I'm going to vent

[Pats]

When I get to thinking about this I have a hard time letting go of it again.
I always had my brother on a pedestal believing him to be smart, always knows best, caring and a list of other good thing.
My lawyer sister has always been a pain to deal with - and I mean that literally. I can actually feel my blood pressure jump up sometimes when I'm around her.
My oldest sister was always the nurturer and more of a mother figure than my mom.
Then there was me - the youngest, gullible, always last, always the one to give in, quiet, avoiding all conflict, and grew up being the peacemaker.
My brother built a rental house - which he built cheap. Told me I needed to move into it and I didn't want to and told him that with the rent and bills I wouldn't be able to do anything else. He said I was used to not having anything anyway and convinced me I needed to move in and give my kids a nice place to grow up. I lived there probably 15 years and as things would fall apart or break my brother said he would only fix things if he raised the rent quite a bit, so I'd do my best to fix what I could. Once my kids were grown I moved out. It was nothing but a headache dealing with my brother and the house falling apart and did nothing but create conflict.
When I moved out my daughter and son-in-law wanted to move in. I didn't want them to but it was between them. So my brother decided to rent to them as is and they would be paying more rent and fix it up. They replaced all the cheap windows with good ones. They replaced the floor. They painted inside and out. They did a lot and really had it in better shape than when it was first built. But they habitually were late with rent - they'd get a couple months behind then catch up and my brother always told them that was fine as long as he got his money. I offered to send him the money for 2 months rent to hold so I would never have to worry about him kicking them out but he would say not to, that they always caught up and I didn't have to worry about him ever kicking them out. So they've been in that house over 10 years and any repairs, they have had to do. They've had to replace the stove and refrigerator and hot water heater. The heat pump went out a couple years ago but that's a bit too expensive for them to have to replace - they used small heaters and window air conditioners. The electric had become a problem - the receptacles were getting hot even not in use, and some had little burn streaks coming out of the receptacle and half of them no longer worked at all. My brother wouldn't do anything and I have my daughter and grandkids living there. The son I live with took a couple of his emplyees and bought all new receptacles and switches and whatever else and replaced them all and fixed it at his own expense and not even a thank you from my brother.
So this past summer my daughter and her family took a trip to Disney which they had been making pre-payments on for over 2 years prior, so it was already completely paid for. Oh, and just before that there had been a big storm and one of the big dogs had dug a hole in a wall in the garage, which they already had the supplies to fix it.
Well, one of the guys my son had working for him when he replaced the electric was my nephew and he sent a picture of the wall to my brother and my lawyer sister made sure my brother knew about the trip to Disney. So my brother send them a 30 day eviction notice. When my son-in-law called him to ask why, he mentioned the hole in the wall and the Disney trip along with that he was going to fix it up and sell it.
My daughter was 7 months pregnant and I asked my brother to wait until after the baby. I worry about my daughter when she's pregnant anyway because her history of acute kidney failure in the past. So he contacts them and tells them he will send them a 9 month lease and if they agree to it they could stay. Oh, also - they had recently tried to go into a different rental house but was denied because my son in law has a record of being arrested for pot when he was 18 - 12 years ago, so my brother already knew they would have no other option. So 3 weeks later they receive his lease and it says not only will the rent be $150 higher, but they were responsible for anything currently of in the future that needs repaired, including the heat pump. I sent him an email begging him to wait until after the baby, because now she's 8 months pregnant. But, nope, it was agree to the lease or be out by the end of 7 days now. My brother called me and he mentioned the damage and Disney and I said they already had the material and my son-in-laws grandpa was coming the following week to fix it and that the trip had been prepaid. (He never liked it when I took trips either, by the way). I asked him to just wait, give them a couple months. And when I told him they were not going to fix the heat pump, he told me they had 7 days to move out. I yelled for him to never talk to me again ever and hung up. I was livid.
During the move, hot and 8 months pregnant landed my daughter in the hospital with kidney stones from getting dehydrated and the pains were causing contractions and they had to keep her there until the stones passed to try to prevent her from going into labor.
My lawyer sister has always made comments to me about that house - that I tore that house apart and then left my brother to have to deal with my kids.
I told them I was orphaning myself and no longer had a family and I didn't want them to know anything about myself or my kids. I told my oldest sister we were still friends and that was better than siblings anyway.
This week was supposed to be a sister get together at Hilton Head and I said no thank you. I keep getting texts from my oldest sister about how much fun she's having. But, no, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. I don't miss them. They will never know what it feels like to have your own family member do something like that to your child. Right now my daughter and her family are staying with my other son and his family. I know they will all make it work, but it's cramped and no one has their own space. Oh, the house has been sitting there now for 2 months untouched. But I'm still having a hard time dealing with it.
Thanks for let me rant.

 

[OlLiE]

i understand that you need to vent,

when i graduated from university my father gave me 2 pieces of advice:
- never dip your pen in the company's ink (screw around at work)
- never ever ever do any kind business with family

 

[Autistamatic]

I think anyone would understand your need to vent after all that! We have this idealistic image of family that we're all brought up to expect but it can all too easily be a nightmare. At least you're doing a good job with your own brood, even if your siblings are a let down.

 

[Pats]

I think anyone would understand your need to vent after all that! We have this idealistic image of family that we're all brought up to expect but it can all too easily be a nightmare. At least you're doing a good job with your own brood, even if your siblings are a let down.

there are no emoji things for thank you, but thank you.

