I’m starting to resent my younger sister

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Did everybody fail to read the whole post??? Frostee just said that even when he's just asking her how her day was, she curses him out. He also mentioned that she lashes at him after just waking up. Apparently, that is NOT HIS fault. Just because he mentioned that she doesn't do any favors for him doesn't mean he expects her to. Then if she doesn't interact with him at all, goes up to her room but never comes down until time to work again, and just slams doors in his face without him even doing anything, then that's a problem with the sister, not him!

On a side note, I thought the site was supposed to be full of people who understand and support, not point fingers, accuseaccuse of "selfishness", and judge.. What happened to that??? Now, to me, of seems like everyone's just picking on Frostee. I don't even know who the dude is, but it seems like everyone has a problem with him.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

My younger sister constantly has animosity towards me. Everyday her mood is one of passive aggressiveness and rudeness towards me, specifically.

She is never happy for me, nor is she generally decent towards me.

Every morning when she gets up she lashes out at me.

When I ask her (after work) how her day was her response is “[deleted] off” and it is the same if I ask her where she is going. She is rarely interested in interacting with me.

When she comes home from work, she goes up to bed and does not come back down again until 12 hours later when she goes to work again.

She’ll constantly hold grudges for DAYS and will never accept an apology.

She doesn’t do me any favours or anything that would benefit me.

If I ask her to get me anything from the shop, she’ll say “no” 9/10. This evening my mother asked me to transfer money to her account so she could get me donuts.

Well... guess what she didn’t get donuts claiming they were all out of date. I have just been to the shop she went to and there is plenty of donuts, none of them are out of date and I did not get my money back.

She is just a person who I am now not wanting to interact with because she is ALWAYS angry and resentful. I literally think she hates me.

Even my relationship with my half siblings is better and improving than it is with her and I have never been close with them.

Over the last few years our relationship has just gone downhill massively and it’s all on her. I don’t have any anger or mood towards her, I am never in a mood when I speak to her etc.

She just seems to have something against me. I am tired of it.

At this point I am questioning if she has some sort of personality disorder because no one is grumpy and moody constantly, no one.

I'm not sure how to handle thisthis, myself, as I've never been in a situation like that. But I would say to gather a family meeting and ask her why she is always so angry and tired. Also, ask her if you've done anything (or if she thinks) to upset her. I personally would ask "why do you hate me?", but you ask however you want. The point is, it might help to find out why she's mad, why she seems to be angry with you, and how she really feels. If she curses you out, gather a family meeting PR try to get to her through someone she likes or respects. Ask them to ask her what she has against you. Also, does she do this to only you, or is she like this towards other people, too? Cause if it's just you, it might've been something you did, she could be jealous of you for some reason, or she could have some sort of prejudice. Either way, there's a reason. And if she's like this towards other people, then that's her problem.

 

[GadAbout]

Did everybody fail to read the whole post??? Frostee just said that even when he's just asking her how her day was, she curses him out. He also mentioned that she lashes at him after just waking up. Apparently, that is NOT HIS fault. Just because he mentioned that she doesn't do any favors for him doesn't mean he expects her to. Then if she doesn't interact with him at all, goes up to her room but never comes down until time to work again, and just slams doors in his face without him even doing anything, then that's a problem with the sister, not him!

On a side note, I thought the site was supposed to be full of people who understand and support, not point fingers, accuseaccuse of "selfishness", and judge.. What happened to that??? Now, to me, of seems like everyone's just picking on Frostee. I don't even know who the dude is, but it seems like everyone has a problem with him.

Well, let's see now. Sometimes, when stuck in a thought rut, a person needs to be jostled out of it. And sometimes, when a person habitually blames all his/her problems on other people, they are in just that kind of thinking rut. And finally, sometimes when one complains continually (while objectively having things relatively good), it just gets tiresome to listen to. And this honest reaction from us here ODDLY parallels the reaction of others in Frostee's world.

As to being a supportive place - yeah, we really try to. I'm sorry you are not seeing it that way.

Has anyone been unkind to you personally, or are you just referring to people's reactions to Frostee's posts?

 

[Misery]

Did everybody fail to read the whole post??? Frostee just said that even when he's just asking her how her day was, she curses him out. He also mentioned that she lashes at him after just waking up. Apparently, that is NOT HIS fault. Just because he mentioned that she doesn't do any favors for him doesn't mean he expects her to. Then if she doesn't interact with him at all, goes up to her room but never comes down until time to work again, and just slams doors in his face without him even doing anything, then that's a problem with the sister, not him!

