If You Had a Friendship, What Would It Consist Of?

[Antonio]

This post is for people who don't have friends.

If you were to find someone compatible and have a friendship, what would it be like? What would the other person be like, what would you do? Would the other person be like you or be different, etc.

 

[Antonio]

I'll answer my own question to get this started I try to imagine what it would be like to have a good friendship, and I think of someone who enjoys the same things as me. Maybe we would go for long hikes because we both liked sitting in nature and we wouldn't talk much and just listen and take in the solitude. Maybe we would both play chess together. Maybe we would drink a lot together.

But what would happen when I switched my special interest to something new and he still wanted to play chess but I wanted to go, say, kayaking. Then it sort of falls apart. Also sometimes I wonder if this is starting to sound more like a romance than a friendship. Maybe such a close friendship would turn into some kind of homosexual thing. Maybe it's not possible because it's really just me looking for someone to mirror myself and be interested in what I'm interested in. Maybe that's missing the point of friendship which is to be with someone who by definition is different and where compromise is required. Maybe that's why I don't have friends.

Sorry if this is too weird or too honest or blunt. It's just me thinking out loud.

 

[The Penguin]

This would be a friend to have conversations on a regular basis. They wouldn't be a person wants to follow all trends. Instead, their interest would be based on what they like personally instead of what the market suggest what people should like. They don't have to do drugs or alcohol to have fun. We would have a lot of common interests, but some different interest too. They really enjoy hiking, camping and animals.

 

[blue_bird]

Just someone who gets along with me, and someone who doesn't look down upon me or wants to use me just because they know I need a friend in my life. Sometimes friends are calculating in that they see an opportunity to gain something from you, and then they say goodbye when that goal is achieved. I just want to have a friend who, when I'm around them, I don't feel my usual insecure self. Someone who genuinely sees me as being okay just as I am.

 

[Randomperson]

What Blue said, I have not ever had a "friend", but that sounds pretty good Blue.

 

[Harrison]

Just someone who gets along with me, and someone who doesn't look down upon me or wants to use me just because they know I need a friend in my life. Sometimes friends are calculating in that they see an opportunity to gain something from you, and then they say goodbye when that goal is achieved. I just want to have a friend who, when I'm around them, I don't feel my usual insecure self. Someone who genuinely sees me as being okay just as I am.

That would do for me too.

 

[GoofKing]

Just someone who gets along with me, and someone who doesn't look down upon me or wants to use me just because they know I need a friend in my life. Sometimes friends are calculating in that they see an opportunity to gain something from you, and then they say goodbye when that goal is achieved. I just want to have a friend who, when I'm around them, I don't feel my usual insecure self. Someone who genuinely sees me as being okay just as I am.

I want that in a friend and someone whom I can talk to about my interests with :/

 

[StephF]

Some one intelligent with a sense of humour. Somewhat geeky with an ability to think outside the box. Some one who enjoys linguistic humour and geek jokes.

 

[artfull dodger]

Most of my friendships thru the years have focused around shared obsessions, ie the person had the same hobbies that I had. As as child I had sort of friends thru others. But those I didnt hang out with on my own, I only saw them when I was with my true friend. If someone doesnt share the same interests as me or same obsessions/hobbies, I find it hard to find to get along or find things to talk about. When I first discoved the opposite sex, the only reason I did was for the sex part and not for friendship as I found girls extreamly complex and confusing and that didnt work for me. I am married now, but it took a long time to find her, someone that tollerated me and now that I am diagnosed, better understand and help me. Mike

 

[GoofKing]

Some one intelligent with a sense of humour. Somewhat geeky with an ability to think outside the box. Some one who enjoys linguistic humour and geek jokes.

Well, there are ten kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary code and those who don't

 

[StephF]

There are two kinds of people in the world.
1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I'm currently working on building friendships with 3 different people, hoping something will work out. So, I guess my response has to do with what I'm hoping those relationships will look like eventually, since they're not there yet.

I want someone I can tell anything to and not be afraid of rejection, and I'm happy to return the favor. I want someone who will be honest with me and tell me the hard things that I need to hear, that hold me accountable to right living. If I'm being a whiny brat, I want someone who will tell me that and remind me that this is not who I want to be.

I want someone who will show some interest in my obsessions, not as a perfunctory obligation, but because they're sincerely interested in me. I've worked for 2 decades to develop that same skill in myself, and it's fun the things I learn from other people when I engage in their interests and ask thoughtful questions. Doesn't mean I go home and research the heck out of it myself, but I can at least carry on an intelligent conversation about a lot of different topics because I listen to what people are learning as they pursue their own interests.

I want someone who understands the challenges of living with codependent family members, and who can give me advice and encouragement when interactions with those people trigger these crazy mood swings. But I don't want this friend to be an enabler, either, patting me on the head and saying, "Oh you poor thing, the world is out to get you." A better response, maybe, "That's terrible. I can't believe they did that. So what are you going to do about it?" And then they help keep me focused on what's my responsibility without getting bogged down in what is NOT my responsibility.

I want someone I trust enough that I can, maybe, perhaps, someday, be emotionally vulnerable instead of constantly in "leery" mode...not sure if that's even possible for me at this point. It hurts so, so much to be around people but to never be myself with them. And it hurts even more when I try being myself, and no one seems to notice or care, or worse if they reject me for it. I've got some serious abandonment issues, sorry.