If a woman says she loves you

[Aspergers_Aspie]

If a woman says she loves you to a man but then wears revealing clothing when out in a friend group to a club, would the woman don't you think wear non revealing clothing?

 

[Bolletje]

Why would you think the two are related?
It seems to me like you have certain expectations, but remember that things that are inherently connected in your head may not be that way for others.

 

[Rodafina]

Not necessarily. “Revealing clothing” may not mean anything more than that she likes those clothes. To her, it could be fashionable or fun or even comfortable. Her clothing choices are no reflection on how much she can love someone.

 

[Bolletje]

If I (hypothetically) tell someone I love them, that is me expressing a feeling.

If I then stand in the middle of a crowded street completely naked, that does not mean what I said before is not true. The two are not related.

But what I think the connection you made is, is that you expect someone that expresses that specific feeling, to do or not do certain things (like, for instance, standing in the middle of a crowded street completely naked)

 

[Hypnalis]

@Aspergers_Aspie

Is this about you or someone else?

FWIW, in general, the scenario you've described is a negative indicator.

For a given individual, if the clothes they wear when out with single friends is significantly more "revealing" than what they wear when they're out with their SO, it's not because they like that kind of clothing, it's 100% because they're looking for attention from men other than the SO.

 

[Bolletje]

@Aspergers_Aspie

Is this about you or someone else?

FWIW, in general, the scenario you've described is a negative indicator.

For a given individual, if the clothes they wear when out with single friends is significantly more "revealing" than what they wear when they're out with their SO, it's not because they like that kind of clothing, it's 100% because they're looking for attention from men other than the SO.

Yikes, I disagree with you there. Oversimplification and generalization to a high degree. 100%?

 

[Hypnalis]

@Bolletje

Yep. 100%.

If course people play around with the definition of "revealing".

You can make a good case for wearing less clothing on hot days, and when doing something energetic (including dancing). But sports gear doesn't look like "attention-seeking" clothing. Nor does hot-weather gear.

Of course if you ask someone about that kind of clothing, they'll say it's "for themselves" almost every time. Which is a deliberate (though widely used) half-truth.

It's for competing with all the other people looking for attention from the same set of targets.

 

[Bolletje]

@Hypnalis you sound incredibly misogynistic in your responses to this topic. I’m not sure you’re intending to come off that way, so I wanted to let you know that’s how it reads.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Bolletje

Facts are not misogynistic. Unpopular facts often get unreasonable responses though

I'm confident the OP asked a serious question - their track record in that respect is solid.
But it is, by nature, an uncomfortable question. He's literally asking about the future of a relationship. In a world where 50% of marriages end in divorce, and 80% of the divorces are initiated by the ex-wife.

Only a fool would burn down a good relationship due to unjustified jealousy.
But equally, only a fool will invest time and energy in an unsuitable potential life-partner.

Clearly I should give him the most useful response I can, based on the question. And uncomfortable questions tend to require uncomfortable answers.

So here we are.
Don't skip directly to "thought-terminating cliches" unless you have tangible evidence.

 

[Outdated]

If a woman says she loves you to a man but then wears revealing clothing when out in a friend group to a club, would the woman don't you think wear non revealing clothing?

The answer to the question is irrelevant in this case. The simple fact that you feel the need to ask this question says that you have doubts about the relationship.

Perhaps a bit of a break and some space to really think is what you need.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

Not necessarily. ”Revealing clothing” may not mean anything more than that she likes those clothes. To her, it could be fashionable or fun or even comfortable. Her clothing choices are no reflection on how much she can love someone.

Yes I can see that now thanks

 

[Sasha22]

It seems to me that she's the only one who can answer that question - if you need the answer, that is. Wearing revealing clothing can indeed mean different things for different people, and the only way to find out more is to communicate.

Edit: Ok maybe it's not the "only" way but it is the best and most reliable way to get clarity in a straight-shooter fashion within an honest relationship.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

On one hand, there are some situations where, if a partner is not happy with the relationship, for whatever reason, and is not communicating, or the other person is not receptive, there may be some truth to the fact that someone may be "putting new bait on the hook". That new boob job, or suddenly becoming healthy and fit, might not be for you, but someone else in the future.

On the other hand, as others mentioned, it may be for you, it may be for their own self-esteem to look attractive. "I've got a partner, but thanks for looking."

When in doubt, communicate.

