and college, and the first 5 years of my career.
Now I've recognized a problem and that I need help and that's ok and I've restarted treatment of the ADHD through my regular doctor. Things like focus at work and my ability to be still and pay attention have improved but not everything.
I've done a lot of searching the internet. Starting with ADHD and a few weeks ago I ended up looking at autism. I feel like I relate to much of the symptoms and experience from autistic people. So I've been debating seeking an assessment. I think so many of my struggle were blamed on ADHD and maybe that wasn't the whole story.
I've taken a few of the online assessments and I get results from moderate to high symptoms, but I wonder how accurate those are when combined with ADHD.
Anyway, I'm here to learn more and maybe talk about the value of diagnosis and what it has done for others diagnosed as adults.

Im really nervous about posting but I hope it's ok. Thanks for reading and I look forward to talking.

Welcome to the autism forums. I was diagnosed with ASD two years ago at 61, and had some doubts at first. Then I got to know a half brother I had met once, and we are now friends. He is autistic, and is just like me. Same habits, quirks, everything. He has a 16 year old daughter who is also autistic, and we think our father was autistic.

Some habits we share are being very compulsive about our interests. We don’t do anything in moderation. When I become interested in a new subject, I will research until I am almost an expert. Then I move on to something else. When I find a show I like on Netflix, I can’t stop watching. I’ll binge watch the entire series in a couple days. I binge eating and drinking. When others sip on a glass of wine, I drink like it is soda. I once drank four liters of beer in one sitting during Oktoberfest in Germany. Neither of us has good self regulation of things we like or consume.

I am only mentioning these things because I think these compulsive behaviors are traits of autism that you don’t generally hear about.

As someone else stated, we are all different. If any of my habits sound familiar, you might be autistic or with OCD.