I'd Like to Get My Own Place to Live Before 18

[Joshua the Writer]

Note: Click on my username if you need to research my state's laws. I'm 16, btw.

I really want my own place to live. As soon as possible. I just want to have more independence. I know that would be challenging in of itself. Especially with my Autism. However, I'll just try to work out any problems that do come my way. I just like the idea of living on my own in my own place under my own rules. I

I am still a high school student (going to be a junior next year), however, since I do take online school, that should be easy to get done as long as I have decent internet and a decent PC (either a desktop or laptop will do). I do plan on applying for a job at Publix (and some other places, plz suggest) soon. I am also going to take a driver's permit test soon. Hopefully, I can take the test for my license only a month or two after receiving my permit, and then I'd find a car.

For school, I just have to remember to look at my schedule in the site I use. I would also read my textbooks and other lesson content out loud to myself. Oh, yeah. And I'll take lots of notes and study hard.

Since I'm going to keep to myself most of the time and I prefer to abide by the law, I will most likely not get into trouble with my neighbors.

I'll also set up an alarm for mornings where I need to wake up to go to work (although I already wake up pretty early. Just in case, tho).

To shorten things up, here are a list of a few essentials I have thought of (not in any specific order, BTW):

• Furniture (Will take the bed that's in my room right now)
• Television (no higher than a 1080p display because budgeting)
• Internet (I'll most likely choose AT&T Spectrum, as that is what my parents are using RN, and I am satisfied with its performance)
• Desktop PC (AKA the custom PC gaming build I'm saving up for)
• Laptop (Will save up for this one)
• Cellphone
• Phone service
• Car
• Emotional Support Dog (because I want "Aww" instead of anxiety)
• Home Defense?!? (Big bore air rifles are not regulated because they aren't firearms, so they could possible be sold to those under 18. If not, I'll just have my parents pick one up and then pay them off. I could get something like this or this. Trust me, I won't do good in a hand-to-hand situation)
• Job

The toughest part about this is convincing my parents. They think I'd have be 18 to get an apartment or rent a house, but I could just pay off the landlord/landlady in cash. The job I'd get will help pay the bills. I also started making a game with RPG Maker XP (TBA on these forums in a month or two, I literally started yesterday), and I plan on starting a Patreon page for it as a crowdfunding type of deal so I can get money off of making it before the full release. I will most likely put the testing version on GameJolt before I get enough recognition before putting it on Steam. My parents probably just want to keep me at home for as long as possible. Probably because of emotional attachment reasons for my mom. There is an apartment complex that is right behind an outdoor mall not too far away from where I am right now. And I mean, like, a 2-5 minute drive. I'm most likely more ready than they think. How do I convince my parents?

Any other advice?

 

[tree]

What's the rush?

Also, what does "The job I'd get will help pay the bills." mean?
Help?
Wouldn't you be paying all the bills, once you are emancipated?

Are any of the money making ideas in force, at this time?
Or they all in the future?
----
I'd think that your parents would be more likely to put faith in the
idea of your independent living after you'd secured employment and
succeeded at that for a length of time.

 

[BrokenBoy]

Couldn't you go on welfare til you got a good job?

 

[Graphin]

why would you need television when you have internet?

I'd try to "trial" it at first somehow, there will be a lot of unexpected things coming up that may overwhelm you.

As for your parents I don't know, mine either want throw me out or don't allow me out all day.

 

[Fino]

Do you live in one of those states where everything is so cheap it seems free from my perspective?

Or would you have a lot of roommates?

Getting a minimum wage job here would be not be nearly enough for rent, let alone food, utilities, car insurance, health insurance, phone bill, gas, unexpected costs such as car repair, and any other odd, little fees that come up, like the trash service for the apartment complex.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

What's the rush?

What rush? I've been dreaming of getting my own place before 18 since I was 12. And probably waiting, too. So far, I have noticed no rush. I just want to be independent and have my own place to call home.

Also, what does "The job I'd get will help pay the bills." mean?
Help?
Wouldn't you be paying all the bills, once you are emancipated?

Yes. I will be paying the bills once I gain my independence. "The job I'd get will help pay the bills" means that I'll spend a significant portion of my income from doing that job on stuff such as internet, cell service, electric, etc. It's a figure of speech.