A story:

A few years back, my wife and I were at the local farmer's market. This couple walks in, the woman is probably in her mid-40's, pleasant looking, well put together, she's wearing this bright magenta dress, nothing revealing per se, but it fit her well and she looked great in it. I also noticed an implantable device for intravenous access under her left clavicle. These are typically used for infusions of cancer meds, etc. Let's say she's been though some scary health issues.

At any rate, my wife and I are done shopping, and standing there at the checkout register, this couple walks up behind us ready to check out, as well. Just as we are done, I looked back at this woman and say, "That dress looks great on you." She lights up with a smile. I didn't even look at her husband. Then my wife and I walk out.

My wife gets in the car, gives me a kiss, and says, "That was so sweet of you."

In that moment, I realized, I probably got that man laid. It's one thing for a husband to say to his wife, "You look beautiful." It's quite another when another man confirms it. The level of self-esteem rises quite a bit.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

On one hand, there are some situations where, if a partner is not happy with the relationship, for whatever reason, and is not communicating, or the other person is not receptive, there may be some truth to the fact that someone may be "putting new bait on the hook". That new boob job, or suddenly becoming healthy and fit, might not be for you, but someone else in the future.

On the other hand, as others mentioned, it may be for you, it may be for their own self-esteem to look attractive. "I've got a partner, but thanks for looking."

When in doubt, communicate.

A story:

A few years back, my wife and I were at the local farmer's market. This couple walks in, the woman is probably in her mid-40's, pleasant looking, well put together, she's wearing this bright magenta dress, nothing revealing per se, but it fit her well and she looked great in it. I also noticed an implantable device for intravenous access under her left clavicle. These are typically used for infusions of cancer meds, etc. Let's say she's been though some scary health issues.

At any rate, my wife and I are done shopping, and standing there at the checkout register, this couple walks up behind us ready to check out, as well. Just as we are done, I looked back at this woman and say, "That dress looks great on you." She lights up with a smile. I didn't even look at her husband. Then my wife and I walk out.

My wife gets in the car, gives me a kiss, and says, "That was so sweet of you."

In that moment, I realized, I probably got that man laid. It's one thing for a husband to say to his wife, "You look beautiful." It's quite another when another man confirms it. The level of self-esteem rises quite a bit.

I dont understand I have a partner thanks for looking, to me she would either have feelings for her partner and therefore have no interest in others or doesn't really have feelings for her partner

 

[elgat0verde]

If a woman says she loves you to a man but then wears revealing clothing when out in a friend group to a club, would the woman don't you think wear non revealing clothing?

Why?

Every time you're in a relationship it's a jump into the unknown, sadly, what she wears does not reflect about how she feels.

You can't only look at one specific thing and say "Yep, she doesn't love me"

That thought destroyed a LOT of my former relationships my friend and it's very unhealthy. Unless she has given you other indications of her not loving you anymore there is nothing to worry about.

Also, why come to a forum to ask this instead of talking to her directly?

 

[The_Walrus]

I wouldn’t read anything into what she wears.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

Why?

Every time you're in a relationship it's a jump into the unknown, sadly, what she wears does not reflect about how she feels.

You can't only look at one specific thing and say "Yep, she doesn't love me"

That thought destroyed a LOT of my former relationships my friend and it's very unhealthy. Unless she has given you other indications of her not loving you anymore there is nothing to worry about.

Also, why come to a forum to ask this instead of talking to her directly?

Thanks. I have an unfortunate habit of acting on impulse rather than taking a step back.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

I feel my thoughts have been unfair on her

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I dont understand I have a partner thanks for looking, to me she would either have feelings for her partner and therefore have no interest in others or doesn't really have feelings for her partner

Look at it from the perspective that, unfortunately, it seems a lot of women have self-esteem issues. Many women want to be attractive, period. It's often for them. It may have nothing to do with "looking for another" or being "promiscuous". It may have nothing to do with your partner's feelings towards you. It's a huge dopamine hit for someone to give you notice, man or a woman, as was in my example above.

As a man, I'm telling you if you come off as insecure and try to control this, she is going to think less of you. Don't be a controlling "beta" male, it's toxic. If she wants to get all dressed up and look nice out in public, especially if she is asking your opinion on things, encourage it. Be an "alpha" and show her off. This is not something you want to inhibit. Some day, when you're a lot older and both your looks have faded, you'll understand this better. If the girl on your arm can cause a traffic accident with her looks, raise your chin up high brother.

All that said, it's HER choice to look the way she looks. If she wants to wear jeans and a sweatshirt, shut up and go with it.

 

[Aspergers_Aspie]

thanks everyone for your replies