I'm overly attached to something inanimate, and it's making me insane. I feel like throwing up.

[NewDrew]

My whole life, I've been addicted to video games. Ever since I was about 3, my parents said. I'm badly obsessive compulsive and have also suspected Asperger's for some time.

I'm 30 now. My video game consoles have always been there for me. I took them places to play games with friends and cousins, and they're the only thing that hasn't changed, long after my friends and cousins grew up and started hitting bars. When I'd get new consoles, I'd talk to my old ones and give them a fond farewell, and thank them for all of the time we'd spent. I would put them in the closet and hold onto them, intending to revisit them down the line.

In the past, I revisited them. I took them out of the closet, hooked them back up, and started building up collections for them. I had over a thousand games. I had no social life, and became depressed and lonely. I blamed everyone for my depression because they no longer wanted to do the things we did, like sit in bedrooms and play video games for hours. I convinced myself that video games were what made me happy, not other people.

Something finally snapped, and I finally realized how crazy this is. How I'd been a depressed shut-in my whole life. I had developed hoarder's mentality in regards to game collecting, but nobody noticed because I kept them reasonably organized due to OCD. I realized that what I was doing was a result of a bad mental illness.

I decided to weed out my collection, and just keep a dozen or so games per system. I decided to keep the childhood stuff that I was emotionally attached to. Here's where the madness begins: I'd collected duplicates of stuff, and could not identify my childhood originals. And because I have OCD and don't want to keep duplicates, the thought that I might be giving up something that I grew up with is causing me severe distress, as if a family member I love might be being switched. It's making me feel sick to my stomach. I've had some of this stuff, like the Nintendo Entertainment System, for as long as I've lived. The thought of getting rid of it feels like putting down a pet that I've had since I was born!

I always grew attached to things. I would become distressed when my parents would remodel rooms and get rid of furniture I'd grown up with. I got sad when something broke or a part got changed out. I was obsessing over keeping my game systems exactly as they were in my childhood.

I was also an addict. If people weren't into video games, I wanted nothing to do with them. I thought that was my raison d'etere. I convinced myself that secluding myself in my room was making me happy.

I heard that getting attached to inanimate objects this way was a symptom of Asperger's. Does anyone else have stuff they get attached to this way? I'm going to therapy soon for this, among other things. I wish I had realized this, and dealt with this before now.

 

[Bolletje]

I get attached to items, but not to the extent you describe. I can get pretty upset over the loss of something relatively insignificant- a lighter, or a keychain- if it’s been with me for a long time. I once cried when I had to Say goodbye to my favorite pair of shoes that I’d had so many adventures in. And when my PC got switched in for a newer model I got emotional because I’d had that case for 15 years and I felt like it was disrespectful to get rid of it, even though it’s just a bloody case with some stickers on it.
I have a drawer full of old video games which I can’t even play at the moment, but I’m not getting rid of them because I might want to play them later.

 

[NewDrew]

I get attached to items, but not to the extent you describe. I can get pretty upset over the loss of something relatively insignificant- a lighter, or a keychain- if it’s been with me for a long time. I once cried when I had to Say goodbye to my favorite pair of shoes that I’d had so many adventures in. And when my PC got switched in for a newer model I got emotional because I’d had that case for 15 years and I felt like it was disrespectful to get rid of it, even though it’s just a bloody case with some stickers on it.
I have a drawer full of old video games which I can’t even play at the moment, but I’m not getting rid of them because I might want to play them later.

I was the same way as a kid. My mom would give me a pencil as a gift, and I would cry if I lost it or it got broken. I think most people could have ended up like me, except things actually changed for them. I never got adjusted to change over time. I never moved out of the house I lived at when I was born. I would go to the same school for forever. A few friends moved away, but some not for decades. My cousins who I would go visit every single year for ages never moved from where I would go to visit them until I was in my teens and twenties. I kept nostalgic VHS tapes around for a very long time.

But I'm starting to realize that the lack of change, combined with the sentimentality a lot of Aspies have (I think I am one), caused me to live in the past. I never grew up. I never accepted that some of my cousins and childhood friends grew up and had their interests change. I never did a lot of things with my life. I waited around and expected people to do things for me.

I still don't know what I'm going to do with my childhood video games yet. Those have been such a big part of my life, but now that I don't know about them, they are causing severe obsessive compulsive thoughts that are giving me anxiety attacks. I don't know if I can even enjoy them anymore, especially not knowing whether some of them are actually mine or not.