On a side note, I thought the site was supposed to be full of people who understand and support, not point fingers, accuseaccuse of "selfishness", and judge.. What happened to that??? Now, to me, of seems like everyone's just picking on Frostee. I don't even know who the dude is, but it seems like everyone has a problem with him.

Actually, sir, we all read the post. I know I read the whole thing.... about 5 times. I usually do that. But not just this post. All of the topics Frostee has made about this stuff. This isnt a once-off thing. It's ongoing and has been for awhile.

Frostee here has made ALOT of posts like this, all of which present pretty much the same pattern. Alot of the signs are rather obvious, and it's been often enough that even some of the members here have been getting irritated at it, which probably shows in some of the responses here. I am not among those who are irritated, though I will say that watching this situation repeat is mildly frustrating to see.

Yes, this is meant to be a supportive place... but ACTUAL support does not mean merely patting someone on the head and going "it's all okay, you're not doing anything wrong" when it's clear that this is not the case. That's the opposite of helpful. Some situations require confronting the person with whatever problem they clearly have yet are not seeing. To do otherwise almost seems... disrespectful.

But yeah, we've all been following this saga for quite some time. Nobody is picking on anyone here. A certain other forum has that issue... but not this one.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Well, let's see now. Sometimes, when stuck in a thought rut, a person needs to be jostled out of it. And sometimes, when a person habitually blames all his/her problems on other people, they are in just that kind of thinking rut. And finally, sometimes when one complains continually (while objectively having things relatively good), it just gets tiresome to listen to. And this honest reaction from us here ODDLY parallels the reaction of others in Frostee's world.

As to being a supportive place - yeah, we really try to. I'm sorry you are not seeing it that way.

Has anyone been unkind to you personally, or are you just referring to people's reactions to Frostee's posts?

Frostee isn't really blaming his problems. He says he's mostly a happy person. What he says is that his family seems to have a problem with him, and he doesn't know why. But everyone's accusing him of blaming other people for his problems or trying to expect stuff from people. All dude wants is for his family to not be angry at him all the time for once.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Actually, sir, we all read the post. I know I read the whole thing.... about 5 times. I usually do that. But not just this post. All of the topics Frostee has made about this stuff. This isnt a once-off thing. It's ongoing and has been for awhile.

Frostee here has made ALOT of posts like this, all of which present pretty much the same pattern. Alot of the signs are rather obvious, and it's been often enough that even some of the members here have been getting irritated at it, which probably shows in some of the responses here. I am not among those who are irritated, though I will say that watching this situation repeat is mildly frustrating to see.

Yes, this is meant to be a supportive place... but ACTUAL support does not mean merely patting someone on the head and going "it's all okay, you're not doing anything wrong" when it's clear that this is not the case. That's the opposite of helpful. Some situations require confronting the person with whatever problem they clearly have yet are not seeing. To do otherwise almost seems... disrespectful.

But yeah, we've all been following this saga for quite some time. Nobody is picking on anyone here. A certain other forum has that issue... but not this one.

I'm not trying to sound mean, but...

Bruh, I'm female. The point is that everyone's blaming Frostee for his relationship issues with his family, and I've read multiple posts from him, too. He doesn't seem to be the problem. It just seems like his family had a problem with him. With people getting irritated and accusing him of blaming others, that's not very supportive, either. I'm just saying. That's what it looks like.

Now some helpful advice or support would be something like "have you tried talking to them?" Or "maybe you can move out to solve the problem".

But things like "you're blaming others for your problems" or "you're annoying" is degrading and even more damaging. So of course, this guy is gonna think EVERYONE'S against him because now even the people on this forum are accusing him of sorts. Sure, he has some to rant or let out his feelings multiple times, and he wonders why these problems happen, but if you're getting irritated, it's simple. Don't post replies accusing him of his own problems or assuming that he's only pointing put other people's mistakes without trying. Just don't answer if you're annoyed with his threads. If it's that annoying, just leave him alone and ignore the posts. Now again, I'm not trying to sound mean, but from the way I see it, the guy is having family troubles, and he came to spill his feelings where people are supposed to be supportive.

 

[GadAbout]

Now some helpful advice or support would be something like "have you tried talking to them?" Or "maybe you can move out to solve the problem".

We've been telling him to move out, and he says things like "Why should I be the one to move out?" (Because it's your parents' house, for one thing!)

Tell you what, AuBurney, why don't you become Frostee's one-person support system. Report back in two months as to how much progress you've made with him.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

We've been telling him to move out, and he says things like "Why should I be the one to move out?" (Because it's your parents' house, for one thing!)