Are any of the money making ideas in force, at this time?
Or they all in the future?

I'll be looking for jobs pretty soon.

I'd think that your parents would be more likely to put faith in the
idea of your independent living after you'd secured employment and
succeeded at that for a length of time.

Hopefully. We'll just have to see.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

why would you need television when you have internet?

I'd try to "trial" it at first somehow, there will be a lot of unexpected things coming up that may overwhelm you.

As for your parents I don't know, mine either want throw me out or don't allow me out all day.

I meant television as in the display, itself, rather than the service through cable or bunny ears. I may just get a streaming box such as a Roku, Amazon Fire TV, or something.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

Do you live in one of those states where everything is so cheap it seems free from my perspective?

Or would you have a lot of roommates?

Getting a minimum wage job here would be not be nearly enough for rent, let alone food, utilities, car insurance, health insurance, phone bill, gas, unexpected costs such as car repair, and any other odd, little fees that come up, like the trash service for the apartment complex.

Well, according to smartasset,

If you’re just not ready to drop the money on a down payment for a home, renting is a viable choice in South Carolina. According to Apartment List’s 2019 data, the median rents for one bedroom and two bedroom apartments in South Carolina are $764 and $916, respectively. For two bedrooms, that’s $259 cheaper than the national median. One bedrooms have a smaller $183 difference.

That is cheaper than the gaming setup I am saving up for, with or without the laptop combined into that setup. Seems pretty cheap to me. Any minimum-wage job can cover that as long as I don't face discrimination based off my Autism (which is highly unlikely).

The midlands (my area) also seem to have the cheapest house rental in my state. Renting a home in Columbia is $1,215 a month.

I'd also let my Dad help me with budgeting stuff, since he is an accountant, making him highly reliable and trustworthy for such a task.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

Couldn't you go on welfare til you got a good job?

I'm pretty sure you need an already-existing source of income to get welfare. That must be coming from some type of job. That is how it works in my state, at least. Your state may be different.

I am also looking into service for autistic people so I can have some assistance, though.

 

[tducey]

It's your decision to make of course.My autism means I can't live on my own but everyone's Autism is different. I'd research the pros and cons of this first if I were you.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

It's your decision to make of course.My autism means I can't live on my own but everyone's Autism is different. I'd research the pros and cons of this first if I were you.

Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.

 

[Fino]

Well, according to smartasset,

That is cheaper than the gaming setup I am saving up for, with or without the laptop combined into that setup. Seems pretty cheap to me. Any minimum-wage job can cover that as long as I don't face discrimination based off my Autism (which is highly unlikely).

The midlands (my area) also seem to have the cheapest house rental in my state. Renting a home in Columbia is $1,215 a month.

I'd also let my Dad help me with budgeting stuff, since he is an accountant, making him highly reliable and trustworthy for such a task.

According to Google, the minimum wage is $7.25 over there. That would get you about $1,100 a month, before taxes. If you go with the $760 one-bedroom you quoted, you're only left with about $350, and that's only if the job you get gave you 40 hours every week, which it certainly wouldn't.

So even if you pretend you will get 40 hours every week and pretend taxes don't exist, $350 couldn't possibly cover car insurance, health insurance, gas, food, utilities, sudden expenses such as car repairs, phone bill, internet, etc.

This is why there's a fight for an increase in minimum wage. Minimum wage is a not a liveable wage.

 

[tlc]

At twice the minimum wage I couldn't afford all those things.

I use Excel to keep track of all my expenses each year. Reason I go a year is at least here, expenses skyrocket in winter. Might be similar for you in summer. Really think about it first, because if not you'll find out later when you're in a bad spot and hopefully you haven't burned your bridges. Listen to the many posters here who already do it every day. Nobody wants you to end up in a bad predicament.

Expenses really add up fast, it will shock you. And as posted, you probably won't get 40 hours a week when in school, there are child labor laws (at least here). You wouldn't want to anyway, both school and work would suffer. There are only so many hours in a day. Then find time to support an animal?

Figure what you absolutely have to have. Animals are very expensive. So are cars. You likely don't need a car if you're that close or can do public transit. And lots of things on your list can be combined into fewer devices.

