I mulled over this for quite some time. My decision was fraught with indecision as there were so many choices. At first,I considered many of the Disney strumpets,but wasn't sure whose reputation would destroy the image of the others

The I went down the list of the many popular female actresses,but either the hair color was wrong,or they would have to undergo massive surgery to make them look like I do,so that's not an option
Ok,moving along now,having a female won't work,so next I had to choose from the men. Nick Cage...na,the personality isn't a fit,and besides that,I'm waaaay cooler than Nick

Keifer Sutherland? Might work,but he will have to grow some more hair for the role...I'm talkin' a lot of hair. How long until the production date?

Steve McQueen...he's cool enough,but digging him up may present an obstacle...nope,might stink a little too

I tried to get Clint Eastwood to play me,but he said he was only willing if he got to direct the film,and artistic differences WERE going to clash from day one
After considerable time was spent trying to find a match,I decided to use my powers as the director to insist that I got to choose who would play the leading man. You guessed it,I chose me to play me,just to keep it as authentic as possible. Sorry Disney gutter girls,better luck next time