Tell you what, AuBurney, why don't you become Frostee's one-person support system. Report back in two months as to how much progress you've made with him.

The thing is, he wants his parents to love him and not be angry with him all the time. Moving out isn't going to help improve the relationship. That's one reason why I didn't move away from my mother and little brother. Besides, he probably responded like that because his father already threatened to throw him out when he probably has no other support outside the house. Then everyone's saying to move out, and that's no different than his dad trying to throw him out.

And ok, maybe I will.

 

[Misery]

I'm not trying to sound mean, but...

Bruh, I'm female. The point is that everyone's blaming Frostee for his relationship issues with his family, and I've read multiple posts from him, too. He doesn't seem to be the problem. It just seems like his family had a problem with him. With people getting irritated and accusing him of blaming others, that's not very supportive, either. I'm just saying. That's what it looks like.

Now some helpful advice or support would be something like "have you tried talking to them?" Or "maybe you can move out to solve the problem".

But things like "you're blaming others for your problems" or "you're annoying" is degrading and even more damaging. So of course, this guy is gonna think EVERYONE'S against him because now even the people on this forum are accusing him of sorts. Sure, he has some to rant or let out his feelings multiple times, and he wonders why these problems happen, but if you're getting irritated, it's simple. Don't post replies accusing him of his own problems or assuming that he's only pointing put other people's mistakes without trying. Just don't answer if you're annoyed with his threads. If it's that annoying, just leave him alone and ignore the posts. Now again, I'm not trying to sound mean, but from the way I see it, the guy is having family troubles, and he came to spill his feelings where people are supposed to be supportive.

To quote: "Now some helpful advice or support would be something like "have you tried talking to them?" Or "maybe you can move out to solve the problem"."

.....We've all done this. More than once. Again: This is an ONGOING THING. This has been going on for quite some time. It's not one post, it's not two posts, it's not five posts. It's been far longer than that. THAT is why we're pointing out what we are: Because there's been far more than enough evidence to show it. I wouldnt be commenting whatsoever if that was not the case.

If you want to take part in this.... go read his other topics first. I think you'll start to very quickly notice a pattern. Well, not just a pattern, but a certain attitude that also repeats.

Nobody has anything against him. This forum is about helping, and that's what we're all trying to do. BUT. We cant HELP him when the problem is refusing to be seen by him. And indeed, advice given on ALL of these posts has gone entirely ignored. It's always "everyone is against me". The "Maybe I have caused a problem in this situation" is never a viewpoint that is taken, and that in and of itself, is a problem.

And for the millionth time: The stuff I myself am saying is all being said from a matter of having already gone through what Frostee is talking about. That's part of why I'm even in this topic: I recognize the signs because I've lived.... and caused.... those signs.

Seriously. Nobody is trying to be mean. Nobody is disliking Frostee (well, I'm not. If I dont like someone I make it REALLY freaking obvious). Nobody is attacking.

We've been telling him to move out, and he says things like "Why should I be the one to move out?" (Because it's your parents' house, for one thing!)

Tell you what, AuBurney, why don't you become Frostee's one-person support system. Report back in two months as to how much progress you've made with him.

Now, now.... let's not get unpleasant here. That aint gonna accomplish anything.


EDIT: This is all about to go downhill, isnt it. Seeing some red flags. Indeed, let's all just stay calm.

 

[GadAbout]

Now, now.... let's not get unpleasant here. That aint gonna accomplish anything.

Excuse me?

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

To quote: "Now some helpful advice or support would be something like "have you tried talking to them?" Or "maybe you can move out to solve the problem"."

.....We've all done this. More than once. Again: This is an ONGOING THING. This has been going on for quite some time. It's not one post, it's not two posts, it's not five posts. It's been far longer than that. THAT is why we're pointing out what we are: Because there's been far more than enough evidence to show it. I wouldnt be commenting whatsoever if that was not the case.

If you want to take part in this.... go read his other topics first. I think you'll start to very quickly notice a pattern. Well, not just a pattern, but a certain attitude that also repeats.

Nobody has anything against him. This forum is about helping, and that's what we're all trying to do. BUT. We cant HELP him when the problem is refusing to be seen by him. And indeed, advice given on ALL of these posts has gone entirely ignored. It's always "everyone is against me". The "Maybe I have caused a problem in this situation" is never a viewpoint that is taken, and that in and of itself, is a problem.

