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I Want To Hope Again

Captain Mars

New Member
Hi, my name is Michael. I'm a 26-year-old aspie adult (diagnosed at 5) living in Westchester NY. I live with my father and younger brother (also aspie) in an apartment not far from NYC.
Found this website whilst searching for the link between cynicism and autism, because honestly, that's been my experience for a very long time. I don't want to come here seeking a pity party, but taking a look back at life so far, it's so easy to see why I feel as cynical and untrusting of others as I am. It's seriously downgraded my quality of life, because it's so hard to see any good left in the world or in people. I don't want to feel this way anymore, I know logically there has to be more nuance to the world than that. Maybe I just need to talk with people that get me. So, here I am.

On a more positive note, I guess it might be useful to tell you some things about myself.

I have three younger siblings, 2 of which are also on the spectrum.
I'm an amateur writer. An unpublished one of course, but that doesn't mean it'll never happen, right?
I guess I kind of fit your average 'special kid' burnout stereotype, always been fascinated by the sciences (though I confess my math skills are woefully lacking) and I have a deep love for history, culture, geopolitics, and anthropology.
And just like the stereotype; I smoke pot, discuss fringe theories on the regular, and have lost all direction in my life.
Diagnosed as Bipolar II, although I'm starting to think (and dread) that it's BPD. I genuinely hope that doesn't scare people away from me, I'm coping as best I can.
I'm a great singer, and I'm actually waiting on a vocalist audition for a band rn, so I guess I have something to look forward to atm.

It's probably stated more often than not on this forum, but I've never been great with introductions, ESPECIALLY on the internet. It never feels authentic, but hey, that's the price of using a forum to communicate.
 
Hello and welcome, @Captain Mars.

Introductions are tough, but if you stick around awhile, we can get to know you slowly and you can get to know folks here, too. Hopefully you find some similar stories to yours and people that can relate to you, support you, and be supported by you, too.
 
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Around here, the health care would collapse if not for the front line people who care about the patients, while the administration just tries to maximize billing. In most group efforts, there are skilled people carrying more than their share. You might want to do some volunteer work to meet good people.
 
;) I flunked poetry flat in 9th grade English class because I can't hear or feel the rhythm, but poetry has really helped me thru some difficult times over the years. Hope this poem helps you, one of my favorites.
 
Welcome!

Remember that feelings are temporary so better not to get too attached to them.

Have you consulted with a good doctor about BPD/bipolar? A lot of ASD traits can get confused with BPD/bipolar. I was diagnosed with bipolar II it in the past but it was not correct. Strong special interests and surges of energy are confused with hypomania. Not saying this is happening to you. Maybe trying to say that those diagnoses are shaky and it's also better not to get too attached to them. So consistency in my recommendations. :)

Anyhow, welcome again.
 
Glad to have you here, @Captain Mars

You've come to the right place for understanding. Even if that does sound wooden to say. It's true here. We are a open and friendly community on this forum. So stick around. You may end up finding others you can really click with.
 
Hi, my name is Michael. I'm a 26-year-old aspie adult (diagnosed at 5) living in Westchester NY. I live with my father and younger brother (also aspie) in an apartment not far from NYC.
Found this website whilst searching for the link between cynicism and autism, because honestly, that's been my experience for a very long time. I don't want to come here seeking a pity party, but taking a look back at life so far, it's so easy to see why I feel as cynical and untrusting of others as I am. It's seriously downgraded my quality of life, because it's so hard to see any good left in the world or in people. I don't want to feel this way anymore, I know logically there has to be more nuance to the world than that. Maybe I just need to talk with people that get me. So, here I am.

On a more positive note, I guess it might be useful to tell you some things about myself.

I have three younger siblings, 2 of which are also on the spectrum.
I'm an amateur writer. An unpublished one of course, but that doesn't mean it'll never happen, right?
I guess I kind of fit your average 'special kid' burnout stereotype, always been fascinated by the sciences (though I confess my math skills are woefully lacking) and I have a deep love for history, culture, geopolitics, and anthropology.
And just like the stereotype; I smoke pot, discuss fringe theories on the regular, and have lost all direction in my life.
Diagnosed as Bipolar II, although I'm starting to think (and dread) that it's BPD. I genuinely hope that doesn't scare people away from me, I'm coping as best I can.
I'm a great singer, and I'm actually waiting on a vocalist audition for a band rn, so I guess I have something to look forward to atm.

It's probably stated more often than not on this forum, but I've never been great with introductions, ESPECIALLY on the internet. It never feels authentic, but hey, that's the price of using a forum to communicate.
Welcome to Autism Forums!
 

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