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Initiating and building connections

Z

Zidiane

Well-Known Member
Anyone have any tips on this? I've studied NT's for a long time, so I feel like I'm very good at talking once the conversation has started, but I have a hard time starting things. I don't know how to "meet people", and once I've met people I don't know how to form a connection with them, I don't know how to make friends (though sometimes I just end up in a friendship somehow), and I don't know how to really build upon an established relationship with someone. Anyone have any tips?
 
Sorry, no. I have always found it impossible to maintain shallow relationships.
 
Ylva said:
Sorry, no. I have always found it impossible to maintain shallow relationships.
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I'm confused as to why you are implying that meeting new people can only form shallow relationships. People have been known to create strong, deep, and lasting friendships with people they meet out in the world. Just trying to figure out how to experience this for myself.
Daniel said:
If you haven't seen this, check out this website--SuceedSocially.com. Lots of practical articles and tips from a formerly shy, socially inept guy who figured out this stuff. Talks about meeting people, making friends, etc., but as he puts it, it's for those looking to go from 3 to 7, not 7 to 10.

This one is about how to grow and deepen a friendship.
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Thank you for the links!
 
Ylva said:
The word "connections" implies that it is not about deep friendship.
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I don't think it does. Connection in this context is the word for "you and another person having a relationship", there is no negative or positive or "deep or shallow" spin on the word. People do use stronger words for stronger connections, but this word doesn't imply a weak connection. Besides, you can't instantly get a deep relationship without first making a entry-level connection with someone. You need to start somewhere.
 
I've come to realise, in the last 2-3 years, that you just have to make contact with as many people as possible - for NT's this is instinctual/subconscious and they do it absolutely all the time; build up a big enough network of aquaintances, some will become friends, some of those will become good friends and some, partners.
Someone told me once that its like opening doors; the more you open, the more likely someone will walk through.
So I practice (and I mean I'm still practicing.. not very good at it yet still) eye contact, smiling and politeness constantly. I don't have an instinct for it and it can be awkward; I have to consciously think and decide to try at each opportunity. But if ya don't try, ya don't get, right?
 
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