 

[Fino]

I'm the opposite! I figure objects can be replaced, and I lose stuff all the time and periodically throw away some old stuff to make sure I don't build up clutter. The only time losing an object would bother me would be if it were cause change, but it'd be the change that'd bother me, such as having to get a new car, which I think might have to happen soon.

 

[Misery]

The behavior you describe, in terms of getting into one interest to the exclusion of others, is very typical behavior for someone on the spectrum. MOST of us on this site experience this... you're hardly alone.

Here's the thing though: Trying to cut out the hobby or interest that seems to be the "cause" of social issues almost never works. The whole thing isnt "addiction" in the classical sense.

Being on the spectrum means that alot of us are essentially hard-wired into thinking/acting in certain ways. You may have heard the term "special interest" thrown around, if you've been around these forums much. What you had with the games there.... and what I also have with them... fits that definition perfectly. We have a natural tendency to become incredibly obsessive over things. And it could be ANYTHING. It could be video games, it could be music... it could be freaking vacuum cleaners or machines that manufacture cardboard. Seriously, it can be ANYTHING. In addition some of us also do tend to get unreasonably attached to random objects. In my case, it's my keychain. I get bizarre about it, which I'm aware of. Doesnt help that it's like 3 feet long.

But these special interests (and object attachments) arent bizarre unhealthy things. They're more like anchors. They're a part of who we are, and they keep us grounded. Yes, we can get REALLY obsessive over them and sometimes act quite weird, but.... again, that's really just how we're wired.

I see people do this alot: They look at their lack of friends, look at their interests, and decide "It MUST be this thing over here that I do alot! Clearly that's the only possible cause!". They try to cut out that special interest that has been so important to them for so long, and try to go make friends....

....only to end up miserable, yet unable to quite figure out just where all the pain is coming form. The things they most loved doing are gone, and chances are, they're now hanging out with people whose interests are utterly nonsensical to them. They may even end up in those "fake" friendships that places like Facebook are so strongly based around. Often, they end up MORE depressed than they started out!

This is likely also where alot of your anxiety is coming from. You've taken that thing that meant so much to you, and are trying to shatter it. Now, as you keep doing so, confusion and chaos rules your mind. I know full well the same exact thing would happen to me if I even CONSIDERED going down that route. I have zero doubt in my mind that it would happen.

But the thing is, the interests or obsessions arent the root cause of social issues. Almost all of us, regardless of interests/obsessions (or the lack of them, as some of us have trouble getting interested in the first place) have major social problems. The only true underlying cause is that whole "we're wired differently" thing.

I've been a life-long gamer myself. Been doing it since as early as I can remember. And like most on the spectrum, I've always had social issues. I'm now 37, by the way.

But I went a different route. Trying to cut out that interest or any others seemed illogical to me. And I had no actual desire to do so anyway. I decided to roll WITH it, instead of AGAINST it. If I wanted to meet people, make friends... why not go meet others who had very similar interests? Or go to places where such people are likely to be encountered? I mean, there was a time, waaaaayyyyyyyyy back when, when games were "toys for kids". That is no longer true. I've met people 20 years older than I am, who are super into it. It's mainstream media now.... as common as TV or movies. It's *easy* to find people that are interested in it, that love it, that would love to play them with you or talk about them with you.... Been there, done that. I went from an absolute and total outcast, to someone that has met plenty of people, travelled to many conventions, and even gotten involved with actual developers... I even got to make a real game, with a real team. I even have made lasting friends (who are all into these things, and a few of them are older than I am) as a side effect of that game design contract. It really is possible for us to do stuff like this REGARDLESS of what our interests or obsessions are.

.....But it's up to YOU to actually make that leap, and THAT is the true crux of the problem. No matter what other sorts of interests you may try to take up instead, no matter what lifestyle changes you make, it will all come down to this extremely specific issue: We are simply wired so that social encounters are difficult (and some are wired to have literally zero desire to be social at all, even). Not just meeting people, but KEEPING friendships is hard. But that's also why I suggest going WITH the special interest rather than trying to do battle with it. Because then, you're not fighting on multiple fronts at once. ....Besides, most on the spectrum that try to cut out an interest/obsession simply find it replaced by a new one sooner rather than later. It's part of the equation, really....


Anyway.

I know the whole "being on the spectrum" thing is confusing, irritating, and frustrating. Problematic, overall. As someone who has gone through alot of what you went through, I figured I would just give a bit of my own perspective, gained over the last 12 years or so (my diagnosis was right around then). Whether it will help or not, I have no bloody clue. I usually just ramble and see what happens.

