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I'm a friend, but I want to be more

The reality of it is it will most likely either break the friendship or make things awkward if she isn't interested in you in that way. That's why I would do more things together before making any kind of big move. Another thing is she may not be wanting to date anyone - she may be focusing on just school right now. Don't rush things. I think you need more time with her doing things to see where it is you stand.
 
Suiseiseki, maybe she had the problem. The anorexic remark seems uncalled for.

nurseangela, so it's a leap of faith without being better friends with her, and still sort of is when we're better friends. Sounds like I should just go for it since it doesn't get much better.
 
Do that then. Get into the theater and if you can act then try to do the stage part. Then the "group" can be around each other practicing lines and I'm sure they would be interested in going out as a group to see other theater plays. You can even get her to help you with your lines. You could try that for a semester - it might actually be fun.
 
Maybe, or maybe I'm gross. Girls always like to tell me just what they think of me, and it's always ones I have never said I liked. No when I try and date a girl she just stops talking to me all together.
I donno why I bother, I have quit things over far less lol
 
I guess it's perfect timing. I'm only taking four classes next semester, and I can use some of the time for the next production.
 
Suiseiseki, sounds like you need a thread of your own. You have more experience and more negativity, with all due respect. I'm by no means the go-to-guy for this. nurseangela seems pretty cool, so talk to her if you want.
 
Thing is if you move too fast without having some clue of whether she likes you or not then it could ruin everything. By getting closer to her and developing a stronger "friendship" you may figure out she really has no interest in you that way except as a friend, but you still keep the friendship. Could you be just friends with her if that's all she wanted?
 
KwiSpen said:
I want her to be happy in the end. So yeah.
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That's adorable that you want her to be happy. :) I'm a hopeless romantic. I hope it works out for you. Just take things slow. I don't understand why everyone always wants to rush everything. A good thing doesn't always come easy.
 
I don't post here often. I got interested in this topic.

I've been through what you've been through before. I'm going to post 2 link backs to my own site, because I'm not going to type it all out again:

Asperger's and Relationships - Part 1 | Asperger's Network
Asperger's and Relationships - Part 2 | Asperger's Network

What ended up happening with me, was that I moved, she moved, and then she got another boyfriend, ended up pregnant to him, and had his kid. And at the same time, she'd been working on ditching me.

The best advice I can give you is to run. Not literally, of course, but figuratively away from the feelings you have about her.
 
Suiseiseki said:
Not something I would ever attempt, I had before and it didn't go very well, rather humiliating actually, so I don't much speak to her anymore and am very distant, I doubt she cares.
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Yeah, but you've gotta get it over with. Better to be crushed than wonder and delude yourself for years, waiting and waiting for something to happen, or for your feelings to vanish, which they don't. Then you end up being crushed anyway. Might as well get the humiliation and pain over with.
 
Sylar said:
You're just going to have get her on her own and have a talk about how you feel. It will be extremely difficult and uncomfortable, and there's a good chance you won't like what she has to say but it does need to happen or you are only going to feel worse over time, and possibly even start to make her feel bad. Just get it over with and prepare for whatever she has to say. From an outsider's perspective it does seem like a one-sided thing, you say you don't see much of each other outside of the class(es) you have together which makes it sound like she's really just a friendly classmate rather than an actual friend. She may already have a boyfriend or even a girlfriend, she could have feelings for you or not, the point is that you won't know until you try.

You say you don't want to be stuck in the friend zone but unless you make your feelings clear to her you're not getting out of it. If she's interested, great. If not you will get over her pretty fast, although that may seem unlikely to you now. Good luck.
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Or you can go the subtile way, like a lot of girls do.
 
Ok, so I'm still getting mixed messages here. Amazed we've had a large-scale conversation, but that's beside the point. Anyway, for anyone still following, I think I've decided to let the crush persist and not act on it. I am getting more involved in Tinder and okCupid, so I'm putting myself out there. Thank you all for your support.
 
