Nobody around me seems to understand what its like to be alone. They don't understand how I have no friends and I feel so hopeless. Everyday I have to fight for my life and it takes so much energy out of me. Some how I overcome it everyday. I'm scared I'm going to get to the point where I cant overcome it anymore. I'm scared I'm going to be alone forever. I am so nice and respectful to people and have such a big heart but nobody likes me. I'm taken advantage of because I'm an easy target for people and because I'm different. I've dedicated my Life to helping those in need but nobody is ever there when I'm in need. I don't ask for a lot I just want to be loved. I take it out on myself and blame myself for not being able make connections. I've been broken so many times. I don't think I can be put back together this time. I really need a miracle right now
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I'm Tired of being Scared and Lonely
- Thread starter JoeSF4
- Start date
I am sorry! I don't have miracles. There are many of us who do understand! At ine time in my life I attempted to give myself hugs by trying to imagine my own arms as belonging to someone else.
The thing that ultimately was my savior was my own stubborness. I refused to give up. I know I am different and because of that, I reasoned that might take me longer to find a friend. But I didn't want to give up too soon!
I just kept thinking that there are 7 billion people on the planet. There must be at least one who is my match! It might take a long time but they are out there looking for me too.
The thing that ultimately was my savior was my own stubborness. I refused to give up. I know I am different and because of that, I reasoned that might take me longer to find a friend. But I didn't want to give up too soon!
I just kept thinking that there are 7 billion people on the planet. There must be at least one who is my match! It might take a long time but they are out there looking for me too.
I'm open to anything.
There are others here who have similar feelings.
Cold comfort, but virtually you are not alone.
Cold comfort, but virtually you are not alone.
Do you really mean that? Open to anything?
I can tell you exactly what I did but most people simply don't believe me.
How open are you really?
You are not alone. Right now I am working through PTSD from social isolation I felt as a teen and young adult decades earlier. It was traumatic for me and the result of social dysfunction caused by my autism. I do not think I was approaching social maturity until I was 28. And, I had to learn to help myself because nobody recognized my autism.
You need to understand to like yourself, and, importantly, learn to have people respect your boundaries, reclaiming your agency and learning how to advocate for yourself, your own happiness. Perhaps even seeking assistance with that and have social coaching. I could have benefitted from that at your age.
You need to understand to like yourself, and, importantly, learn to have people respect your boundaries, reclaiming your agency and learning how to advocate for yourself, your own happiness. Perhaps even seeking assistance with that and have social coaching. I could have benefitted from that at your age.
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Jordy
Well-Known Member
I have a body pillow.
Controversial take, but you will to severely lower your expectations of life if you want to be happy. A happy vibrant social life with many people that know and care for you, maintained for years is not going to happen, it's never going to be real for us. You have to be happy with the couple relationships you can have, even expecting these people to with you for a very long times is unrealistic, they might leave and you will be completely alone for some periods before meeting new people.
Don't worry about whether or not you will be able to achieve the western cultural expectation of what a happy life looks like, it wont happen for most of us.
An even more controversial idea is that suicidal idealization and preparation can help you with this, if you accept and have an ability to die, you will reconsider life and try to find a way that is slightly better than death, you wont have to worry about the future either, because well you could always just die if you wanted to, so why not enjoy this small thing in the moment and not worry. "i could kill myself today, or i could die another day and go outside and enjoy nature for now without having to worry about anything."
i can kill myself right now, or i could continue studying things i like for 5 more years before i kill myself.
Think of it is the grieving process for when someone you love dies, at first it will emotionally destroy you and you may even be in denial, but eventually you get will get over it and adapt to life without that person. In this case of course instead of burring a person you are burying ideals and expectations about life and people.
I am in the same position as you and Its a mindset that helped me, might be completely useless to you i don't know.
Part of growing up is learning to define yourself based on an acceptable standard. It's a good sign if you recognize that your expectations are unrealistic, that is the siren song of maturity.
There is something out there, you are in the wrong place, or doing things wrong, or dressing funny, or something. That's cultural bias basically. You can modify yourself, its allowed, even encouraged. See that's growth, and growing things are still alive, so growth is good.