And for the millionth time: The stuff I myself am saying is all being said from a matter of having already gone through what Frostee is talking about. That's part of why I'm even in this topic: I recognize the signs because I've lived.... and caused.... those signs.

Seriously. Nobody is trying to be mean. Nobody is disliking Frostee (well, I'm not. If I dont like someone I make it REALLY freaking obvious). Nobody is attacking.



Now, now.... let's not get unpleasant here. That aint gonna accomplish anything.

I already saw the pattern. So you think I haven't Felt like everyone was against me??? I used to live under a stepfather who got angry at me for every little thing. Other kids at school picked on me, and I had to come home to that. I spent every other weekend with my grandmother just to get away from my stepfather. They luckily divorced when I was 13.

The point is, just because it's ongoing doesn't mean he is refusing to try. Why else would he come on here to vent? If he really saw himself as right all the time and blamed others, he wouldn't be here asking what he's doing wrong.

 

[Aspychata]

Truthfully, l feel everybody is trying to help Frostee, and Frostee feels some help here because he comes back to chat. So the forum has helped him obviously, and sometimes help means repeating something over and over like a broken record until the person gets it.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

Truthfully, l feel everybody is trying to help Frostee, and Frostee feels some help here because he comes back to chat. So the forum has helped him obviously, and sometimes help means repeating something over and over like a broken record until the person gets it.

Ok. It just that I saw people accusing him of being "selfish", "blaming others" and "refusing to solve the problem", and it seems to make him feel more like everyone was against him. I understand they're trying to help. But saying things like "you are a so annoying" and "it's getting irritating" is making it like he's not welcomed here to vent. I was just confused.

 

[Misery]

Ok. It just that I saw people accusing him of being "selfish", "blaming others" and "refusing to solve the problem", and it seems to make him feel more like everyone was against him. I understand they're trying to help. But saying things like "you are a so annoying" and "it's getting irritating" is making it like he's not welcomed here to vent. I was just confused.

It's okay, you only just got here.

Just to help in understanding this whole saga (and where we are all going with it), I want to point something out.

First, go read it again. The very first post, I mean. You wont find any mention of Frostee asking what he, Frostee, might have done wrong. In fact, I want you to pay particular attention to THIS line, which I am quoting very directly from the original post:

"Over the last few years our relationship has just gone downhill massively and it’s all on her."

Seriously, go look at it. It's right there. "It's ALL ON HER". Again, that's the problem. The assumption is ALWAYS that it's purely the other person's fault. That Frostee might have a hand in that fault is never even acknowledged. Even though quite a few of us, merely hearing about the stories (over and over), can spot it very easily. And that aint the only problem sentence in that original post.

That line there is immediately followed with:

"She just seems to have something against me. I am tired of it.

At this point I am questioning if she has some sort of personality disorder because no one is grumpy and moody constantly, no one."

At no point is there a question about what Frostee might be doing wrong. There are ONLY questions and theories about why SHE, the sister, is at fault. There is a total refusal here to even acknowledge the POSSIBILITY that some of the fault may be Frostee's.

And that is what we are trying to help with. For Frostee to overcome these issues, he must gain understanding of the fact that no, not everything is just the other person's fault. And that he, Frostee, may be acting in ways where he is the actual cause of the problem. Or sometimes, it's both people acting up at once... but that still means some of the blame is on him. Yet, there is a total refusal to even CONSIDER this. How can the problem be fixed, if the person asking for help refuses to even see it?

We dont dislike him, and of course people are always welcome to come here and vent or ask for assistance. But while our advice can seem like a broken record as @Aspychata said, that's only because these topics are equally a broken record, where the resulting advice is ignored.


Though, you are correct: anyone saying things like "you are being so annoying" is NOT helpful. I do think responders to these posts need to be a little more careful about their tone. Though I do understand where the irritation comes from.

 

[GadAbout]

I do think responders to these posts need to be a little more careful about their tone.

Not to take that personally or anything, but watch your own tone. You aren't holier than anyone else here.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

It's okay, you only just got here.

Just to help in understanding this whole saga (and where we are all going with it), I want to point something out.

First, go read it again. The very first post, I mean. You wont find any mention of Frostee asking what he, Frostee, might have done wrong. In fact, I want you to pay particular attention to THIS line, which I am quoting very directly from the original post:

"Over the last few years our relationship has just gone downhill massively and it’s all on her."

Seriously, go look at it. It's right there. "It's ALL ON HER". Again, that's the problem. The assumption is ALWAYS that it's purely the other person's fault. That Frostee might have a hand in that fault is never even acknowledged. Even though quite a few of us, merely hearing about the stories (over and over), can spot it very easily. And that aint the only problem sentence in that original post.

