Introducing Myself

[SamManfie]

Hi,
I am new to this at the great age of 55 (I had to remember my age then). My life has been falling apart recently and this is how I have discovered Aspergers and Autism. I was aware of it, but not very much.
I brought it up with my new therapist and he suggested a couple of books for me. I have been relating to the descriptions a great deal. I only got the books on kindle, so now I have purchased hard copies for notes and post-its.
If any of you are as old as me I would love to know if you remember much about how you were as a child. I can't ask my mother because she was already in denial about my mental health and wouldn't understand me relating to Autism. My dad is dead. Also, it's probably relevant to say I am female.

 

[tree]

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! To be honest, I only remember snippets.

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. What books did you get? I recommend Jessica Kingsley publishers catalogue for texts by women with Autism and clinicians about this. It seems to vary whether anyone demands details of childhood from older people going for diagnosis. I'm happy with self diagnosis myself.

Doing more reading and research will probably put you in a position to see how likely a candidate you are, whether one gets diagnosed can also be variable it seems. Women in particular have tended to get missed for diagnosis, partly due to the erroneous belief historically that this was mainly a male diagnosis.

Now that that's understood to be less the case than previously thought, the criteria will likely get changed at some point but it can still be harder for women to get diagnosed. I think this is partly due to women being more socialised to mask and fit in, and not act out but internalise problems. Plus getting more conditioning to accommodate others and be nice, to listen and nod and so on.

If this is a useful track for you there's nothing to stop you researching more and see if strategies and ideas applying to autism are useful. It can be reassuring to see what the reason for how we are is, and to target ourselves realistically about what can be changed and what can't. My experience has been I can do plenty of useful work on myself that is developmental, despite a core of communication issues that somewhat affect me in unstructured social interaction, that I just can't change as they appear hard wired in my neurology.

I actually recall my childhood fine and have done quite a lot of therapy relating to it and my odd family over many years which was useful, though for many years I did not understand about autism which helped put more things into perspective, especially why I didn't progress with what I worked on in trying to get better at some types of unstructured social communication.

On reflection I think my dad was on the spectrum, too. And both his parents seem candidates. That can be useful to consider. Read up about ADHD too, this can be a co morbid condition to autism or in itself has some similar defining characteristics, such as difficulties with organising yourself relating to executive functioning.

I hope you will join in discussions here and tell us more about your experiences and progress with this.

 

[SamManfie]

Hi and welcome. What books did you get? I recommend Jessica Kingsley publishers catalogue for texts by women with Autism and clinicians about this. It seems to vary whether anyone demands details of childhood from older people going for diagnosis. I'm happy with self diagnosis myself.

Doing more reading and research will probably put you in a position to see how likely a candidate you are, whether one gets diagnosed can also be variable it seems. Women in particular have tended to get missed for diagnosis, partly due to the erroneous belief historically that this was mainly a male diagnosis.

Now that that's understood to be less the case than previously thought, the criteria will likely get changed at some point but it can still be harder for women to get diagnosed. I think this is partly due to women being more socialised to mask and fit in, and not act out but internalise problems. Plus getting more conditioning to accommodate others and be nice, to listen and nod and so on.

If this is a useful track for you there's nothing to stop you researching more and see if strategies and ideas applying to autism are useful. It can be reassuring to see what the reason for how we are is, and to target ourselves realistically about what can be changed and what can't. My experience has been I can do plenty of useful work on myself that is developmental, despite a core of communication issues that somewhat affect me in unstructured social interaction, that I just can't change as they appear hard wired in my neurology.

I actually recall my childhood fine and have done quite a lot of therapy relating to it and my odd family over many years which was useful, though for many years I did not understand about autism which helped put more things into perspective, especially why I didn't progress with what I worked on in trying to get better at some types of unstructured social communication.

On reflection I think my dad was on the spectrum, too. And both his parents seem candidates. That can be useful to consider. Read up about ADHD too, this can be a co morbid condition to autism or in itself has some similar defining characteristics, such as difficulties with organising yourself relating to executive functioning.

I hope you will join in discussions here and tell us more about your experiences and progress with this.

Thank you for your reply. The books I read were suggested to me by my therapist though he said he doesn't know a great deal about ASD. The first was Aspergirls by Rudy Simone and the second was Nerdy, Shy and Socially Inappropriate by Cynthia Kim.
I found them very interesting and was relieved to know I don't have to be a genius.
At this stage I don't think I am looking at diagnosis as it's very impractical in Australia. Unless you are a child it is very expensive and complicated with a long waiting time to see anyone. I have decided to address my behaviour and learn to treat myself better.
I hope to learn from others here and find it to be a safe space because I know I will get a lot of kick back from my family if they think I am pursuing this line of thought.
Luckily I have a good supportive husband who wa T's me to thrive and will help me to do so.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome. I can remember how I was. Being socially/sexually isolated from 14 to 28, I can remember some hurtful events, but the impact of the emotional memories of that isolation is exceptionally strong. I am now dealing with PTSD from those years.