I think the best way to show your parents that you are responsible is to get that job. Work it responsibly, keep up your schoolwork. Build up a savings account. See how much you actually have and pretend that you are putting it toward all those expenses. And always keep extra because "stuff" happens. Learn from others about how much things actually cost, including your parents, they know. That's part of being responsible. Build that game that you plan to do and bank the money you may earn. Keep up your finances on paper and show your parents that you are serious about your plans. Keep doing this for 2 years and when you're of age, you'll have a good start on getting out on your own.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Well, according to smartasset,

That is cheaper than the gaming setup I am saving up for, with or without the laptop combined into that setup. Seems pretty cheap to me. Any minimum-wage job can cover that as long as I don't face discrimination based off my Autism (which is highly unlikely).

The midlands (my area) also seem to have the cheapest house rental in my state. Renting a home in Columbia is $1,215 a month.

I'd also let my Dad help me with budgeting stuff, since he is an accountant, making him highly reliable and trustworthy for such a task.

You are vastly underestimating how much it costs to live, and I assume over estimating how much you will earn. Maybe get your parents to take you through all of their monthly expenses, if your dad is an accountant he should be able to explain how much it will cost you to live alone vs how much you can expect to earn.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

You are vastly underestimating how much it costs to live, and I assume over estimating how much you will earn. Maybe get your parents to take you through all of their monthly expenses, if your dad is an accountant he should be able to explain how much it will cost you to live alone vs how much you can expect to earn.

Except my parents own a home. I'm probably renting a one-bedroom apartment. Maybe even a 2-room if I want a guest room that I can convert into a VR room if needed.

How low-paying minimum-wage jobs are also mostly overexaggerated by teachers to attempt to reinforce their arguments on why to go to extremely expensive colleges.

 

[tlc]

Except my parents own a home. I'm probably renting a one-bedroom apartment. Maybe even a 2-room if I want a guest room that I can convert into a VR room if needed.

They would still likely have a good idea. They likely either know people who rent, or explored buying vs renting in their decision to buy a house. They may have even rented before that. Renting you often need first and last month's rent, plus a security deposit, just to get started. Many also require good references before they will consider you to live there. Some have restrictions on animals and guests too.

Consider yourself thankful that you have a home, and plenty of time to learn all these things. Some people have unfortunate circumstances and suddenly end up on the street and have to learn things by experience and failure.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

At twice the minimum wage I couldn't afford all those things.

I use Excel to keep track of all my expenses each year. Reason I go a year is at least here, expenses skyrocket in winter. Might be similar for you in summer. Really think about it first, because if not you'll find out later when you're in a bad spot and hopefully you haven't burned your bridges. Listen to the many posters here who already do it every day. Nobody wants you to end up in a bad predicament.

Yes. SC is one of those states that tends to be more hot and humid during the summer. However, the apartment building that I'd like to live in finished construction, like, one or two years ago, so all of its systems should be running efficiently.

Expenses really add up fast, it will shock you. And as posted, you probably won't get 40 hours a week when in school, there are child labor laws (at least here). You wouldn't want to anyway, both school and work would suffer. There are only so many hours in a day. Then find time to support an animal?

Here is an excerpt from this job-applications.com article:

During school weeks, individuals under 16 years of age may work no more than three hours per day. The total hours of labor in a week must stay less than 18. Minors may not work between the hours of 7:00pm and 7:00am. The regulations pertain to any day in the calendar where school remains in standard academic session. On non-school weeks, minors may work up to eight hours a day and 40 weekly. The time constraint also extends to 9:00pm.

No restrictions apply to the permissible work shifts of teenagers sixteen years of age and older. Individuals may work as needed to meet the requirements of the position. When an employee starts a job, the supervisor or manager must notify the worker in writing of the normal hours of anticipated labor. South Carolina law does not require employers to provide workers with meal breaks or rest periods.

This is for my state, btw. I'll work more when school is out for stuff like winter break, too.

Figure what you absolutely have to have. Animals are very expensive. So are cars. You likely don't need a car if you're that close or can do public transit. And lots of things on your list can be combined into fewer devices.

There is no definite answer to if dogs are expensive or not. The price to raise a dog varies between breed, the dog breeder's/animal shelter's adoption price, and even the exact food brand you give the dog. If I don't have time to walk my dog or something on a particular day, I can ask a friend that is a youth leader. I'm also going to start scheduling my time better. I'm pretty sure I can find plenty of time for a good doggo.

