I'm afraid of my diagnosis and it's driving me crazy.

[vitorlamounier]

I'll start writing from the beginning. Well, my school said I have Intellectual giftedness, and I was very happy to hear that. So I started researching the subject. I discovered neurodivergences, and while learning about them, I became very interested in autism and ADHD. I found out that I fit the DSM-5-TR criteria, so I went to a neurologist. I told him about my experiences, and he said we would investigate further. Although I was still interested in neurodivergences, I discovered personality disorders. As I learned more about them, I began to strongly suspect that I might have BPD, and now I'm afraid of having BPD than autism.

 

[TouhouFan28]

Well, you can have both BPD and autism. From what I've read on reddit, people with ASD can get misdiagnosed with BPD due to some emotional overlap symptoms. If you feel comfortable with it, what symptoms of each have you noticed?

 

[vitorlamounier]

Well, you can have both BPD and autism. From what I've read on reddit, people with ASD can get misdiagnosed with BPD due to some emotional overlap symptoms. If you feel comfortable with it, what symptoms of each have you noticed?

In my relationships, my brain tells me that the person I'm dating has simply stopped liking me and can't stand talking to me anymore. So I start observing all their behaviors, and depending on one behavior, like forgetting to say good morning or good night, I hate the person. But after we talk, I start liking them again and I test the person in various ways to find out if they still like me. I also have a great fear of abandonment.

 

[Captain Caveman]

Do not worry. You will always be you.

Instead of thinking "What if?", think "So what?" as the diagnosis is a tool used to help make life easier through the tougher bits.

So do not worry as you can't add a single hour to the day by worrying. I hope this helps?

Whatever it will be, it will be!

Also, just to add some information. Autism highs and lows can be very up and down and spiky. In other words, an autistic person who has highs and lows can go through several a day!

Bipolar highs and lows are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain which takes a while to turn from a high to a low and back (Typically a 4 day cycle between a high and a low or a low and a high I have heard). The lows and highs are very extreme. Is important for a correct diagnosis as those diagnosed wrongly with bipolar when it is autism can have double trouble to deal with as bipolar medication can actually cause bipolar symptoms in someone without bipolar, as bipolar medication is trial and error to try and restore the brains chemistry by adding the chemicals via medication. The GREAT news with bipolar is that with the correct dosage, the patient can go on to live a normal life. They will need checking now and then that the medication adjustment is right, but it is treatable.

Autism is NOT in itself treatable, but certain associated conditions caused by the autism which some autistic people can get can be treatable.


I hope this helps? And finally, Do not worry!

 

[TouhouFan28]

In my relationships, my brain tells me that the person I'm dating has simply stopped liking me and can't stand talking to me anymore. So I start observing all their behaviors, and depending on one behavior, like forgetting to say good morning or good night, I hate the person. But after we talk, I start liking them again and I test the person in various ways to find out if they still like me. I also have a great fear of abandonment.

Yep, sounds pretty much like it. I'm no psychiatrist so definitely check up with them on that. I have both BPD and autism so those are all things I did in my past relationships. Especially the observation, and overanalyzing their behaviors.

I would often times test their love by leaving them on delivered for hours to see how many times they'd text me within that timeframe. I would often times fake suicide to gauge how much they'd cry over me. I would often bring up old mistakes they did that hurt me to see how guilty they still felt about it. I would often force commitments everyday such as, "We're getting married right?", "So you hate me", "So you don't love me anymore.", "We'll be together forever right?", "You'll be loyal to me right?" When they eventually decided that enough was enough and dumped me I was going insane. I stalked their socials daily, analyzed every repost, every like, everything that confirmed that "they missed me" and that I should text them. (This went on for months.) I was toxic, manipulative, immature and mentally/emotionally draining to deal with.

It took me getting sent to the mental hospital for suicide watch and self-harm prevention in order for me to let them go and move on. (Fortunately, I'm a lot more stable now through external help)

(Though I will add, they weren't much of an angel either LMFAO)

 

[monkeyclogs]

Do not worry. You will always be you.

Instead of thinking "What if?", think "So what?" as the diagnosis is a tool used to help make life easier through the tougher bits.

So do not worry as you can't add a single hour to the day by worrying. I hope this helps?

Whatever it will be, it will be!

Also, just to add some information. Autism highs and lows can be very up and down and spiky. In other words, an autistic person who has highs and lows can go through several a day!

