TaylorG
New Member
Trying to figure this out while trying to get a referral for testing from my school disability resource center. I get this is a long process but I am willing to wait as long as it takes. Just really discouraged because I’ve been waiting on a referral and the person I was supposed to see for that cancelled on me today.
Heads up my story is going to seem fragmented but it’s just my train of thought. So I managed to make it past undergrad and I now find myself in graduate school. I am guessing that I noticed symptoms more after moving into a new environment. I live with my boyfriend who agrees that I do display symptoms. Saw a counselor who is helping with the referral process after evaluating me and my concerns. She agrees.
My brother has severe cerebral palsy but possesses many autistic traits, has specific stims and interest in cell phones. I on the other hand played a huge role in helping to raise my brother, I can relate to him in some ways, we have always been each other’s best friend. My father has been an alcoholic since my brother’s diagnosis, about 20 years now. Drove my mom crazy. I was the scapegoat for all their problems so I have some trauma (verbal abuse) in my background, and a lot of anxiety problems that I’ve never been to a doctor for but I just deal with it day after day.
I don’t make eye contact with people I don’t trust or don’t know well, I have always felt different and out of place in this world, I am a super visual learner and grad school has put a damper on the speed of my learning, I have felt slower than all my classmates each passing year since elementary school when I was considered advanced for my age. I do a lot of repetitive movements with my fingers mostly, cracking them, pulling them, moving my jaw side to side or biting the inside of my mouth. Idk if these are nervous ticks or stims but I’ve always done them.
Communication is a toughie for me. I cannot express my thoughts verbally without writing down a rehearsed, concise script to make sure I am understood correctly. It sucks. Always been sort of a loner, never kept the same friends or more than 1 or 2. Some fields of study I simply cannot comprehend like math. I cannot comprehend abstract ideas nor verbal instructions, everything has to be written down. Always thought I was just lazy or not self-disciplined enough.
As far as interests...I’m in the mapping industry which is a cool field to be in right now. However, I feel I am limiting myself with constant distraction since I tend to let my thoughts direct me elsewhere, I research one thing and it leads to another, then hours of precious time are lost and I’m absolutely killing my available study time due to this. It’s not that I don’t care I just lack motivation and find other things more interesting. Is there a way to maintain focus? ADD is genetic in my family too. My family has always perceived me to be an outsider as well, which is frustrating. I cannot relate to them.
In general, I feel as though I have no opinion of my own about anything, which is so embarrassing in graduate school class discussions and makes me look hella awkward, lazy and dumb. I just go blank. Maybe it’s because of anxiety or maybe because I’m not comprehending my studies like the other kids seem to be. I am letting my boss down at work because I can’t seem to produce results that are worthwhile, I get too focused on the details and I don’t understand what is expected.
All areas of my life are being affected by whatever is wrong with me. This is such a weird time in my life right now I’m not sure how to stay calm lol. Thanks for reading, not expecting responses just had to put this out there. Maybe it will help someone else.
Heads up my story is going to seem fragmented but it’s just my train of thought. So I managed to make it past undergrad and I now find myself in graduate school. I am guessing that I noticed symptoms more after moving into a new environment. I live with my boyfriend who agrees that I do display symptoms. Saw a counselor who is helping with the referral process after evaluating me and my concerns. She agrees.
My brother has severe cerebral palsy but possesses many autistic traits, has specific stims and interest in cell phones. I on the other hand played a huge role in helping to raise my brother, I can relate to him in some ways, we have always been each other’s best friend. My father has been an alcoholic since my brother’s diagnosis, about 20 years now. Drove my mom crazy. I was the scapegoat for all their problems so I have some trauma (verbal abuse) in my background, and a lot of anxiety problems that I’ve never been to a doctor for but I just deal with it day after day.
I don’t make eye contact with people I don’t trust or don’t know well, I have always felt different and out of place in this world, I am a super visual learner and grad school has put a damper on the speed of my learning, I have felt slower than all my classmates each passing year since elementary school when I was considered advanced for my age. I do a lot of repetitive movements with my fingers mostly, cracking them, pulling them, moving my jaw side to side or biting the inside of my mouth. Idk if these are nervous ticks or stims but I’ve always done them.
Communication is a toughie for me. I cannot express my thoughts verbally without writing down a rehearsed, concise script to make sure I am understood correctly. It sucks. Always been sort of a loner, never kept the same friends or more than 1 or 2. Some fields of study I simply cannot comprehend like math. I cannot comprehend abstract ideas nor verbal instructions, everything has to be written down. Always thought I was just lazy or not self-disciplined enough.
As far as interests...I’m in the mapping industry which is a cool field to be in right now. However, I feel I am limiting myself with constant distraction since I tend to let my thoughts direct me elsewhere, I research one thing and it leads to another, then hours of precious time are lost and I’m absolutely killing my available study time due to this. It’s not that I don’t care I just lack motivation and find other things more interesting. Is there a way to maintain focus? ADD is genetic in my family too. My family has always perceived me to be an outsider as well, which is frustrating. I cannot relate to them.
In general, I feel as though I have no opinion of my own about anything, which is so embarrassing in graduate school class discussions and makes me look hella awkward, lazy and dumb. I just go blank. Maybe it’s because of anxiety or maybe because I’m not comprehending my studies like the other kids seem to be. I am letting my boss down at work because I can’t seem to produce results that are worthwhile, I get too focused on the details and I don’t understand what is expected.
All areas of my life are being affected by whatever is wrong with me. This is such a weird time in my life right now I’m not sure how to stay calm lol. Thanks for reading, not expecting responses just had to put this out there. Maybe it will help someone else.