If that's what you think is best. I've had a lot of crushes (nothing has come from any of them) so I know that as impossible it seems you do get over them. You either find someone/something else that takes up your time and attention or you act on it and get rejected. The second one is surprisingly the easiest, at least that's what I've found. You get over the individual if you do nothing but the feeling of what if stays with you.
 
KwiSpen said:
We've been friends for a year and a half. We talk a lot. I provided a listening ear when she was stressed about the production, she provided me with understanding when I needed it. She's awesome.
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Hi
ask for the coffee date, that means a short walk and talk see if we have anything in common introduction date, keep it lite keep it short, you could do it between classes. If it goes well then a food or park date, I like picnics, if it seems right test her with small hair or hand touch see if she pulls away....:-)
 
I think that's what the contributors here think is best, Sylar. I came here for opinions, and I was certainly not disappointed. As for either a time-consumer or rejection, the time-consumer will be easiest for me, I think, since she's an awesome friend, or simple acquaintance as I've been corrected here. and I probably wouldn't take rejection well, eventually leading me to a time-consuming activity. I guess I should cut out the middle man.

Maelstrom, if I do follow through on a plan, though, would you suggest a study date instead of a coffee date? I don't drink coffee and it's possible we're taking the same final, so we could study together. Or if the key is simply hanging out together in a social setting, we've eaten together at the dining hall multiple times, and I've haven't noticed any attraction on her part, mainly because I don't know what to look for, but partially could be due to the lack of attraction.

Either way, I don't think I'll act on the urge, due to all of your advice and my current romantic prospects. Again, I cannot believe the turnout, and would like to thank you all for advising me. I really love this place.
 
[QUOTE="KwiSpen, Either way, I don't think I'll act on the urge, due to all of your advice and my current romantic prospects. Again, I cannot believe the turnout, and would like to thank you all for advising me. I really love this place.

Hi kwispen friendly warning, have done the friend thing ended up with girls who were friends nothing more. Chatting a girl up to find out if if she's okay, (not missing too many sandwiches from the picnic basket), is fine but there are two hard rules you snooze you loose, and if you end up in the friend zone you are dead period. Only the most heroic efforts can get you out of friend zone, (knight on white horse with roses maybe). But if there is no heart flutter your done. If timing or fate are off better to back off to nice friendly guy just out of reach, and wait for good oppertunity to pounce, but look sharp do your best sometimes you only get one shot at landing your dream girl.
And if you fail well, you'll do better with next one and you'll have no regrets. Best of luck to you...happy hunting.
 
Thanks Maelstrom. I'm still a bit confused at the end of the day, but maybe it's for the best. I don't think the feeling is mutual, because according to some on this thread (I won't name names, its in the thread), I'm not even a friend in the friend zone. I'm just a creepy guy who talks to her a lot and she sometimes helps me and knows I'm an aspie. I saw her in a play and afterwards she appreciated my coming, and meeting her mother (serendipitously). But she reacted to another male friend (I think just a friend) with a hug and a squeal. I knew at that moment I was crushed, in more ways than one, and I needed to get my feelings out, and onto an outlet. I came back here and wrote a thread and felt better than I was because I was really depressed at the time. Almost 40 replies later, I'm still confused, meaning I'll stagnate and perseverate on the decision and lose my opportunity. My pensiveness regarding a loss of opportunity factors into more thinking, leading to more stalling. It's a positive feedback loop with a negative consequence. This doesn't change my feelings though. She's awesome, and I want her to be happy more than I want her to be with me. If they go hand-in-hand, it'd be nice, but I don't know that. I don't know, and honestly, I don't know if I want to know.
 
nowwhat said:
Yeah, but you've gotta get it over with. Better to be crushed than wonder and delude yourself for years, waiting and waiting for something to happen, or for your feelings to vanish, which they don't. Then you end up being crushed anyway. Might as well get the humiliation and pain over with.
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Yeah I never said I don't make my intentions clear, I do, and it quickly goes south
 
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