 

[Richelle-H]

Hello @SamManfie and welcome.

While I remember a great deal of my early years, I do not know how relevant those would be given that I was born and grew up in Southern California. People there are all preoccupied with so much that someone can easily slip under the radar.

I was not formally diagnosed until I was in my forties. That said, I remember things always being a bit off. There are memories that suggest my mother knew that I was different in my infancy. She tried, but in my closed-in world, I did not accept her offer of help in my pre-teens, seeing it instead as an attack.

I never fit in my family, although I suffered through many a family get together I always felt like I would be better off somewhere else. I was awkward, shy, standoffish, sullen, mostly mute, and more than a little clumsy. I have many regrets over the past, but I try not to visit those too often as they cannot be remedied and it is like picking at a scab that has not quite healed, difficult and ultimately painful.

Anyway, from my standpoint things have gotten better with age and my past is now a source of power on many levels. Oh, and when you get to be my age, many forgotten memories start to pop up like bubbles in a glass of champagne.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

many forgotten memories start to pop up like bubbles in a glass of champagne.

For me, only if I could turn a flamethrower on that champagne flute.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome to the forums.

I'm female, age 64.
It had a trauma in my life at age 53 and while working with a grief counselor who recognised the
signs of Aspergers to suggest I go for a diagnosis.
I was lucky, as there was a psychologist nearby that was an autism specialist and took my
insurance.

As far as memories, I am one of those types that remember back to infancy, so it all fit.
I did not seek friendship from other children from the beginning.
My Mom was my best friend and only person I was really close with.
I had strange quirks and still do. Routine has always been important.
Sensory issues with clothes, food, noise and lights that were too bright.
Strobes paralyze me.

I was home schooled grades 9-12 due to health problems and autism co-morbidities of
panic attacks, depression and agoraphobia.
Thankfully, much of this got better with age, but, I never desired a life on my own, marriage
or children.
I made a degree in medical arts and became a pharmacist.

The roughest time of my life was when I lost my parents and was not prepared for it.
I now rent half of a house from an elderly man who needed some extra help and charged a
price for rent I could afford. I'm still doing therapy for the trauma this caused as I have
no other family or friends. I was never able to bond to others really.
Don't know if you can relate to my story, but, that's pretty much my life.

Finding this forum has helped a lot also.

 

[clg114]

Welcome to Autism Forums!

 

[SamManfie]

Welcome to the forums.

I'm female, age 64.
It had a trauma in my life at age 53 and while working with a grief counselor who recognised the
signs of Aspergers to suggest I go for a diagnosis.
I was lucky, as there was a psychologist nearby that was an autism specialist and took my
insurance.

As far as memories, I am one of those types that remember back to infancy, so it all fit.
I did not seek friendship from other children from the beginning.
My Mom was my best friend and only person I was really close with.
I had strange quirks and still do. Routine has always been important.
Sensory issues with clothes, food, noise and lights that were too bright.
Strobes paralyze me.

I was home schooled grades 9-12 due to health problems and autism co-morbidities of
panic attacks, depression and agoraphobia.
Thankfully, much of this got better with age, but, I never desired a life on my own, marriage
or children.
I made a degree in medical arts and became a pharmacist.

The roughest time of my life was when I lost my parents and was not prepared for it.
I now rent half of a house from an elderly man who needed some extra help and charged a
price for rent I could afford. I'm still doing therapy for the trauma this caused as I have
no other family or friends. I was never able to bond to others really.
Don't know if you can relate to my story, but, that's pretty much my life.

Finding this forum has helped a lot also.

Thank you for telling me all this. It sounds like this forum is helping.

 

[SamManfie]

Hello @SamManfie and welcome.

While I remember a great deal of my early years, I do not know how relevant those would be given that I was born and grew up in Southern California. People there are all preoccupied with so much that someone can easily slip under the radar.

I was not formally diagnosed until I was in my forties. That said, I remember things always being a bit off. There are memories that suggest my mother knew that I was different in my infancy. She tried, but in my closed-in world, I did not accept her offer of help in my pre-teens, seeing it instead as an attack.

I never fit in my family, although I suffered through many a family get together I always felt like I would be better off somewhere else. I was awkward, shy, standoffish, sullen, mostly mute, and more than a little clumsy. I have many regrets over the past, but I try not to visit those too often as they cannot be remedied and it is like picking at a scab that has not quite healed, difficult and ultimately painful.

Anyway, from my standpoint things have gotten better with age and my past is now a source of power on many levels. Oh, and when you get to be my age, many forgotten memories start to pop up like bubbles in a glass of champagne.

Thank you telling me this.

 

[watersprite]

Welvome