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Introduction: 51, recently diagnosed (Aspergers), struggling

K

Kushpa

Well-Known Member
Hello.

25 years after I first sought treatment from a university psychiatric department (I was diagnosed “bipolar” and told to just get a girlfriend, get into a routine, and I could write my own ticket!), I finally received an official diagnosis of ASD/Aspergers this past February from a specialist at a university hospital one state over. ;)

Needless the say, the intervening years have been a nightmare. Despite being “the smartest guy in the room” (I also have a high IQ, and belong to Mensa — NO help in the Aspie forum there whatsoever, too much arrogant brainpower floating around) at every job I had, I’d worn on people’s nerves and instigated enough hostility by my quirks and actions, I was fired within a year, despite excellent performance, and even making the company lots of money with my work. Same with school, friendships, and romantic relationships with women.

I first became aware last fall, and started reading Michael John Carley’s “Asperger’s from the Inside Out.” I got as far as “Disclosure” in the book, and I’ve been stalled. The last 3 chapters are on coping strategies, building the future, and happiness. I’m lacking in all 3. I’m just kind of at the end of my rope. I want to move forward, but feel stalled, and don’t feel like I’m making any progress with my interactions with others.

And as of this week, I have OFFICIALLY run my best friend to his limit with my ridiculously excessive rambling messages about my anxiety and my depression and my diagnosis, and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH MY LIFE, and all that. And he’s just like, “Dude, we’ve all got problems, and this is just too much, you have GOT to stop unloading all this on me!” He’s right, and I know it. So. Here I am. Spreading the rambling around, and amongst people who might be more inclined to respond, with, “Yeah, I get that,” than, “Dude, SHUT UP already!!!”

I don’t even know where to go from there. I’m pretty much on Square 1.

Thanks to everyone out there who makes forums like these possible, I’m hoping for some positive experiences here, and some help with the day-to-day and social encounters and whatnot.

Best,
Kushpa
 
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Welcome! I hope you will find a place to talk about what you want to. (if it's autism that's most of what's here, if it's other stuff there are places for that too)
 
Hi Kushpa your story echos mine until, ridiculously the Pandemic hit and lock-down...... no work, no people, split from my live in partner!!!!!! bleak very bleak,now restrictions are lessens, i have my home back and realise ( and this forum had some to do with this) that i am me and liking myself, working on a growth mindset, trying to see that others have valid points of view (helping me with our shared default setting to be negative and 'offload' on friends) and chucking the job i've held for three years that contributed to my anxiety everyday, yes it's tough so good and not so good days but i'm responsible for what i do or say but NOT how others respond, also my regular bouts of depression i feel may have been connected to my low self esteem and 'putting others first' (if they need me i will be part of people's life!!!!) i also have regonised for me that being alone doesn't have to equal being lonely, i also have some amazing abilities but partly due to my social and communication deficits have been underemployed and have 'lost' jobs most of my life, plan moving forward a qualification so i 'can be the boss' or a small company that may limit my anxiety, excuse the long post, i leave you with the suggestion to enjoy this forum as i've found it friendly, nonjudgemental, and useful in the quest to know and like me and my life more.
 
Welcome Kushpa!

I think you'll find people here will talk about things you want to talk about.

From life experience I've learned most of society doesn't want to hear about problems.
They only want to listen if it is good and makes them feel good. Very shallow.

The "Hey, Dude. Everyone has problems." or "Get a life."
"Grow up!" and the "Don't be a negative Nellie," type people are looking for only the
fun part to life. Well, both positive and negative co-exist in life.

I've been down anxiety road most of my life along with other struggles.
Diagnosed at age 58, I've learned why so many things were different about my life.
This forum has been helpful and always learning more with understanding.
Even with CBT, it has helped me feel a lot less lost. :)
 
This forum has peeps like you just working on ourselves and becoming better versions of ourselves.

But it's a long process, we can lose jobs and friends in the retweaking and that does feel bad to us.
Welcome.
 
Welcome. This is why a lot of us isolate. I can't speak for everyone, but many of us know that merry go round. Some of us ended it by isolated. Your friend is rude. Tell HIM to f off.
 
Just in the past 24 hours since this has happened, and I’ve unloaded the SAME story on two other old friends (with VERY different responses), and ESPECIALLY with the feedback here (which is refreshing), I’m beginning to think my “best friend” that I’ve known for 25 years and went to college with and partied with and played in bands with and worked with would be more sympathetic, barely 5 months into a diagnosis that he knows full well has just knocked my on my ass. I think I’ve come to the stunning (but not shocking) conclusion that my Asperger’s has blinded me to what the depth of our friendship really was. Just like I’m oblivious when a girl is throwing herself at me, just as I’m oblivious when I’m stupidly throwing myself at a girl who’s stringing me along, I’ve been oblivious to the fact that he’s NOT a “best friend,” he’s just an old college buddy I used to smoke pot with and did some fun work stuff with almost 20 years ago.

On the other hand, my high IQ computer engineer for Intel with a Masters in physics, who is a severe introvert, and has a tendency to be abrasive and brutally honest, was very sympathetic, and said, “I’m here if you need me, dude.” Also an old college buddy, although I only see him every few years. I see my other friend every few months. I’ve noticed a few posts as I’ve browsed this site where people mention they get along better with “nerdy NTs” than other Aspies or “non-nerdy” NTs.

And my old boss from college was also understanding and encouraging, but also a little harsh, as older guys who were your boss tend to be! He was like, “So what, now instead of telling people you’re crazy, I’m supposed to tell them no, you have Asperger’s, and they’ll be like, ‘oh...’.” Whatever that means! I *think* it’s funny?
 
Hi and welcome, I think you're gonna fit in just fine! Yes I have that oblivious thing too, it's fairly common here! But we are all a mix, and sounds like you have plenty of great qualities. Knowing about the Aspergers is a real help in finding strategies for how you are. I hope that you enjoy it here.

:spoutingwhale::spiralshell::dolphin::spiralshell::whale:
 
Welcome @Kushpa

This is a good place to explore aspects of autism, with lots of people on various places on their journey. Some newly diagnosed and some with many years under their belt. Some diagnosed when young and some, like me, recently diagnosed at 65
 
I have the opposite problem, people want to tell me their burdens, for nothing! Go see a therapist if you want someone to listen. Welcome to site.
 
Kushpa said:
... I think I’ve come to the stunning (but not shocking) conclusion that my Asperger’s has blinded me to what the depth of our friendship really was. Just like I’m oblivious when a girl is throwing herself at me, just as I’m oblivious when I’m stupidly throwing myself at a girl who’s stringing me along,
Click to expand...

Been there done that - I know that one all too well. See also the thread on "theory of mind" where a similar thing is spoken about
 
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