One more thing though. If you're looking to meet more people that you can talk to easily... this very forum is a great place to start.

Good luck to you, and welcome.

 

[Pinkie B]

Hi NewDrew!

First of all, welcome? I don't know if you're new here or not (I suppose I could check when you joined and how much you've posted...), but it seems like you're new to the idea of being an Aspie. So welcome! It's a great club to be a member of!

I actually made a post recently talking about my own attachment to inanimate things. I have these little cars that represent my boyfriend to me (an FC-RX7 and an Evora GTE) and I carry them around with me everywhere. I don't really do anything with them except occasionally panic that they're not where I thought they were and then have to drop everything until I locate them. They're my safety blankets, really.

I tend to become attached to inaminate objects like you do. I give them personalities and feelings. I also have something like 7 bicycles and each on has a name and the idea of parting with one makes me very upset. I have to sell one soon because I will be moving overseas and cannot transport it and even though he's not the highest end bike (he has some great parts, but his suspension is totally whacked), he's very stylish and good natured. He's an older bike, probably about 30 in human years, and is very chill and just likes to get out and roll over some terrain. I can't think of "selling" him. I have to think of it as "rehoming" him to someone who I know will appreciate him. His name is Jonathan, after the seagull because he looks like clouds over the ocean.

Back when I was a Christian I thought that I was "valuing material things" and so I intentionally tried to get rid of stuff, but it was always hard. Once I remembered how we "met," I just couldn't part with things. Today I think I have a healthy attachment to my stuff. I don't care for material wealth in the usual sense as in I don't want fancy, showy, expensive stuff, but I still think of my "inanimate" objects as having a spirit of a sorts that I couldn't just betray by throwing them out.

Interestingly that lady who's famous for teaching people how to tidy up says that she does the same things. She introduces herself to people's houses and thanks the items for their service before getting rid of them. It comes from the Shinto belief that spirits inhabit things and they can come and go. In Shinto you can ask a spirit to watch over you, but you should not ask for service of longer than one year at a time. Every new year you burn your old protection charms to release the gods (spirits) from their obligation to you. Then you can ask again with a new charm.

Personally, I like Shinto and animism. It speaks to me because of how I relate to my things. I don't think there's anything wrong with having feelings for "inanimate" objects. I think on the contrary it's good to show things respect and gratitude. I think the world would be a better place if more people did.

 

[Crossbreed]

I had a hard time leaving my Win XP computer for a new upgrade, because it had so many useful apps* that I cannot afford to replace. I still have it on hand, but it has no daily, practical use since it is no longer supported for anti-virus.

I had a hard time abandoning previous computers for similar reasons. Now, it is like transitioning from one used car to another.

*And peripherals, too.

 

[Misery]

Hi NewDrew!

First of all, welcome? I don't know if you're new here or not (I suppose I could check when you joined and how much you've posted...), but it seems like you're new to the idea of being an Aspie. So welcome! It's a great club to be a member of!

I actually made a post recently talking about my own attachment to inanimate things. I have these little cars that represent my boyfriend to me (an FC-RX7 and an Evora GTE) and I carry them around with me everywhere. I don't really do anything with them except occasionally panic that they're not where I thought they were and then have to drop everything until I locate them. They're my safety blankets, really.

I tend to become attached to inaminate objects like you do. I give them personalities and feelings. I also have something like 7 bicycles and each on has a name and the idea of parting with one makes me very upset. I have to sell one soon because I will be moving overseas and cannot transport it and even though he's not the highest end bike (he has some great parts, but his suspension is totally whacked), he's very stylish and good natured. He's an older bike, probably about 30 in human years, and is very chill and just likes to get out and roll over some terrain. I can't think of "selling" him. I have to think of it as "rehoming" him to someone who I know will appreciate him. His name is Jonathan, after the seagull because he looks like clouds over the ocean.

Back when I was a Christian I thought that I was "valuing material things" and so I intentionally tried to get rid of stuff, but it was always hard. Once I remembered how we "met," I just couldn't part with things. Today I think I have a healthy attachment to my stuff. I don't care for material wealth in the usual sense as in I don't want fancy, showy, expensive stuff, but I still think of my "inanimate" objects as having a spirit of a sorts that I couldn't just betray by throwing them out.

