I'm not rushing into a relationship

[The Penguin]

Despite it can suck being lonely, I'm not rushing into being in a relationship. I can get jealous when I learn people found someone in their lives. But staying jealous is not going to fix my situation. Despite I had many relationships in my life, the majority of them never worked out since I rushed into things too fast. Based on this, rushing into things is not a good idea. Sure, it's nice to have that moment, feeling loved or whatever your needs are in that relationship. But you might feel worse off if that break up happens. The thing is, for that tiny moment, you felt everything was compatible. As time progress, you start to learn things are not. This happens to me many times. This is why rushed relationships normally never work.

I lost count how many months I have been single. There was a time I felt it was the end of the world not having someone in my life. Well, I'm still living so it is not the end of the world. I learn during the times I feel lonely, I need to find things to do in my life to fill in that gap. There are times I feel jealous seeing people in relationships, but I can't let this consume me.

If you want to know how to find someone in your life, you need to speak to people. Don't have expectations the person you are going to speak to will have an interest in you. You just need to keep speaking with many people and if you find someone that you do like, focus on the friendship. It might be possible you become friends, but there will never be a dating relationship. But if you keep searching to build friendships, there might be a time you will find that relationship. It can be very hard to make a dating relationship work if you don't become friends first. When becoming friends, don't start dating within the first month as that not enough time to learn about each other.

 

[Cali Cat]

Sounds like you've done some deep soul-searching and come up with healthy ways of dealing with these issues. Good job, C.W. Hope you're feeling better now.

 

[The Penguin]

Well I still feel down a lot but trying my best to manage it. Being single is not bugging me much anymore, it feeling lonely in general is. But I'm going to try to go to a social gathering next weekend. A little scared but since it at a restaurant, it not too bad. I just know the other functions they have like a party would be too much stress for me.

 

[anne.bc]

Very well said!

I am trying to fight the lonely bug. I am simply not ready for a relationship yet no matter what my brain tells me. I have now been single for three months from a nearly 8 year serious relationship and I am still "resting up" if that makes any sense.

My ex loves Grateful Dead, so he's always said "keep on truckin'" haha

 

[Voltekka_MK3]

The Penguin

This may sound rude, but do you know the reality and actual difficulty of having a stable and healthily maintained relationship? I think most people don't understand the hard truth of having a stable relationship. Think about it, after you get your dopamine satisfaction from your brain because of the magical and fictional stories you see on TV and read, do you think that in the long-term you will be able to manage the relationship financially,psychologically and realistically? Are you able to look at it from a long term perspective?

You see, relationships require a lot of time, a lot of trial and error, a lot of failure and require you to make some sacrifices. You have to realize that to have a relationship with another human, which can change at any time and also want they're own free time. You have to realize that you won't be able to do some of the stuff that you usually do. You feeling upset is the shaming that society and media is doing to you, the reason people and the media push you into relationships is so that you are easily manipulable and fall for the fairy tail of the perfect couple so that you can buy their products.

Do you also think that you won't have fights or struggle due to your bodies hormones changing over time and because your a human and humans aren't perfect? What if the person your with wants kids? Are you prepared to be a father? What if you get divorced, are you prepared to pay for alimony? Are you prepared to not go to important events because of your partner?

I've seen many men & women being unhappy,depressed and suicidal when they were in relationships/marriage. They were very unhappy beacause they would fight most of the time with their significant others due to them not finding out that there's no such thing as a "perfect" relationships. I've seen many Married men being jealous/envious of single men because of their freedom that they don't have. You won't believe how many people's lives were ruined because of manipulative people in relationships.

Realize this, humans aren't perfect, 90% of them are irrational creatures, only 10% are truly rational. They are hard to find and at the same time aren't perfect either and probably couldn't care about a relationship. You don't need to feel complete by having a relationship, being you and being free from the guilt and shaming society has used on you is what will make you complete and make you grow.

Find a passion in your life that you want to accomplish. That passion will over time mold you and complete you as a person. It will rid you of that loneliness and will make you realize how much valuable solitude is. Solitude is very important, having a good relationship with solitude will make your realize how much freedom you as a person actually have.

If your thinking about relationships, ask yourself questions and think about the long-term consequences and how it will affect you in the future. Sorry if this sounded rude, but this is all I can say.

 

[The Penguin]

Very well said!

I am trying to fight the lonely bug. I am simply not ready for a relationship yet no matter what my brain tells me. I have now been single for three months from a nearly 8 year serious relationship and I am still "resting up" if that makes any sense.

My ex loves Grateful Dead, so he's always said "keep on truckin'" haha

Wow you had a 8 year relationship too? and yes you resting up does make sense.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Oh goodness, yes, the rushing is a big issue! When I met my husband, I knew I'd jump in too hard and too fast because I was so sick of being single. My rule was that we had to wait a full year to marry, even though we both wanted to and talked about getting hitched within the first two weeks. (And my OCD told me we could not get married on any other date than the anniversary of our getting together. Heh.) It worked out, forcing myself to be patient gave us most of the time needed to work out our routines and compatibility.

 

[The Penguin]

The Penguin

This may sound rude, but ....

This is a lot of stuff you are throwing at me and most of this stuff I already know. But to summarize things, I'm very aware conflict can happen in relationships. The same thing happens in friendships. Maybe you are writing only negative stuff of relationships to get people to understand all of those elements could happen. The thing is, it's hard to know what the outcome of a relationship will be. Some people may face many of those elements you listed and others won't. But what I do know about what you did wrote is not scaring me of wanting to have a relationship with someone.

 

[Voltekka_MK3]

The Penguin

I am not trying to scare you. I am trying to be realistic. You won't get a good relationships at the snap of a finger, you need to be patient and be willing to make sacrifices. You have a ton of responsibilities in a relationships. More than you can ever imagine. You truly have to ask yourself and imagine in if it will do you good in the future.

 

[The Penguin]

The Penguin

I am not trying to scare you. I am trying to be realistic. You won't get a good relationships at the snap of a finger, you need to be patient and be willing to make sacrifices. You have a ton of responsibilities in a relationships. More than you can ever imagine. You truly have to ask yourself and imagine in if it will do you good in the future.

Yes but if you read my post, I never implied relationships are easy. Nor I never implied relationships can be built quickly.

 

[Voltekka_MK3]

The Penguin But relationships most of the time are very difficult. To truly find a good relationships it will take years of soul searching. Even then people change as they go along.

 

[The Penguin]

The Penguin But relationships most of the time are very difficult. To truly find a good relationships it will take years of soul searching. Even then people change as they go along.

Right. But it hard to know the outcome without trying. Neither you or I can say what an outcome of someone relationship is going to be. Each person is going to have difference results.

 

[Voltekka_MK3]

The Penguin If you look at the divorce rates and study how quickly relationships end the results come quite clear that relationships aren't easy. Saying that everyone will have different results doesn't negate the fact that relationships in the long-run are difficult to manage.

 

[The Penguin]

The Penguin If you look at the divorce rates and study how quickly relationships end the results come quite clear that relationships aren't easy. Saying that everyone will have different results doesn't negate the fact that relationships in the long-run are difficult to manage.

OK. You seem like your going to keep debating and I'm not interested to debate with you so lets end it right here.

 

[Voltekka_MK3]

OK. You seem like your going to keep debating and I'm not interested to debate with you so lets end it right here.

Facts are facts. But might as well then.