I think the best way to show your parents that you are responsible is to get that job. Work it responsibly, keep up your schoolwork. Build up a savings account. See how much you actually have and pretend that you are putting it toward all those expenses. And always keep extra because "stuff" happens. Learn from others about how much things actually cost, including your parents, they know. That's part of being responsible. Build that game that you plan to do and bank the money you may earn. Keep up your finances on paper and show your parents that you are serious about your plans. Keep doing this for 2 years and when you're of age, you'll have a good start on getting out on your own.

Okay, cool. Got it. Thanks for the advice. I want to be on my own before 18, though. Maybe when I'm of age, I won't have to pay the landlord/lady in cash, as I'll be able to sign a legally-binding contract at that age.

 

[Fino]

Except my parents own a home. I'm probably renting a one-bedroom apartment. Maybe even a 2-room if I want a guest room that I can convert into a VR room if needed.

How low-paying minimum-wage jobs are also mostly overexaggerated by teachers to attempt to reinforce their arguments on why to go to extremely expensive colleges.

There's no way to exaggerate, it's all just math. You yourself can find out how much you'll be paid and how much things cost then compare. Nothing subjective is involved.

That's what makes it so fun!

 

[100skerls]

I used to want to move out and be independent when I was younger. Unfortunately I don’t know how much of my struggles with actually being on my own are due to the nature of how I was kicked out and kind of fell into the traumatic living experiences I’ve had since then. Maybe if I’d had been able to be move out when I wanted to and how I wanted to with normal support from my parents the idea of being independent wouldn’t be as terrifying as it is to me.

But honestly I really doubt it. Living alone makes me feel lonely because it puts a spotlight on the fact that my differences ostracize me. The company of my mom who is starting to understand me really helps with that and I deeply appreciate her presence.

When I was younger (around your age, I’m 22) I felt I wanted to move out because there was a lot of misunderstanding between me and the rest of the family and the environment was not very positive a lot of the time which was very hard for me and I think I needed to have something to look forward to because I couldn’t imagine how things with my family could get better. I guess I’m just wondering if you’re willing to share what might be driving your desire for independence? Rules aside, how are your relationships with your family members? Do you feel there is a lot of misunderstanding between you and them?

I’d focus on that and if you think that might be a big part of it then I’d caution you from really trying to get independence and getting away from them because it might send the signal that you don’t appreciate them or think you need them and they might respond by not helping you.

I think with all of my challenges personally (adhd, (currently self-diagnosed) ASD, and anxiety) everything was just so much harder and more traumatic. The scariest year of my life was the year my mom kicked me out hands down! Really think about it logically. I went from being a kid and living like a kid to being totally independent and it felt like I was an abandoned baby bird. I didn’t know who I could trust, I felt unstable, I was scraping by and living with lots of other people, frequently felt unsafe, had a very manipulative relationship I felt I couldn’t get out of, started having panic attacks frequently, and I was so sad and unhappy that I stopped enjoying and listening to music for about two years. I was jealous of the life I had before when I enjoyed music and was at least happy sometimes. And I was very angry with myself for whatever it is I did that caused everything to become how it became and carried a lot of shame and felt I must have been a very bad daughter. But it was also very confusing and because I didn’t and still don’t really understand why it all happened I kind of refuse to talk about it with anyone because honestly I’m very scared that if I say people might see something I don’t see about myself and will see something very unfavorable in me the way my mom did.

I have normalized a lot more at home (mask a bit better) and don’t feel as uncomfortable about it anymore (I minimize the masking and only do it to a degree that doesn’t make me feel I’m not me). Basically the pros of having my mom around now outweigh the discomfort of acting a bit not myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m not loved really for who I am but I can be myself a decent amount so that feeling is minimal and honestly I believe this is probably about as good and normal a living situation I can get without living with my boyfriend who likes how odd I am.