Interestingly that lady who's famous for teaching people how to tidy up says that she does the same things. She introduces herself to people's houses and thanks the items for their service before getting rid of them. It comes from the Shinto belief that spirits inhabit things and they can come and go. In Shinto you can ask a spirit to watch over you, but you should not ask for service of longer than one year at a time. Every new year you burn your old protection charms to release the gods (spirits) from their obligation to you. Then you can ask again with a new charm.

Personally, I like Shinto and animism. It speaks to me because of how I relate to my things. I don't think there's anything wrong with having feelings for "inanimate" objects. I think on the contrary it's good to show things respect and gratitude. I think the world would be a better place if more people did.

I like your entire viewpoint on this stuff.

Very similar to how I end up looking at things. I'll get attached to random things for no apparent reason, and once attached, well, it doesnt really fade. I dont name them (not really good with coming up with names, they'd all be named "Steve" or something if I tried) but I tend to get concerned if I cant find them and more than a little bothered if they get damaged. And if anyone should pick one of them up, I will constantly stare at them until they put it down. The biggest one for me is my keychain. It is like 2 feet long. It is always with me when I'm out of the house and usually wrapped around my arm. Even as odd as I tend to look, that chain is the first thing anyone notices. If I'm out of the house and DONT have it with me, everything just feels.... off. I'm also a total hoarder and cant throw anything away. I tend to feel bad for anything that does end up thrown away (that isnt straight up garbage like a paper cup). Which is... odd, but whatever.

I had mentioned the idea of "anchors" earlier when talking about special interests, but going along with what you said, it's not just the interests that provide that funciton... it is often objects that we own and treasure. It can certainly seem silly to outside observers, but.... feh. Who cares, yeah? Sure aint anything wrong with it.

I had not heard of Shinto or Animism before. Interesting. Ya learn something new every day, they say.

 

[SusanLR]

Attachment to objects for me is usually because of memory that the object brings or a sentimental emotion.
I've had the habit of buying a small necklace as a souvenir from different places I go or for certain
occasions.
I have a necklace tree that I hang them on. Someone once saw it and commented about how many
necklaces I have.
Too many to wear, only a few I sometimes actually wear, but, occasionally I will take them off the tree stand
to clean them. Those that are worn out looking and have a good memory attached to them, I put in a box where the necklaces go when retired. The others I can spend an afternoon cleaning and recalling the
memory of where it came from, or who gave it to me, and the emotion it makes me feel.
It is an experience.
Only if it is truly old and doesn't have a very special meaning to it will I throw it away.
So necklaces are my way of collecting memories and feelings and they don't take much space.

Other than that, major items being changed is just that. I don't like the change.
Tend to get used to something like a car or computer, furniture,etc. The new one doesn't feel the same.
Takes a while.

 

[Tom]

I think attachment to objects can happen to anyone and isn't specifically related to autism. Its the same for addiction to video games. Autism certainly might be an underlying factor. Hopefully the therapy is the start of figuring out if anything is going on.

 

[tducey]

We all have our favorite things. I pretty much swear by RCA TV's. I do have another TV in my computer room that's a different brand but I'm waiting to go back to work so I can get a new RCA TV.

 

[tlc]

I get that way with many things, but not quite the same. My things don't have names and I don't talk to them. But it's a combination of taking care of my things, knowing how to fix them, and not wanting to be wasteful so I keep them as long as they are capable of serving their purpose. And I do get attached to them along the way.

The strongest attachment is with cars. Not so much the memories shared, but the labor of love. I get old cars and do a lot of fixing them up, then drive them for many years, keeping them going because I can and it saves me money. If I have to get rid of one and say I recently put a new part in it, or bought a new part that I didn't get to put in yet (that I can't use on something else), it upsets me as it is unfinished business, or not used up yet. If I have to part with a car, it's worse than getting a divorce. But I do it if necessary. And I pull any parts that I might be able to use on other cars, countless parts have come in handy. Maybe because my cars (ok just about everything) has been with me longer than any life partner, and never treats me bad.

Most of my things I've had a very long time, and get attached to. I have clothes from high school because I like them and they fit. I still ride my Schwinn bike I got new in 1988. 3 of my 5 basses are from when I was a teenager. I lived in my last house for 17 years.

 

[tlc]

We all have our favorite things. I pretty much swear by RCA TV's. I do have another TV in my computer room that's a different brand but I'm waiting to go back to work so I can get a new RCA TV.

With me it's Emerson VCRs. Why? Because every one I've had, I've never had a problem with it eating tapes. I can't say that for any other VCR I've had. And I've had a bunch.