 

[TempeFan]

So that's what it's liken to have a family. I guess I'm not really missing anything I can't live without.

 

[BraidedPony]

I have mixed feelings about family. I think it is safer to not expect too much from family, then we don’t feel so hurt when they act dickish, like Pats brother.

 

[Major Tom]

I had a similar situation with my mother.. She begged us to move into a house she owned as a rent to own deal. So we lived there for 5 years fixing all the problems and making the place look great. We spent 1000s of $ to keep the place up.
Then one day out of the blue she showed up with paperwork for the sale of the house giving us the ultimatum to either buy now (at 50% more than she paid) or she was going to put it on the market. Needless to say, we couldn't come up with the money and she didn't take off anything from the "rent to own agreement". I was absolutely livid.
We moved out and I have not spoken to her since.

 

[Pats]

I had a similar situation with my mother.. She begged us to move into a house she owned as a rent to own deal. So we lived there for 5 years fixing all the problems and making the place look great. We spent 1000s of $ to keep the place up.
Then one day out of the blue she showed up with paperwork for the sale of the house giving us the ultimatum to either buy now (at 50% more than she paid) or she was going to put it on the market. Needless to say, we couldn't come up with the money and she didn't take off anything from the "rent to own agreement". I was absolutely livid.
We moved out and I have not spoken to her since.

That was your mother? I can't imagine doing that.
Even when I left my X 6 years ago I didn't do that. I bought a house in Georgia and one of the reasons I left was because he would not help with anything - no utility bills, not a dime toward the house payment, not groceries, nothing. When I left I told him I would not sell the house out from under him and as long as he kept up the payments he can live there. I said if he doesn't then I can't catch them up and it will be foreclosed on. If he decides he wants to sell it, we'll sell it and I would split the profit with him.
I'm not in need of anything and he has gotten behind on the house payments and has completely messed up my credit but he catches it up before it goes into foreclosure. I've been told I needed to sell it for the money but I refuse to go back on my word. Now, as far as I'm concerned it's his. I guess I'm saying I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy. Sorry your mother did that to you.

 

[Judge]

The moral of such stories? That "blood is not necessarily thicker than water" when it comes to money. I have such a story as well, involving a sibling. Though it's just too upsetting to me to repeat.

 

[Nervous Rex]

The moral of such stories? That "blood is not necessarily thicker than water" when it comes to money.

Also, "Always get everything in writing." It doesn't matter if they're family or friends. It doesn't matter how much you like and trust each other Get it in writing.

We just did a shared landscaping project with our neighbor, who we have a very good relationship with. They told us the price we'd have to pay for our part and we agreed. Our neighbor came over with a very short contract, "Nervous Rex agrees to pay Da Neighbor $X for this work." We each signed two copies and kept one copy. Once we paid them, they wrote "Paid in full" on both and we each have a copy of it. We never doubted each other and we never thought the other would do anything underhanded. That doesn't matter - we got it in writing. If any questions or accusations come up in the future, we can point to the contract and show that everything was agreed upon and is settled.

I could also tell the negative stories about how I learned that but:
A) Yuck
and
B) Other people's stories here already make the point.

 

[Judge]

Also, "Always get everything in writing." It doesn't matter if they're family or friends. It doesn't matter how much you like and trust each other Get it in writing.

We just did a shared landscaping project with our neighbor, who we have a very good relationship with. They told us the price we'd have to pay for our part and we agreed. Our neighbor came over with a very short contract, "Nervous Rex agrees to pay Da Neighbor $X for this work." We each signed two copies and kept one copy. Once we paid them, they wrote "Paid in full" on both and we each have a copy of it. We never doubted each other and we never thought the other would do anything underhanded. That doesn't matter - we got it in writing. If any questions or accusations come up in the future, we can point to the contract and show that everything was agreed upon and is settled.

I could also tell the negative stories about how I learned that but:
A) Yuck
and
B) Other people's stories here already make the point.

Good point. The tenets of contract law can often fill in many of the gaps between potential misunderstandings of family members.

 

[Pats]

Also, "Always get everything in writing." It doesn't matter if they're family or friends. It doesn't matter how much you like and trust each other Get it in writing.

We just did a shared landscaping project with our neighbor, who we have a very good relationship with. They told us the price we'd have to pay for our part and we agreed. Our neighbor came over with a very short contract, "Nervous Rex agrees to pay Da Neighbor $X for this work." We each signed two copies and kept one copy. Once we paid them, they wrote "Paid in full" on both and we each have a copy of it. We never doubted each other and we never thought the other would do anything underhanded. That doesn't matter - we got it in writing. If any questions or accusations come up in the future, we can point to the contract and show that everything was agreed upon and is settled.

I could also tell the negative stories about how I learned that but:
A) Yuck
and
B) Other people's stories here already make the point.

Would an email reassuring me that I never had to worry about him kicking them out count as in writing?

 

[Autistamatic]

I definitely don't want to go into any detail about my own family fall out, but there was nothing about it related to money, property or anything similar. Just sheer, unforgivable malice from a spiteful sibling.
All good advice given above re money & family not mixing, and I think the contracts idea is a superb one, but sometimes it doesn't need something like that to drive a wedge - just someone being nasty for it's own sake is enough.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Would an email reassuring me that I never had to worry about him kicking them out count as in writing?

That's a question for a lawyer.