Basically what I’m trying to say is I know how you feel and be careful because I think by wanting independence I may have unintentionally caused myself a lot of hardships maybe by not investing enough effort into trying to find mutual understanding and respect in my family. Maybe it’s something you have to learn the hard way like I did. But if you can help it use caution. Even if you think you are being respectful remember that people can and will perceive you differently. Don’t underestimate how much you might need support and be very careful about the messages you send to your family because those bridges can be much harder to rebuild as an adult and it’s made harder by the ASD.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I used to want to move out and be independent when I was younger. Unfortunately I don’t know how much of my struggles with actually being on my own are due to the nature of how I was kicked out and kind of fell into the traumatic living experiences I’ve had since then. Maybe if I’d had been able to be move out when I wanted to and how I wanted to with normal support from my parents the idea of being independent wouldn’t be as terrifying as it is to me.

But honestly I really doubt it. Living alone makes me feel lonely because it puts a spotlight on the fact that my differences ostracize me. The company of my mom who is starting to understand me really helps with that and I deeply appreciate her presence.

When I was younger (around your age, I’m 22) I felt I wanted to move out because there was a lot of misunderstanding between me and the rest of the family and the environment was not very positive a lot of the time which was very hard for me and I think I needed to have something to look forward to because I couldn’t imagine how things with my family could get better. I guess I’m just wondering if you’re willing to share what might be driving your desire for independence? Rules aside, how are your relationships with your family members? Do you feel there is a lot of misunderstanding between you and them?

I’d focus on that and if you think that might be a big part of it then I’d caution you from really trying to get independence and getting away from them because it might send the signal that you don’t appreciate them or think you need them and they might respond by not helping you.

I think with all of my challenges personally (adhd, (currently self-diagnosed) ASD, and anxiety) everything was just so much harder and more traumatic. The scariest year of my life was the year my mom kicked me out hands down! Really think about it logically. I went from being a kid and living like a kid to being totally independent and it felt like I was an abandoned baby bird. I didn’t know who I could trust, I felt unstable, I was scraping by and living with lots of other people, frequently felt unsafe, had a very manipulative relationship I felt I couldn’t get out of, started having panic attacks frequently, and I was so sad and unhappy that I stopped enjoying and listening to music for about two years. I was jealous of the life I had before when I enjoyed music and was at least happy sometimes. And I was very angry with myself for whatever it is I did that caused everything to become how it became and carried a lot of shame and felt I must have been a very bad daughter. But it was also very confusing and because I didn’t and still don’t really understand why it all happened I kind of refuse to talk about it with anyone because honestly I’m very scared that if I say people might see something I don’t see about myself and will see something very unfavorable in me the way my mom did.

I have normalized a lot more at home (mask a bit better) and don’t feel as uncomfortable about it anymore (I minimize the masking and only do it to a degree that doesn’t make me feel I’m not me). Basically the pros of having my mom around now outweigh the discomfort of acting a bit not myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m not loved really for who I am but I can be myself a decent amount so that feeling is minimal and honestly I believe this is probably about as good and normal a living situation I can get without living with my boyfriend who likes how odd I am.

Basically what I’m trying to say is I know how you feel and be careful because I think by wanting independence I may have unintentionally caused myself a lot of hardships maybe by not investing enough effort into trying to find mutual understanding and respect in my family. Maybe it’s something you have to learn the hard way like I did. But if you can help it use caution. Even if you think you are being respectful remember that people can and will perceive you differently. Don’t underestimate how much you might need support and be very careful about the messages you send to your family because those bridges can be much harder to rebuild as an adult and it’s made harder by the ASD.

I actually have a pretty great relationship with my family. They're kinda just nitpicky.

Example:
*I eat my food in a way they don't like.*
Dad: Eat right.
Me: Does it matter.
Dad: Yes. Eat right. *doesn't tell me why or how it would matter.*
Me (in my mind): Literally nobody will care or even notice how I eat. Only you have a problem with it. Deal with it, dude.

They tend to be overcritical when it comes to my behavior and most of their "manners" don't make sense. Why is there anything wrong with me picking up a small sausage with my fork and eating multiple bites from said sausage? It's tiny. Cutting it on the plate with a fork and a knife is an extra unneeded step.

Also, my mom and dad are addicted to their phones. Whenever I try to talk to them when they are scrolling through FaceBook (I like to call it FaceCrap), they sometimes take a whole minute if I don't say their names multiple times. Kinda feels disconnected in a way.

They also tend to be overcritical of what I am doing when I am talking to my own friends online. They also don't understand technology very much, despite how much my dad claims he knows more about it than me simply because he is older.