That line there is immediately followed with:

"She just seems to have something against me. I am tired of it.

At this point I am questioning if she has some sort of personality disorder because no one is grumpy and moody constantly, no one."

At no point is there a question about what Frostee might be doing wrong. There are ONLY questions and theories about why SHE, the sister, is at fault. There is a total refusal here to even acknowledge the POSSIBILITY that some of the fault may be Frostee's.

And that is what we are trying to help with. For Frostee to overcome these issues, he must gain understanding of the fact that no, not everything is just the other person's fault. And that he, Frostee, may be acting in ways where he is the actual cause of the problem. Or sometimes, it's both people acting up at once... but that still means some of the blame is on him. Yet, there is a total refusal to even CONSIDER this. How can the problem be fixed, if the person asking for help refuses to even see it?

We dont dislike him, and of course people are always welcome to come here and vent or ask for assistance. But while our advice can seem like a broken record as @Aspychata said, that's only because these topics are equally a broken record, where the resulting advice is ignored.


Though, you are correct: anyone saying things like "you are being so annoying" is NOT helpful. I do think responders to these posts need to be a little more careful about their tone. Though I do understand where the irritation comes from.

I may be slow, but I'm not that stupid.. When he says "It's all on her", that doesn't necessarily mean that he's saying that it's her fault. I think what he's saying is that the reason she's always so angry is her problem as he's only tried to be nice to her. Plus, she probably does have something against him if it's only him. He might've done something in the past, she could be jealous of him for something, or she could have some sort of prejudice. He did mention that she's always in her room up until work time, so that may actually be her problem. She could be having a bad time at work. Something's up. It's not him just blaming her. When he said it's all on her, that means something's going on with her that he doesn't understand. That doesn't mean he's blaming her and saying she hates him without a reason. He just understand why she's so mad at him all the time. He also mentioned that she rudely slams the door on him, just walking outside and lashes out at him when he asks her how her day has been. Even when just waking up?

Frostee never said he wasn't at fault. He just says his family is angry at him. "She has something against me" doesn't automatically mean "It's her fault she's mad at me". And "It's all on her" doesn't automatically mean "She did this to herself and ruined the relationship". He says it's on her because she doesn't interact with him at all, and when he tries to interact with her, she's always angry at him for some reason. That's all he's saying.

 

[Aspychata]

We are all going to be adults here and realize frustration can get the better of us when we are all here to help Frostee get to the next step of maturity accepting his role in things.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

We are all going to be adults here and realize frustration can get the better of us when we are all here to help Frostee get to the next step of maturity accepting his role in things.

You're right.

 

[Frostee]

Did everybody fail to read the whole post??? Frostee just said that even when he's just asking her how her day was, she curses him out. He also mentioned that she lashes at him after just waking up. Apparently, that is NOT HIS fault. Just because he mentioned that she doesn't do any favors for him doesn't mean he expects her to. Then if she doesn't interact with him at all, goes up to her room but never comes down until time to work again, and just slams doors in his face without him even doing anything, then that's a problem with the sister, not him!

On a side note, I thought the site was supposed to be full of people who understand and support, not point fingers, accuseaccuse of "selfishness", and judge.. What happened to that??? Now, to me, of seems like everyone's just picking on Frostee. I don't even know who the dude is, but it seems like everyone has a problem with him.

I'm starting to feel irritated and resentful at these individuals on here. They clearly don't read my post, otherwise they'd see that my sister is an awkward, stubborn brat for NO REASON.

Her attitude towards me is perpetually resentful and moody.

I don't know what these people's issues is, but they clearly have a vendetta against me.

 

[Frostee]

Truthfully, l feel everybody is trying to help Frostee, and Frostee feels some help here because he comes back to chat. So the forum has helped him obviously, and sometimes help means repeating something over and over like a broken record until the person gets it.

Actually no, there are two or three users who i'm getting ready to block. They're conduct is appalling, with an extreme lack of empathy.

AuB describes exactly how I feel. Of course i'm not going to move out, I don't have any friends or a support network. Everywhere I go for support, people see my condition, that it appears to be mild and then proceed on to dismiss me because they don't think I have issues.

Because of this lack of support, I am left to deal with unaccomodating parental behaviour such as my father not allowing me to install a lock on my bedroom door, walking into my bedroom when I am in bed or going into my drawer, taking me key and moving my car WITHOUT ASKING.