Bipolar highs and lows are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain which takes a while to turn from a high to a low and back (Typically a 4 day cycle between a high and a low or a low and a high I have heard). The lows and highs are very extreme. Is important for a correct diagnosis as those diagnosed wrongly with bipolar when it is autism can have double trouble to deal with as bipolar medication can actually cause bipolar symptoms in someone without bipolar, as bipolar medication is trial and error to try and restore the brains chemistry by adding the chemicals via medication. The GREAT news with bipolar is that with the correct dosage, the patient can go on to live a normal life. They will need checking now and then that the medication adjustment is right, but it is treatable.

Autism is NOT in itself treatable, but certain associated conditions caused by the autism which some autistic people can get can be treatable.


I hope this helps? And finally, Do not worry!

Although it was for the OP this certainly helps me! it's such a clearly written explanation of the differences. thank you.

 

[Matthias]

I'll start writing from the beginning. Well, my school said I have Intellectual giftedness, and I was very happy to hear that. So I started researching the subject. I discovered neurodivergences, and while learning about them, I became very interested in autism and ADHD. I found out that I fit the DSM-5-TR criteria, so I went to a neurologist. I told him about my experiences, and he said we would investigate further. Although I was still interested in neurodivergences, I discovered personality disorders. As I learned more about them, I began to strongly suspect that I might have BPD, and now I'm afraid of having BPD than autism.

The good news is BPD is curable with therapy so you can get rid of it if you have it.

 

[monkeyclogs]

In my relationships, my brain tells me that the person I'm dating has simply stopped liking me and can't stand talking to me anymore. So I start observing all their behaviors, and depending on one behavior, like forgetting to say good morning or good night, I hate the person. But after we talk, I start liking them again and I test the person in various ways to find out if they still like me. I also have a great fear of abandonment.

fear of abandonment is a common adhd trait and social anxiety can come with autism.

@TouhouFan28 is absolutely right people regularly get diagnosed with BPD later understood as autism. infact it seems very common in later diagnosed people to have had that BPD label at some point

@vitorlamounier you say the neurologist said they would investigate the neurodiversity have they completed this? I feel like maybe if they could confirm the neurodiversity profile you would be able to process it better and then see if there is anything that doesn't fit?

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome!

Well, my school said I have Intellectual giftedness, and I was very happy to hear that.

School psychology services are usually free. And they tend be more up-to-date on neuro-divergence, like giftedness, autism & ADHD.

1. Ask your school psych which test they used to determine your giftedness.*
2. Ask if they did or would test you for autism.
3. Get a copy of your IQ test scores.**

Although I was still interested in neurodivergences, I discovered personality disorders. As I learned more about them, I began to strongly suspect that I might have BPD, and now I'm afraid of having BPD than autism.

We who have both autism & giftedness [Twice-Exceptional, a.k.a. 2e] are often over-pathologized by autism-incompetent counselors. Their symptoms mask each other, but an autism-competent therapist can tell the difference.

*ASD1s usually score higher on non-verbal IQ tests than verbal ones. NTs usually score about the same on each.
**Depending on your score, you can use that info to join high IQ societies, like Mensa & Intertel. Once you leave school, IQ tests are very expensive. Mensa has an inexpensive test but they can no longer report raw IQ scores; just pass/fail. You don't have to join right away, but it still counts if you decide to join later.

 

[vergil96]

If you haven't already and don't have enough experience with psychotherapy to be able to determine that, it would be best to go to psychological diagnosis to someone who specialises both in autism and personality disorders and be honest about your concerns. There are tools to determine whether someone has a personality disorder, such as the MMPI test, they're quite effective if used by an experienced clinician. It's important to understand which one affects you, or if both, because the treatment is vastly different for autism spectrum and BPD.

You can also not have a full blown personality disorder, but have some similar mechanisms - that's also susceptible to psychotherapy. In general, personality disorders and the similar mechanisms are susceptible to psychotherapy such as CBT or DBT (more suitable for emotional instability in BPD, but also for neurodiverse persons), ADHD requires accommodations and sometimes medication, and ASD requires accommodations. A fair point about possible bipolar disorder was also made in the thread - it's another diagnosis to consider and is managed through medication. And definitely autism and the other diagnoses don't exclude each other. Either way, diagnosis is crucial, if you don't have enough information alread, because the treatment is very different. And the purpose is to make your life easier, get help.

 

[AuAL]

In my relationships, my brain tells me that the person I'm dating has simply stopped liking me and can't stand talking to me anymore. So I start observing all their behaviors, and depending on one behavior, like forgetting to say good morning or good night, I hate the person. But after we talk, I start liking them again and I test the person in various ways to find out if they still like me. I also have a great fear of abandonment.

You might want to look at Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). It sounds a close match with what you describe, in terms of behaviours, and can coexist with autism. It is not treatable with drugs, so perhaps worth a look before going down that path with “BPD”.