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In need of some opinions....

JessH0601

Member
ok, so this might generally be a long post, but I was hoping to get some opinions of the community on this issue.

***disclaimer - I know that I can't self-dx, nor can this community do it for me. I'm just curious as to what everyone thinks, since you all have experience in the area and I don't***

so, I've been thinking for about a month now that I might have AS (or whatever they're gonna classify it as now) and the research I've done and the people I've talked to have pretty much confirmed my suspicion. but, with me being myself, I am always second guessing and doubting the conclusions that I come up with, so I'm looking to you guys to help me confirm if what it is I'm thinking is correct.

as far as my symptoms go, I have some difficulties with the social stuff. I have learned to be able to take on conversation, and pass fairly well, but it nearly always makes me uncomfortable. I don't have a lot of friends I would consider myself close to. and even the close-ish ones are people who are much older than I am.
I have issues with texture/flavor of foods, and am generally pretty picky. even to the point where I will eat peas and green beans and corn, but only canned, not frozen. the texture of certain foods is an absolute no, as well as the flavor. and, as far as texture of objects, I'm bothered by certain things, but not often. I'm more on the other side, where I'm attracted to textures that feel good to my skin, and will sit and rub my hands on something for quite a while if it is a nice texture.
I tend to have both meltdowns and shutdowns, depending on the situation. mostly, my meltdowns happen after I'm overwhelmed and I usually just get super frustrated and want to pound my fists on things or throw things. I very often lose speech, but not the ability to type or text, so that's how I usually get through it. shutdowns are fairly the same, without the aggression. I still usually lose speech, but sometimes go more "spacey" for a while, and need to withdraw to calm down a bit.
I am very sensitive to the environment and emotions of people around me. to the point where I have trouble because I can't always control that change in emotion, and it will throw off a whole day.
I also have quite the crazy mood swings. one minute I'll be hyper and very excited about things, and the next I will either have a major shutdown, or be very depressed. this happens sometimes 7-8 times in a day, and really interferes with functioning. it was the reason that it had been suggested I be diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but that never stuck.

as it were, it was suggested that I be tested when I was young, but my mother never did it. so, what I'm really wondering is if I should be tested now. if the process is worth it. because, I'm not really looking for any kind of assistance/accommodation. I'm really just looking for an answer to my incessant question of "why am I so different from everyone else?" I'm hoping for opinions, experiences, suggestions. anything any of you might offer as to what you think, and what I might do next.
 
I feel your pain. Have you tried playing with the online aspie quizzes?

What is an Asperger's Test?

Asperger Quiz

PsychCentral Asperger Quiz

That said, I have to close with a disclaimer: if this matters to you, then getting an opinion about a diagnosis online from people who don't know you won't help. Go see a psychologist with some background in autism/asperger's, and find out what they think about the the DSM-V's position that asperger's and autism are the same spectrum. Feel free to disagree. You are an authority on your own mind.
 
Thanks for the suggestion!
I have taken a couple of quizzes, and all the results point to the possibility. I am currently in search of a psychologist in my area that may be able to help me, but there aren't many around here, which kind of stinks. it would more than likely be an hour or more drive to find someone who specializes, if the two or three leads that I have closer don't pan out. I've got a lot of leg-work to do, and no insurance until the 17th anyways.
hopefully I'll have some answers soon.
 
***disclaimer - I know that I can't self-dx, nor can this community do it for me. I'm just curious as to what everyone thinks, since you all have experience in the area and I don't***

Sounds to me that you're every bit as "experienced" as the rest of us when it comes to being self-aware of your own neurology to a point where you're rationally questioning that you are different from the vast majority. Just keep reading. This place is a vast wealth of information for those seeking such answers. Seems to me that there's nothing you've posted that I haven't read here in whole or in part. So you'll likely find that you have a great deal of things in common with many of us.

As long as you don't mistakenly adopt a "cookie-cutter" understanding of being on the spectrum. Traits, behaviors and comorbity allow us to be both similar and very different from one another. Just not Neurotypical. Consider it a starting point in a "voyage of self-discovery", whether you're just curious after a lifetime of alienation amongst your own kind, or to seek professional care.

At the point you seem to be, my biggest obstacle was myself. That is, my own denial. Once I got past it, the rest seemed to fall like a stack of dominoes. It allows me to focus on what I can do, and to accept what I can't. It's not so much of a mystery any more in that I have direction I never really had before.
 
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That makes a lot of sense Judge. I think right now, I'm just self-doubting a lot and I'm kind of at an impasse with not being able to get any answers for a little while. I'm to the point where I really feel like I've found the answer, and now I just want something to back me up and say "yes, this is the reason why things have been this way for so long".
something tells me that the diagnosis will help. Part of me knows, though, that there are those who still won't believe it. and I hate that. I hate that I can't just have an answer and have it accepted. I guess the answer has to just be there to gratify me, and not worry about what others think. but, I struggle with that, a lot.
I guess it's just gonna be a learning process. and I know I have a lot to learn.
 