Anyways, long term lifestyle, many people are alone for periods in life. Spring is coming early, ever work in a greenhouse, or a hardware store? A change in jobs is really fun sometimes, new horizons and all that.
So counseling in some form, is like hiring a navigator, but buying books and getting advice from peers is like having an old ratty map, that's hard to read and has errors in it.
If you did counseling or therapy before and it didnt help, try try again! New counselor, more honest disclosure, more ambition to improve.
I hope your day goes well. A lonely life is much improved by hobbies, could be anything, so long as it brings you joy
There is something out there, you are in the wrong place, or doing things wrong, or dressing funny, or something. That's cultural bias basically. You can modify yourself, its allowed, even encouraged. See that's growth, and growing things are still alive, so growth is good.
Anyways, long term lifestyle, many people are alone for periods in life. Spring is coming early, ever work in a greenhouse, or a hardware store? A change in jobs is really fun sometimes, new horizons and all that.
So counseling in some form, is like hiring a navigator, but buying books and getting advice from peers is like having an old ratty map, that's hard to read and has errors in it.
If you did counseling or therapy before and it didnt help, try try again! New counselor, more honest disclosure, more ambition to improve.
I hope your day goes well. A lonely life is much improved by hobbies, could be anything, so long as it brings you joy
Oh another happy thought, listen learn and watch things that are inspiring and training for leadership. John Maxwell is pretty fantastic, I have "your roadmap for success" on legacy media, it's a wonderful book, read by the author. The world is vast and glorious, you may be stuck somewhere, but there is more out there, more than you could ever see.
No one can stop you, you can walk for a year and never see anything twice, but the tops of your shoes
No one can stop you, you can walk for a year and never see anything twice, but the tops of your shoes
Au Naturel
Au Naturel
Wow. I had exactly the same approach to suicide. When I was a little kid I actually made an imaginary friend out of death. A cute freckled redhead girl with a cloak and a scythe. Probably started when I was 10 and the reality of how friendless and hopeless I was really sunk in.
The psychologist Victor Frankl survived the Nazi death camps in WWII. He eventually became a famous author and successful therapist. He had a controversial therapeutic approach with suicidal patients. He asked them; If they wanted to die so badly, why aren't they dead already? There was always a reason and he would build upon it.
Eventually, I learned to focus on the things that gave pleasure without needing other people to achieve it. Solitary pleasure. I built model rockets and observed the weather and looked at the stars. I studied science. I watched television. I read mysteries and spy novels and science fiction. I learned to love nature and spent as much time as I could in it. That gives you something to balance against the painful parts of life.
So very true. When I tired of being lonely I immersed myself in activities and hobbies that I enjoyed. I also think this not only helped me mature but made me more attractive to my spouse when we met. Though I ascribe our meeting to the Red String of Fate.
I find black humor helpful when I get bluer than usual; I hope this is not inappropriate here.
The middle one always makes me laugh.
The middle one always makes me laugh.
Roz Chast is one of my favorite New Yorker cartoonists.
Au Naturel
Au Naturel
Red String of Fate? LOL! anime fan i see.
I was hoping someone would be drinking their coffee/tea/milk, catch the alternate meaning of "Solitary pleasure" and spew.
Well, I knew that folk tale before I got into Anime. But, I enjoyed the references to it in Kimi No Na Wa, Your Name, one of my favorites.Red String of Fate? LOL! anime fan i see.
I was hoping someone would be drinking their coffee/tea/milk, catch the alternate meaning of "Solitary pleasure" and spew.
Storm Hess
Permanent Spaceman
I didn't find my wife by remaining at home. I enrolled into a school for animation and that's where we met. Find what makes you happy and reach out to others that share your interests. Worked for me.
When I'm down, I focus on what makes me happy...exercising, writing music, art, programming, hacking, etc. What makes you happy? For me, isolation is a luxury and inviting. That's when I am at my creative best. People tend to throwing wrenches into my happy machine, so I tend to remain 'friendless' (though I am married and have children...which mentally and emotionally equal about 40 friends)
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