That makes a lot of sense Judge. I think right now, I'm just self-doubting a lot and I'm kind of at an impasse with not being able to get any answers for a little while. I'm to the point where I really feel like I've found the answer, and now I just want something to back me up and say "yes, this is the reason why things have been this way for so long".
something tells me that the diagnosis will help. Part of me knows, though, that there are those who still won't believe it. and I hate that. I hate that I can't just have an answer and have it accepted. I guess the answer has to just be there to gratify me, and not worry about what others think. but, I struggle with that, a lot.
I guess it's just gonna be a learning process. and I know I have a lot to learn.

Been there, done that and totally get it. The things is though, I suspect you'll find that YOU get US. It's an amazing and empowering feeling to discover that you are not alone after a lifetime of feeling as if you were always on the outside looking in.

Yes, you are correct to be somewhat apprehensive about others in your own orbit who may or may not understand. Indeed, there is a lot to learn. But the process is a good one!
 
Hello Jess

You almost sound like me and I am not professionally diagnosed either, but got to the point that I do not need that verification. Like you experience, I too had doubts, despite the evidence pretty much staring me in the face!

There is no doubt in my mind that you are an aspie. I am still learning about traits, because I have spent my life as a: strange nt ie eccentric or bizarre and so, just thought I was not worth the time and thus, when ever asked what do I like, etc, I could never answer!

I cannot cope with the idea of a professional telling me that I am not an aspie, because I do not match up to one trait or more ie putting one is a box, and thus, I shall rely on the fact, that it is pretty obvious to those who know me, that I am different. I guess if I were admitting it, that if it were on paper, some nts would be more willling to help, but I suppose it is cruel to me, but I cannot help take stand with this, because as far as I am concerned, if they want a piece of paper to prove I have something, they they are not worth my time!!
 
Thanks Suzanne!
from everything I have seen, there is little doubt in my mind that I am an aspie. at last, that is the truth on most days. the second guessing keeps me on my toes.
I think, more than anything, the answer would help me to explain myself. I have a lot of people I'm a bit closer to that wonder about my shut-downs, and why I am the way I am. it would be nice to have a more solid answer to give them. though, they know that I am fairly sure that being an aspie is the reason.
I imagine that I am rather scared of the same thing with the professionals: the idea of them telling me I'm not an aspie when I rather know that I am. I imagine that I will possibly even go through a few different professionals if I do not get the answer I am seeking.
 
Sounds to me that you're every bit as "experienced" as the rest of us when it comes to being self-aware of your own neurology to a point where you're rationally questioning that you are different from the vast majority. Just keep reading. This place is a vast wealth of information for those seeking such answers. Seems to me that there's nothing you've posted that I haven't read here in whole or in part. So you'll likely find that you have a great deal of things in common with many of us.

As long as you don't mistakenly adopt a "cookie-cutter" understanding of being on the spectrum. Traits, behaviors and comorbity allow us to be both similar and very different from one another. Just not Neurotypical. Consider it a starting point in a "voyage of self-discovery", whether you're just curious after a lifetime of alienation amongst your own kind, or to seek professional care.

At the point you seem to be, my biggest obstacle was myself. That is, my own denial. Once I got past it, the rest seemed to fall like a stack of dominoes. It allows me to focus on what I can do, and to accept what I can't. It's not so much of a mystery any more in that I have direction I never really had before.

Ditto! & don't feel pressured to get a formal diagnosis. It's hard to find psychiatrists who are experienced w autism & in my area, insurance didn't cover it & it cost me $7k just to be told what I already knew. The only good thing about it is confirmation from a doctor & I did learn my 'giftedness' & what I can excel at. But you can get a lot of the same info & self-diagnose wo the cost. You'll learn what you need to know on your own. The testing is expensive & in my opinion, not that helpful.
 
Ditto! & don't feel pressured to get a formal diagnosis. It's hard to find psychiatrists who are experienced w autism & in my area, insurance didn't cover it & it cost me $7k just to be told what I already knew. The only good thing about it is confirmation from a doctor & I did learn my 'giftedness' & what I can excel at. But you can get a lot of the same info & self-diagnose wo the cost. You'll learn what you need to know on your own. The testing is expensive & in my opinion, not that helpful.

Yes, I surmised long ago that a formal diagnosis will cost me a fortune. But then I also surmised that at this point in time at my age it's not that critical for me to find out. After all, how many people here either suspected or felt certain that they were on the spectrum prior to a formal diagnosis? Virtually all of them from what I see.
 
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Yes, Judge, I agree. The formal diagnosis does nothing except maybe offers validation for ur GP doc or friends who don't believe you. Then again, my GP still doesn't believe it! LOL
 

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